Online thoughts of a Gay Chinese guy

Am I Crazy?

2011-06-21T04:27:00.000-07:00

Definition of Crazy
Ok, Webster’s definition of being crazy is this Crazy and judging from one of those definitions, I may have been crazy for a bit.

I had just finished my lunch, a spaghetti with mushroom sauce and grilled asparagus. It was pretty good and decided to watch some TV and do some knitting before I had to get back to work. About 20 minutes later, I started itching near my neck and head and was starting to feel flushed. Then my hands, more specifically, the tips of all my fingers started to hurt. Really hurt. My hands were starting to blow up and it was probably due to my fingernails being attached that it stopped growing, which probably explains why I was in so much pain.

I told my co-worker about how I feel and she could see something was happening to me. I took some Benedryl figuring that I was most likely having an allergic reaction to my lunch. I told her that I’ll wait to see if the Benedryl takes effect. I might go into the ER if it gets worse. It wasn’t, so I went upstairs to see my supervisor, but she wasn’t there, having left for the day. So I saw the Lead Tech and told her what was happening and that I had to go to the ER.

The ER is actually very close and only took me seconds to get to. I guess that’s one advantage for working at my job, walking distance for emergency situations. I was accepted and shortly saw a doctor. She agreed that I was having an allergic reaction and we discussed what medicines to use and how it’s administered. I went with the IV over oral, because I didn’t want to have to wait for it to go through my stomach and needles do not scare me.

Once the IV was put in, there was nothing for me to do, so I looked up at the blank TV screen. I really wished I have telekinesis so I could turn it on, but I didn’t, so i just started at a blank screen. i looked down at my hand with the IV and noticed the tube was red. How strange, that shouldn’t be red, I wondered. I was bleeding to death and it was kinda cool. when did I get so emo all of a sudden? The nurse saw the blood. Actually, what she saw was my bloody clothes. I didn’t notice it, because it was covered by my arm. I only notice what looked like a crime scene, when I raised my arm so she could put a lock onto my IV and my hospital gown was changed. I’m really glad I didn’t have to clean that bloody mess!

Now with the lock on my IV, I was given my medication. So I waited...

and waited...

and waited...

and waited...

We were waiting for my body to respond to the medication. If I didn’t get better (Hi Dan Savage, LOVE you and your Podcast!), I would have to be given another medicine that was more aggressive.

So I waited...

My body finally showed some reaction, by hurting less. That’s a good sign right? That if feeling hurt was bad, feeling that same pain less (it’s all relative) means that I’m getting better right?

So I waited...

The nurses and doctor checked in on me several times and I was able to tell them how I felt. About the third check in, the effects were starting to show on my face. Sheesh, I always thought I was transparent. Now it’s certified in a hospital!

I eventually got better and had the IV taken out. I was given a prescription for more medicine to continue my healing, but because of the timing, everything was closed. Seattle really can be a small town sometimes, where everything closes after 7PM! So I’ll have to get my medication tomorrow.

I go back to work and try to do as much as possible with what little time I had left before having to clock out.

At home, I spoke with my boyfriend and he’s going to see what medicines he can get from Costco. I know it’s overkill, but half the medicines I need, were over the counter and it will be better for me to have extra during the allergy season.

What really surprises me, is that while I was at times scared and freaked out, I was remarkably calm. I was able to detach a part of me. It was that separate part of me, that assessd the situation, that walked me through the halls, to talk to the necessary people, tell them what I was going through in a manner and tone of voice that helped these people help me! When I was bleeding out, I didn’t freak out for this same reason. Maybe this is like being bipolar, it just wasn’t hurting others, but in fact, was able to help the situation to a better outcome.

So yeah, I was crazy today.

Now, good night.

Happy Birthday To Me

2011-04-22T09:37:00.001-07:00

Here I am on the first day of my last year in my 30's. For the mathematically challenged, that would mean I am 39 years old now.

I started with a dinner last night that was kind of reflective of my life as a whole.

It was kinda swanky, on the expensive side, but it just didn't hit the mark. The food was adequate. It had some good points, but wasn't spectacular and really wasn't worth the price they were charging.

The service, while everything that was requested, was done, never went beyond expectations, so made it overall, just adequate.

The ambiance was the best; After the noisy group near us finished their meal and left. Drew and I could finally enjoy the amazing view without any distractions. A true million dollar view!

I have been getting many birthday wishes via text message, Facebook, etc, but it's all so bittersweet for me, because the one I'm missing is the one from my mom, because I always celebrate it with her!

She is the reason I am here and I truly miss her on this special day.

So here's to you mom, for giving birth to me 39+ years ago and helping me be the man I am today. You may be gone, but the lessons you taught me and your memory lives on through them.

(Happy?) Anniversary Mom

2011-02-11T14:23:00.001-08:00

I am here at work and to be honest, I'd much rather be somewhere else right now.

It's amazing how we go from one holiday to the next, without skipping a beat. Can we truly celebrate all the individual holidays fully, when we're bouncing around like a pogostick!

We just finished the Lunar New Year, some people are still celebrating and now we're already celebrating Valentine's day! I'm totally guilty of this, since I planned something for Sunday and already gave my boyfriend one gift.

So why am I sitting at the chapel during my lunch time alone?

Maybe, it's because I wish I had my mommy, who passed away one year ago on this date.

Before she passed on, she made plans and set it up so that someone from temple will pray for her, but I really wish it was me dammit! I'm such a bad pseudo-Buddist/Taoist/Whateverist, I still don't have an alter set up at home, and I have no idea where I can find a temple here in Seattle!

So I sit.

With my thoughts,

In an empty hospital chapel.

My love for my mom, filling up the spaces between here and there.

Each tear falling from my eyes full of hope and joy that my mom is not in any pain and is watching over me and my relatives.

I love you mom and miss you terribly!

Happy Birthday Joanna

2011-01-28T00:01:00.003-08:00

Today is my friend Joanna's birthday. She would have been 39. In the picture, that was me on the right in the glasses. That was my birthday back in 1989. We were going to a prom and it was happy coincidence that it was my birthday, so Joanna and some other friends helped me to celebrate.

So Joanna is no longer here with us, but I know she heard me wherever she is when I was singing the birthday song for her.

Happy Birthday Joanna!

Happy Birthday Joanna

2011-01-28T00:01:00.001-08:00

So Joanna is no longer here with us, but I know she heard me wherever she is when I was singing the birthday song for her.

Happy Birthday Joanna!

Way back machine

2011-01-03T02:46:00.001-08:00

See and download the full gallery on posterous

What's Black, White and Red all over

2010-12-02T00:51:00.001-08:00

Happy World AIDS Day.

Funny thing to celebrate, AIDS. But in a way, it is a celebration. AIDS has been with us for 30 years and while we have made advances in treating people living with the virus, people are still getting infected and still dying from it.

AIDS has been such a big part of my life. I was so active in fighting it, that people who knew me at the various events, thought I was infected and was HIV positive. Sometimes I wish I was, but I'm not. I'm negative. I think that if I were to become infected, it would be one less thing to worry about, but that would just create a whole new set of problems don't you think?

So today's holiday, really hits me hard.

I didn't even have to think about it, I just shut down and crumbled.

This happened so fast, that my survival instincts kicked in and I became numb to it, only after the day is past at midnight, could I even start to face what this day has been like for me.

I went back in time to when I was in high school and remembering this sixteen year old kid. I was a member of a AIDS Team in school, where we went to health classes to teach other kids about HIV and how to protect themselves from getting infected. I remember this guy hanging out with us and wondered who he was, if he was like a new student I hadn't met yet. We were teenagers and tore into the buffalo wings and this kid just watched us eat. After we finished eating, he started speaking and telling us his story. How he really enjoyed watching us eat, because he could see us really enjoying the wings, because he never knew if his next bite, will be his last.

That last statement really stopped everything.

We found out this kid in the room had AIDS.

Flash forward a few years, I am now an adult and am finishing up my training in becoming an HIV pre and post test counselor. It was the last day and I just found out one of my best friends just became infected and was now HIV positive.

Jumping forward to yesterday, he's recovering from a PCP infection and will be leaving the hospital tomorrow or the next day. It depends on if he can breathe well enough.

NPR had a story about a study, where a pill containing medication currently used to treat HIV infection was being used not to treat the infection, but to prevent it! The link is here http://n.pr/hj7G8B

The story also mentions a gel that women can use to kill the HIV. Wasn't that idea tried in the past and found it wasn't working?

It's almost like one step forward, two steps back, kick shuffle, shuffle, twist, slide and pose!

It's a new dance, just updated.

What needs to change is people's attitude behaviour.

We know how this virus is contracted from person to person, yet people are still getting infected!

It's enough to drive us crazy!

But who's to say that we're not already crazy?

The Coon and Cthulu sitting in a tree, K I S S...

2010-11-03T23:39:00.001-07:00

http://www.southparkstudios.com/full-episodes/s14e12-mysterion-rises

Tonight's episode of SouthPark is inspired.

Does it make you go and wonder? Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda?

Vindictus

2010-11-02T00:24:00.001-07:00

I started downloading Vindictus and while I'm waiting for it, I wonder why?

I mean, do I really need another game to spend time on?

I'll have to say a hearty YES!!!

Vindictus is a freakishly brutal (animated) violent game and it should satisfy that part of me that really really needs to come out...safely.

The United States Supreme Court is going to decide on video games soon and this really upsets me! The case is trying to prevent games with adult subject matter from being created! What happened to the First Amendment, the freedom of SPEECH!

I like Leland Lee, back in the day, when he was on the San Francisco School Board, but this is too far! Where is the parental responsibility! Are parents so stupid that they can't read game reviews or google the game before letting little Brutus buy a video game with adult content?

It seems that parents are now using video games now, the way they have used teachers in the past. As baby-sitters for their children! They no longer have or want to spend the time needed to raise them and would rather put them down and set a timer and be done with it!

I think it's time to start requiring parental licenses!

Vindictus

2010-11-02T00:23:00.003-07:00

I started downloading Vindictus and while I'm waiting for it, I wonder why?

I mean, do I really need another game to spend time on?

I'll have to say a hearty YES!!!

Vindictus is a freakishly brutal (animated) violent game and it should satisfy that part of me that really really needs to come out...safely.

I think it's time to start requiring parental licenses!

Vindictus

2010-11-02T00:23:00.001-07:00

I started downloading Vindictus and while I'm waiting for it, I wonder why?

I mean, do I really need another game to spend time on?

I'll have to say a hearty YES!!!

Vindictus is a freakishly brutal (animated) violent game and it should satisfy that part of me that really really needs to come out...safely.

I think it's time to start requiring parental licenses!

Cylons eye is SCARY!!!

2010-11-01T00:47:00.001-07:00

All the pictures I took today at the Science Fiction Museum exhibit "Battlestar Galactica" are on Facebook, but this video is found only here. I don't know what it is, but just seeing that electronic red eye FREAKS THE FRACK OUTTA ME!!!

Download now or watch on posterous

084.MP4 (17428 KB)

Purple is...

2010-10-20T15:36:00.000-07:00

This shirt really is purple, but the lighting in my room is horrible!

So, why am I wearing a purple shirt you may ask? Well, it's been a while since I posted anything and the recent events around bullying and suicides of gay teens really hit me hard and I had to write something!

Apparently, gay teens are being bullied so much, that in order to escape their tormentors, they decide to end their own life!

This brings me back to several times in my life, some good, some not quite so, but it all leads to where I am today.

I can see myself driving in a car with my first boyfriend. We were holding hands and I practically threw his hand away as we entered Chinatown. I felt like e everyone was looking at me, judging me, finding something wrong with me, and I couldn't handle it. So I stopped holding hands while the car was in Chinatown. Once we left the area, I held my boyfriend's hand again.

Yes, I had issues (an ex said I have a subscriptions) and I worked on them constantly till I had no problems holding my boyfriend's hand anywhere we are!

This actually brings up even darker periods of time in my life. Times where I was so unhappy with myself and how I was treated that, yes, I thought of ending it all.

It was never anything big, but more like... me wanting to feel like I'm not alone.

My peers would ask me why I wasn't like everyone else and I couldn't tell them, because I didn't know what I was going through. I couldn't tell them that I didn't like any girls, because I had no feelings for them! I couldn't tell them that I thought blond guys were the best thing to walk on this Earth!

Yeah, I think I have a thing for blonds. Probably because the hair color contrasts so much with my own black. My absolute favorite are albinos, but I've only seen those in magazines at that time.

So there I was, a Chinese gayby with a blond fetish and I couldn't tell anyone! So I was feeling really lonely. It doesn't help that other people noticed something was "queer" about me.
So I escaped in books and that seemed to help keep people off my back. It really helped that I enjoyed reading! I read mostly fantasy novels, because even if the characters weren't exactly like me, I could imagine they were!

So books were what saved me. Well, that and my fear of how my mom would be when (not if, when) I died. I some pretty good ideas on how to end it all, and apparently I ranked them on how each one would leave a better looking corpse!

But ultimately, I never went through with any of my plans, because I didn't want to hurt my mom. Because I knew she would blame my death on herself, and I didn't want that.http://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gif

I wanted my death and the reasons for it, to be all on me!

So, back to today. Dan Savage started a great thing on YouTube called "It Gets Better". Lot's of people famous and non-famous have added to it.
And it does
Get
Better

The started a thing today, for everyone to wear purple today, to show their support for those kids being bullied.

Mine is the picture on this blog, what are you wearing?

Happy Birthday, Year One

2010-04-22T00:47:00.000-07:00

My heart is racing and I am finding myself short of breath. I didn't have a physically strenuous day at work. In fact, work was pretty easy and the day just flew by. So what's happening to me?

Oh yeah, it's my birthday.

I don't really celebrate my birthday. Never have actually. The few times in the past where I had a party, it was just an excuse to hang out with my closest friends. I'm realizing now, that I have never celebrated my birthday with my family.

To be honest, no one in my family ever celebrated. Well, except for my mom. We would usually go out to a restaurant and have a nice dinner or something. The most recent time, my uncle hosted a party in his restaurant in New Mexico for her. I flew in to attend, but because of work, I had to leave before it really even started. So the night before, we went to a buffet and had a pre-birthday dinner and had an ice cream cake from Baskin Robins.

I posted some of the pictures I took on Facebook and not long ago, my sister saw it with her kids and made a comment... the boys just said, this is grandma's bday. we miss grandma!!!

Yeah, I miss her too.

The loss is still hitting me, and now, on the occasion of my birth, when I first get to meet this amazing woman, she is no longer here.

I've started seeing a therapist and it's really worth it. He pointed out to me, during my last session, that I was paying my respects to her, to her memory, the lessons she taught me, the gifts that she gave me.

I said that I am never going to be able to pay her back for all that she has given me, but I am doing it now, in ever quiet moment, with every breath, every thought. I think of her and I am blessed.

I think of her quiet strength and feel that strength surge through my veins, getting ready to take on any of life's challenges that come my way.

I feel the stability of resolve to withstand and endure, to never let anything wear me down.

I see her face in my mind and feel the love infuse my whole being.

So this really is my birthday. I'm a new man now, and I know I'll always have a guardian angel to watch over me.

I love you mom.

One month anniversary

2010-03-12T07:45:00.001-08:00

I used to laugh when I see couples celebrate their "one month anniversary". It's kinda cute how they make such a short time, a month, have so much meaning, that it is significant to their happiness.

But I think I understand now. My mom passed away one month ago yesterday. I see it as the milestone it is. I am starting to escape out of the pain and hurt and malaise and can start heading towards life.

If I lived in San Francisco still, I would be visiting my mom's grave today. But I don't. So I just have to make due by thinking of her in my heart and mind, since little memories of her keep popping up whenever I do anything or stop to think.

Mom bought me my wedding ring. The marriage is over thanks to the California Supreme Court, but I still have my ring. I now wear it on my index finger, so I'll always have something with me, that reminds me of the love you gave to me.

I love you mom! You'll always be with me.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Bodily functions

2010-02-11T03:04:00.001-08:00

It's a little past 2:00AM and I hear a beeping noise. It wakes me up and I lay in my cot, waiting for it to beep over and over again till I am sure of it. That it wasn't my imagination playing tricks on me.

Yes, the song is running through my mind right now as I write this post.

I get out of the cot and located the source of the beep. It was my mom's IV beeping. The morphine was empty according to machine display. I looked at empty bottle confirming that fact. Then wondered why the hell there wasn't someone coming in the room to take care of it?

I step out of the room and go towards the nurse station. I see the nurse that is assigned to my mom enter another room. Seeing another nurse looking at a Facebook page, I notify her of the situation. She just informs the other nurse to take care of it.

What happened to pride the work? If that other nurse is working and you are looking at Facebook, then someone comes out and tells you the problem, I expect you to do something about it, not pass it off on the nurse already busy.

So I head back into the room and wait for the nurse to bring more Morphine. The new bottle was started on the IV and we notice a smell. My mom had some shit come out.

It wasn't a lot, but I was surprised to see it. As part of the pre-death process, my mom was no longer given any food or water. Just pain medication to ease any pain. We're letting her body break down.

This is supposed to be more humane, since her body can no longer process any food. The machine is breaking down department by department, section by section.

I help the nurse clean my mom and change the pad she is laying on. I wonder how much time is left. How much longer do we have here. If the nurse wasn't here, I would be screaming right now, because if my mom wasn't dying, what we're doing to her would certainly kill her.

I try to go back to sleep listening to the faint wheeze of my mom's breath.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Waiting...

2010-02-09T21:17:00.001-08:00

I am with my mom in her hospital room, waiting.

Waiting for the day she gets better that will never come.

Waiting for me to start feeling whatever I am feeling, because I am in shock.

Waiting for signs that my actions are the right ones.

Waiting...

Waiting..

Waiting.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Testing

2010-02-04T18:57:00.000-08:00

I'm testing this app out on my iPhone. I realize that I hardly ever post anything (not including my updates on Facebook and Twitter). So I hope this app works well.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Moo...

2009-01-25T22:43:00.000-08:00

Good evening, one and all. Welcome to Lunar New Year's Eve!

I want to wish everyone a wonderful, happy, properous new year of the OX!

This made me realize that my year, the year of the Rat, has just passed. It was supposed to be my year, so good things are to happen.

But did it?

In hindsight, I think it has.

I grew up,

a little.

I grew older,

a little.

I got wiser,

a little.

I learned patience,

a little.

So overall, I would have to say this past year was good for me.

The best thing of course,

would have to be meeting my boyfriend, Drew.

It is amazing how just being near him, makes my soul feel at ease.

He can make me happy just by being himself doing something, or nothing at all.

So, thank you Drew.

A new year passes
The joy and pain, swept away
It's now, time to work!

AiYahh!

There are no coincidences...

2009-01-19T23:25:00.000-08:00

This past weekend, I spent some time searching for Buddist temples in Seattle. I wasn't really connected to the local Asian community, so my search was really only online.

The results were pretty...Zen like. It seems that only well funded, or Western-like, Buddhist temples have an online presence. I was just looking for some place where I could feel a connection, like the one I had growing up. I knew that I had no chance.

So some friends and I got together yesterday and had dim sum. One particular block outside the Wing Luke Museum was blocked off, making it even harder to find parking on a busy Sunday morning.

It was kinda funny, three people trying to decide what direction to go to find parking is freaking hilarious (I stayed quiet). When a parking space practically right in front of us appeared.

You bet we took it!

So we parked and walked over to the Jade Garden for some yummy dim sum (2 card maximum, with $10 min for credit cards, stupid rules). Then headed to Ambrosia for bubble tea. I had a mango strawberry with tapioca and pudding. It's a funny flavor, but darn tasty :) Someone else got plain almond and something else. On the way back to the car, we stopped at the Wing Luke Museum store and that was actually pretty fun. I was looking at some mah jong jewelry, but nothing called out to me.

I was looking for a gift for my mom, and I needed it to scream "WIN, WIN, WIN!". But the most I got was some garbled gibberish telling me I'm wasting my money and I should stick it in my mattress... or something like that.

