Friday, June 22, 2007

Sorry for the disappearing act...

Hi there,

It's been a while since the last time I posted anything here. It doesn't mean that I stopped living or anything, but some things did happen in my life that brought me down.

I tried several times to write something, anything, only to lose that moment and ended up scrapping whatever I wrote down.

In a nutshell, I found out my dad had lung cancer in the middle of January. He actually found this out on December 23, 2006 while he was in China. He spends half the year there ever since he retired, so it was quite a shock for him. After a lot of conversations between members of my family, it was decided that my dad would move back here. He would have better access to medical care and the expenses would be covered by the kids. My brother Chester was the only one of us with dual citizenship, so was the natural choice to go there and help bring him back.

My dad died on January 19, 2007 during the flight back here.

I've been trying to deny it to myself, but I'm pretty sure that I'm suffering from depression. I find it hard to concentrate on anything personal. Work is a lil bit easier, at least I can concentrate better there.

So, here's some of what I'm trying to do to move on. I now have a more tangible date for my move up to Seattle...September 8th. I've decided to concentrate on more "Me" things and stopped playing Role Playing Games, at least the versions that have contact with others. So now my only RPG playing is on my DSLite. Oh yeah, I bought a DSLite. I'm currently playing Animal Crossings, Children of Mana, Pokemon Pearl, FFIII, and Nintendogs. I haven't given out my friend code to anyone yet, so I'm essentially playing with myself.

My gosh, that sounded dirty.

Speaking of sex, that's pretty much what I'm doing...playing with myself. Strangely enough, I'm ok with that. I still get crazy horny and find cute guys attractive, but I don't have that urge to want to do anything with them. I have started fucking myself with a buttplug I have. It has an opening in it for an egg vibrator, so guess what I did? Yup, I bought a vibrator so I've got a vibrating buttplug. And yes, It makes me very happy :)

My digital camera broke pretty recently. I never dropped it or anything, the dang thing just broke! I have absolutely no idea how. So since it is Gay Pride this month and I'm going down to AnimeExpo, I NEED to have a working digital camera. So now I am the proud owner of a Olympus 7.1Meg digital camera. I'm still learning how to take shots with it, so be look out for them here.

Since I'm moving up to Seattle in September, I'm trying to do as much (community wise) as I can. So I'm serving as a Safety Monitor for tonight's Transgender March being held in Delores Park. It starts at 6:30PM and it should be fun. Tomorrow, I'm going to have a spa day and booked a massage at Kabuki Springs. I plan on spending the whole day there, so it should be fun. My bf Scott keeps joking that I'm getting a "happy ending", but I'm absolutely sure THAT's not going to happen. Especially not the way I'm feeling right now towards sex. At night, the 15th Annual Dyke March is happening going right into Pink Saturday in the Castro. If I can swing it, I would love to check it out both, but I'll be happy just hanging out at PInk Saturday.

Sunday is going to be crazy busy. I'm marching with the Billy De Frank Center in the Gay Pride Parade. The crazy thing this year, is that it's going to be televised on live tv (if you have cable tv Channel 99 in sf), but Clear Channel and KRON TV are going to have a live unedited webcast of the whole thing! After marching, I'm going to again, act as a Safety Monitor, either during the parade or at the festival.

On a modeling tip. I was just asked today, to do a photoshoot for UCSF's fitness center. This is part of the community campaign so of course, no money involved, but it'll be fun and the shoot is scheduled for Thurday, right before I head down to L.A. for the AnimeExpo and the True Colors tour.

I hope to visit the ostrich farm on this trip :)

To everything, turn, turn, turn
I see the light now
On wings of doves, I fly off.



Efren said...

My dog is still cuter than your dog! And he does tricks.

(Does, not turns tricks) :P

Love you :P

AiYahh said...

Thing(s) I learned from watching Efren play with his digital doggie.

-learn how to pick up dog shit [check]

Rona Fernandez said...

You're moving to Seattle! Did I know this already? (I doubt it b/c I think I would've been upset). I'm sorry to hear bout your father; I hope you are getting the support and healing energy you need. Hope to see you and Efren sometime soon, over dim sum. Peace, Rona

AiYahh said...

Hey Rona,

Thanks girl. I'm not sure if I mentioned my moving up to Seattle to you. Not sure, but it's not really a secret, but I have no idea who knows. I've got folks outside of SF asking me about it, so I kinda thought everyone knew.

And I'm getting the support and energy I currently need to deal with my dad's passing. Kinda weird to even think about him sometimes, but this is a process and as with all processes, it's going to take time. Love ya!

ronn said...

Good luck with the move to Seattle. I entertained a move to Seattle (or Oregon) for half a second. I get like this two or three times a year when New York gets on my nerves.

So sorry to hear about your dad. I was wondering why you were gone so long from this place. It's been more than twenty years since dad (really, my step-dad; but he raised me, so he's "dad" to me) passed away, yet it still feels like yesterday. I hope you will find peace and can move on. Try to remember the good times, even if they were few.

Maybe I'll visit the Northwest with the hubby some time soon.