Tuesday, January 25, 2005

Funky Fresch

I've been in a funk lately. A pretty long lately actually. I got into it about two weeks ago when I did that antibiotic study and never really got out of it. I'm hoping that by forcing myself to write, that I can bring myself out of it.

So... to bring you up to date with what's been happening to me...

The study went well, I'm still alive at least. The second day of the study, I just chilled in my hospital room and read my book, watched tv or played my gameboy. Pretty much everything was normal. I had problems with my stomach again, but that went away after I went and visited the bathroom. Experience does count.

I went to visit my mom at Chinese Hospital and my uncle, aunt and cousin visited her. Things were going well, until my aunt started asking me how much money I made. I didn't really wanna answer her, because that's just rude, so I told her enough. She then went off and started making guesses into what I made, decided that her guess was correct and started accusing me of not giving enough money to my mom. I am on 43 things and one of the things I wanted to do was to have a family reunion and enjoy it. I was seriously thinking of making sure this woman was not invited. She was also trying to get me to somehow get her a job at UC. For some reason, she thinks I have a really high position here at UC. I'm a FREAKIN SECRETARY. Ok, I'm not a secratary, I'm an Administrative Assistant. I don't sit on my boss'es lap or give him blow jobs. I just make it so that he can give himself a mental JO session now and again.

That's when I tuned everything out and ignored her. I learned how to do this, like every other kid, by having adult figures not listening to what I am SAYING and are more interested in hearing their own voice. So I indulged them in the past and her now in the present. I made very non-commital grunts in response to whatever she said and made sure that she knew I was ignoring her by staring at the TV. I never knew the weather channel could be SO fascinating.

After about an hour, they left. My mom asked me to leave also. I think she was in a hard position, but couldn't really do anything about it. I told her that I would go walk around and then come back. Stkyrice was supposed to pick me up at the hospital.

For the first time in as long as I could remember, I didn't have anything to do. This is really weird since I usually have too much to do and have to somehow cram everything into a 24hr time period. I wandered aimlessly around Chinatown. Into and out of several shops. I had no interest in any of it. It was like I lost all interest in anything. I finally bought some sesame cookies. I really loved these cookies as a child and was hoping that they would give me some sort of stability.

I took those cookies with me to Washington Square Park and bought an Orangina. I sat down and started reading my book. I couldn't really concentrate on the book. I was still so angry at my aunt and on a lesser note, my mom.

I found out later, that the whole NerdHerd was in a funk that Sunday. Everybody stayed home and did "home" stuff. It's kinda freaky/kewl that a whole group of people feel the same way for totally different reasons at the same time.

Do you believe in miracles? Not that this is a miracle, but it does really show, that we may all be different people, with different hopes and desires. Yet we're all really connected to each other. The miracle is realizing that fact and know that none of us are ever really alone.

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