Friday, April 22, 2011

Happy Birthday To Me

Here I am on the first day of my last year in my 30's. For the mathematically challenged, that would mean I am 39 years old now.

I started with a dinner last night that was kind of reflective of my life as a whole.

It was kinda swanky, on the expensive side, but it just didn't hit the mark. The food was adequate. It had some good points, but wasn't spectacular and really wasn't worth the price they were charging.

The service, while everything that was requested, was done, never went beyond expectations, so made it overall, just adequate.

The ambiance was the best; After the noisy group near us finished their meal and left. Drew and I could finally enjoy the amazing view without any distractions. A true million dollar view!

I have been getting many birthday wishes via text message, Facebook, etc, but it's all so bittersweet for me, because the one I'm missing is the one from my mom, because I always celebrate it with her!

She is the reason I am here and I truly miss her on this special day.

So here's to you mom, for giving birth to me 39+ years ago and helping me be the man I am today. You may be gone, but the lessons you taught me and your memory lives on through them.

Friday, February 11, 2011

(Happy?) Anniversary Mom

I am here at work and to be honest, I'd much rather be somewhere else right now.

It's amazing how we go from one holiday to the next, without skipping a beat. Can we truly celebrate all the individual holidays fully, when we're bouncing around like a pogostick!

We just finished the Lunar New Year, some people are still celebrating and now we're already celebrating Valentine's day! I'm totally guilty of this, since I planned something for Sunday and already gave my boyfriend one gift.

So why am I sitting at the chapel during my lunch time alone?

Maybe, it's because I wish I had my mommy, who passed away one year ago on this date.

Before she passed on, she made plans and set it up so that someone from temple will pray for her, but I really wish it was me dammit! I'm such a bad pseudo-Buddist/Taoist/Whateverist, I still don't have an alter set up at home, and I have no idea where I can find a temple here in Seattle!

So I sit.

With my thoughts,

In an empty hospital chapel.

My love for my mom, filling up the spaces between here and there.

Each tear falling from my eyes full of hope and joy that my mom is not in any pain and is watching over me and my relatives.

I love you mom and miss you terribly!

Friday, January 28, 2011

Happy Birthday Joanna

Today is my friend Joanna's birthday. She would have been 39. In the picture, that was me on the right in the glasses. That was my birthday back in 1989. We were going to a prom and it was happy coincidence that it was my birthday, so Joanna and some other friends helped me to celebrate.

So Joanna is no longer here with us, but I know she heard me wherever she is when I was singing the birthday song for her.

Happy Birthday Joanna!

Happy Birthday Joanna

Today is my friend Joanna's birthday. She would have been 39. In the picture, that was me on the right in the glasses. That was my birthday back in 1989. We were going to a prom and it was happy coincidence that it was my birthday, so Joanna and some other friends helped me to celebrate.

So Joanna is no longer here with us, but I know she heard me wherever she is when I was singing the birthday song for her.

Happy Birthday Joanna!

Thursday, December 02, 2010

What's Black, White and Red all over

Happy World AIDS Day.

Funny thing to celebrate, AIDS.  But in a way, it is a celebration.  AIDS has been with us for 30 years and while we have made advances in treating people living with the virus, people are still getting infected and still dying from it.

AIDS has been such a big part of my life.  I was so active in fighting it, that people who knew me at the various events, thought I was infected and was HIV positive.  Sometimes I wish I was, but I'm not.  I'm negative.  I think that if I were to become infected, it would be one less thing to worry about, but that would just create a whole new set of problems don't you think?

So today's holiday, really hits me hard.

I didn't even have to think about it, I just shut down and crumbled.

This happened so fast, that my survival instincts kicked in and I became numb to it, only after the day is past at midnight, could I even start to face what this day has been like for me.

I went back in time to when I was in high school and remembering this sixteen year old kid.  I was a member of a AIDS Team in school, where we went to health classes to teach other kids about HIV and how to protect themselves from getting infected.  I remember this guy hanging out with us and wondered who he was, if he was like a new student I hadn't met yet.  We were teenagers and tore into the buffalo wings and this kid just watched us eat.  After we finished eating, he started speaking and telling us his story.  How he really enjoyed watching us eat, because he could see us really enjoying the wings, because he never knew if his next bite, will be his last.

That last statement really stopped everything.

We found out this kid in the room had AIDS.

Flash forward a few years, I am now an adult and am finishing up my training in becoming an HIV pre and post test counselor.  It was the last day and I just found out one of my best friends just became infected and was now HIV positive.

Jumping forward to yesterday, he's recovering from a PCP infection and will be leaving the hospital tomorrow or the next day.  It depends on if he can breathe well enough.

NPR had a story about a study, where a pill containing medication currently used to treat HIV infection was being used not to treat the infection, but to prevent it! The link is here http://n.pr/hj7G8B

The story also mentions a gel that women can use to kill the HIV.  Wasn't that idea tried in the past and found it wasn't working?

It's almost like one step forward, two steps back, kick shuffle, shuffle, twist, slide and pose!

It's a new dance, just updated.

What needs to change is people's attitude behaviour.

We know how this virus is contracted from person to person, yet people are still getting infected!

It's enough to drive us crazy!

But who's to say that we're not already crazy?

Wednesday, November 03, 2010

The Coon and Cthulu sitting in a tree, K I S S...

http://www.southparkstudios.com/full-episodes/s14e12-mysterion-rises

Tonight's episode of SouthPark is inspired.

Does it make you go and wonder? Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda?