World AIDS Day 2012

It's Dec 1st, the international day to focus our collective attention to AIDS, the terminal disease caused by the H.I.V. (human immunodeficiency virus).

To celebrate this day, I am wearing a t-shirt from my past when I started doing AIDS prevention presentations in high school. Yes, I was in high school and the shirt was from my group, the Peer Resource Center, where teens educated each other! I'm glad the shirt still fit!

On this day, I think of this disease and all the friends I have lost over the years. As well as my friends (new and old) still living with it.

I'm glad that technology has advanced to the point where people are not dropping like flies, covered in purple sores and such, but the truth of the matter is that people are still getting infected!

We know where the virus is in the body. We know how it can be passed from one person to to the next. The question is why are people still putting themselves at risk for contracting it?

Please please please practice harm reduction. If you're HIV negative and are sexually active, use a freaking barrier, and get tested regularly for HIV and other STI (sexually transmitted infections).

If you're HIV positive, do everything you can to stay healthy. I love you and want you around as long as possibly!

Friends may come and go
leaving memories to stay
Happy World AIDS Day!

Love,
AiYahh!

It's always SHOPPING TIME

Today was a crazy day. It's only Wednesday and it is crazy! There was a gun scare at the hospital a few days ago and today, there was a bomb scare! Thankfully, nobody was harmed in both situations, but I'm wondering if this is the new "normal" around town.

So as I'm winding down having dinner with my friend Scott at 611 Supreme and I realized that I needed something more. I needed retail therapy!!!

We finished dinner and headed off in search of a dress! Why do I need a dress you may ask? I mean, it's November 7. Halloween is over. Did Howie forget his sanity pills again?

No, it's for the Red Dress Party!!! The annual event held here in Seattle (and Portland) where everyone wears a red dress to raise money for deserving organizations that do HIV education, prevention, etc. It's happening next year in February 16 and if I don't start looking for a dress now, I might never find a dress that fits me (and of course looks fabulous!)

This is not the time to procrastinate! I am on a mission and I WILL SUCCEED!!! I head off to my favorite thrift store and happily found several dresses that I think would be perfect for the event. Of course, I won't be showing any pictures of me in it, until the day of the event :)

Retail therapy,
May make your wallet lighter,
But is SO WORTH IT!

AiYahh!

Election Night 2012 Jitters

It has been FOREVER since I last posted anything in my blog! I know, it's horrible, but the reason I keep this blog, is to make room for the random big thoughts that pop up in my head and for no other reason. I keep active in other avenues such as GetGlue, Twitter, FaceBook and my current favorite... Google+. to stay connected with the outside world. Ever since my last post, I've had many thoughts that I wanted to post about. Those usually pop up right as I'm about to go to bed, just as I am about to go to bed, so I'm running through all the day's events and clearing them out, to make room for the new day. I call this "Meditation". I usually puts me to sleep. Tonight is different. Barack Obama has just be re-elected to another four year term as President of the United States of America. I personally hate politics, but this gave me hope and I saw a future which wasn't completely bleak. Another thing that passed were that some American States passed Gay marriage, including the state I live in, Washington. Marriage has been such loaded topic for me. I mean... I saw my parent's marriage and it wasn't pretty. I was the first person that told my mom to divorce my dad, which she never did. My parents eventually divorced, but I had no say in it at all. I'm the eternal romantic, I believe in love at first sight, in soul mates, in THE ONE. What really hurt was that I would never be able to marry because I was gay. I know that I could go elsewhere, to places where gay marriage was legal, but I would not be able to bring it back home, so it was a moot point. I wouldn't be able to live out my dreams or a house, white picket fence, a dog 2.3 kids and electric car. Back in 2004, I was one of the crazy couples that got married at San Francisco City Hall and it was wonderful! To have my marriage later made "invalid" was equally heartbreaking. Once bitten and twice shy. Now that Ref 74 has passed in the State of Washington, I have a glimmer of hope again. I want to do this right this time. My previous marriage was an act of protest, against the injustice of society. The next time, it's going to be for me. The next time I get married, it's to show the world that I love one man and I have the ring to prove it!!! Super Sandee leaves, History is made again, Equality NOW! AiYahh!

Am I Crazy?

Definition of Crazy
Ok, Webster’s definition of being crazy is this Crazy and judging from one of those definitions, I may have been crazy for a bit.

I had just finished my lunch, a spaghetti with mushroom sauce and grilled asparagus. It was pretty good and decided to watch some TV and do some knitting before I had to get back to work. About 20 minutes later, I started itching near my neck and head and was starting to feel flushed. Then my hands, more specifically, the tips of all my fingers started to hurt. Really hurt. My hands were starting to blow up and it was probably due to my fingernails being attached that it stopped growing, which probably explains why I was in so much pain.

I told my co-worker about how I feel and she could see something was happening to me. I took some Benedryl figuring that I was most likely having an allergic reaction to my lunch. I told her that I’ll wait to see if the Benedryl takes effect. I might go into the ER if it gets worse. It wasn’t, so I went upstairs to see my supervisor, but she wasn’t there, having left for the day. So I saw the Lead Tech and told her what was happening and that I had to go to the ER.

The ER is actually very close and only took me seconds to get to. I guess that’s one advantage for working at my job, walking distance for emergency situations. I was accepted and shortly saw a doctor. She agreed that I was having an allergic reaction and we discussed what medicines to use and how it’s administered. I went with the IV over oral, because I didn’t want to have to wait for it to go through my stomach and needles do not scare me.

Once the IV was put in, there was nothing for me to do, so I looked up at the blank TV screen. I really wished I have telekinesis so I could turn it on, but I didn’t, so i just started at a blank screen. i looked down at my hand with the IV and noticed the tube was red. How strange, that shouldn’t be red, I wondered. I was bleeding to death and it was kinda cool. when did I get so emo all of a sudden? The nurse saw the blood. Actually, what she saw was my bloody clothes. I didn’t notice it, because it was covered by my arm. I only notice what looked like a crime scene, when I raised my arm so she could put a lock onto my IV and my hospital gown was changed. I’m really glad I didn’t have to clean that bloody mess!

Now with the lock on my IV, I was given my medication. So I waited...

and waited...

and waited...

and waited...

We were waiting for my body to respond to the medication. If I didn’t get better (Hi Dan Savage, LOVE you and your Podcast!), I would have to be given another medicine that was more aggressive.

So I waited...

My body finally showed some reaction, by hurting less. That’s a good sign right? That if feeling hurt was bad, feeling that same pain less (it’s all relative) means that I’m getting better right?

So I waited...

The nurses and doctor checked in on me several times and I was able to tell them how I felt. About the third check in, the effects were starting to show on my face. Sheesh, I always thought I was transparent. Now it’s certified in a hospital!

I eventually got better and had the IV taken out. I was given a prescription for more medicine to continue my healing, but because of the timing, everything was closed. Seattle really can be a small town sometimes, where everything closes after 7PM! So I’ll have to get my medication tomorrow.

I go back to work and try to do as much as possible with what little time I had left before having to clock out.

At home, I spoke with my boyfriend and he’s going to see what medicines he can get from Costco. I know it’s overkill, but half the medicines I need, were over the counter and it will be better for me to have extra during the allergy season.

What really surprises me, is that while I was at times scared and freaked out, I was remarkably calm. I was able to detach a part of me. It was that separate part of me, that assessd the situation, that walked me through the halls, to talk to the necessary people, tell them what I was going through in a manner and tone of voice that helped these people help me! When I was bleeding out, I didn’t freak out for this same reason. Maybe this is like being bipolar, it just wasn’t hurting others, but in fact, was able to help the situation to a better outcome.

So yeah, I was crazy today.

Now, good night.

Happy Birthday To Me

Here I am on the first day of my last year in my 30's. For the mathematically challenged, that would mean I am 39 years old now.

I started with a dinner last night that was kind of reflective of my life as a whole.

It was kinda swanky, on the expensive side, but it just didn't hit the mark. The food was adequate. It had some good points, but wasn't spectacular and really wasn't worth the price they were charging.

The service, while everything that was requested, was done, never went beyond expectations, so made it overall, just adequate.

The ambiance was the best; After the noisy group near us finished their meal and left. Drew and I could finally enjoy the amazing view without any distractions. A true million dollar view!

I have been getting many birthday wishes via text message, Facebook, etc, but it's all so bittersweet for me, because the one I'm missing is the one from my mom, because I always celebrate it with her!

She is the reason I am here and I truly miss her on this special day.

So here's to you mom, for giving birth to me 39+ years ago and helping me be the man I am today. You may be gone, but the lessons you taught me and your memory lives on through them.

(Happy?) Anniversary Mom

I am here at work and to be honest, I'd much rather be somewhere else right now.

It's amazing how we go from one holiday to the next, without skipping a beat. Can we truly celebrate all the individual holidays fully, when we're bouncing around like a pogostick!

We just finished the Lunar New Year, some people are still celebrating and now we're already celebrating Valentine's day! I'm totally guilty of this, since I planned something for Sunday and already gave my boyfriend one gift.

So why am I sitting at the chapel during my lunch time alone?

Maybe, it's because I wish I had my mommy, who passed away one year ago on this date.

Before she passed on, she made plans and set it up so that someone from temple will pray for her, but I really wish it was me dammit! I'm such a bad pseudo-Buddist/Taoist/Whateverist, I still don't have an alter set up at home, and I have no idea where I can find a temple here in Seattle!

So I sit.

With my thoughts,

In an empty hospital chapel.

My love for my mom, filling up the spaces between here and there.

Each tear falling from my eyes full of hope and joy that my mom is not in any pain and is watching over me and my relatives.

I love you mom and miss you terribly!

Happy Birthday Joanna

Today is my friend Joanna's birthday. She would have been 39. In the picture, that was me on the right in the glasses. That was my birthday back in 1989. We were going to a prom and it was happy coincidence that it was my birthday, so Joanna and some other friends helped me to celebrate.

So Joanna is no longer here with us, but I know she heard me wherever she is when I was singing the birthday song for her.

Happy Birthday Joanna!