So off to the car. As we entered, I noticed that the building we were parked right in front of had it's door open as someone was leaving. That's when I noticed that inside was a huge Buddha altar! The outside was totally non-descript and all the writing (what little there was of it) was in Chinese.

I had found my Buddist temple!

I made a note of the location and vowed to come back the next day.

****************************
So here we are, the next day. It's Martin Luther King Jr. Day and I knew that buses were going to be hell, so I left especially early and got to work an hour early. My co-worker asked me why I was there so early? I responded that I'd rather come early, than late, due to the reduced bus schedule.

I spent the extra time to plot my route to the temple!

It was located a little less than a mile away. So I could easily walk there on my lunch break.

It was a beautiful day today and the walk actually did me some good.

I didn't let my spirits down, because I had found a temple and do my prayers to my dad!

I got to the temple and found out that it wasn't open. There were no lights on inside!

Since there were no signs indicating open hours, I was pretty much SOL (Shit Outta Luck).

I was down for just a moment at that point.

I truly believe that the universe will provide me with whatever I need, whenever I need it.

I had found a Buddihist temple, right when I needed it. I needed to know that they were around.

I no longer needed to go at this point in time. I can send my prayers to my dad no matter where I am. So I stood there and did just that. I sent out a prayer to him and moved on. It was my lunch time and I was getting hungry!

I was really in the mood for a Vietnamese sandwich (Banh Mi) and found a shop that had vegetarian ham. It was yummy and only cost $1.75!

So I happily made my way back to my office with my sandwich.

Before I entered the building, I just sat outside on the bench and soaked up the sun.

Running on treadmill
Past people, places and things
Do you feel the wind?

AiYahh!

When is it ok...

2009-01-16T08:21:00.000-08:00

Ok, I really like my comedy/dramas, ala Grey's Anatomy and Private Practice. I just feel that the pacing of both comedic and dramatic elements work really really well for me.

So since my boyfriend doesn't like them as much as me (ok, he doesn't like them at all to be honest), I Tivo them and watch them on my own.

This morning, I was watching last night's episode of Private Practice and as usual, there were a lot of storylines going. Violet is sleeping with two guys. Naomi turns into a stalker over Sam's new girlfriend, the hottie health inspector from the previous episode (the guy works fast!, but this is Taye Diggs, I'd go after HIM anyday!). A patient and his two kids with Cystic Fibrosis has a horrible choice to make, to watch one kid die or leave one kid alone to bury his dad and sis.

The story that really hit me, was Charlotte's. She is the ice-cold bitch administrator at work. She finds out that her "Big Daddy" is dying and she goes back home to deal with the situation. Cooper goes back and provides support to her. Big Daddy has pretty much already passed away and the machines are keeping the shell alive. No one in the family can do the "right" thing and turn the machine off.

So Charlotte is pretty much the only member of the family that can even stay in the room for any length of time.

That's when we find out that Big Daddy was horrible to everyone and using their terms, "his chickens are coming home to roost". Charlotte has a heart and it still works apparently. She is a doctor and knows what the best thing to do is, but still can't do it. Cooper helps her and tells her she can cry.

She doesn't.

She only cries once they're both on the plane back home.

This started me thinking and wondering, "What would I have done?". Big Daddy died from lung cancer. I should also mention that today is 1/16. My own dad died from the same disease on 1/19.

It's funny, on the one hand, I find that I have to think back, that I'm finding it hard to remember how many years (has it been that long?) he's been gone (2 years now, he died in 2007).

I'm starting to not feel it affect my everyday life. To stop coloring all my decisions. To not feel the loss.

I started making the bed. It was already made, but the OCD (or CDO for you OCD'ers out there) in me came out and I made the bed again.

And I started crying. Sobbing really.

So I just sat down on a perfectly made bed and cried my eyes out.

I saw my dad in Big Daddy's place and I in Charlotte's and I don't know if I could have turned off that machine. Could I have killed my father, even though he was already dead. I just don't know what I would have done.

My dad died on a plane coming back to the States for medical treatment. And I wish I could have been there. To be one of those people doing CPR on him. Even though I know that it wasn't going to be enough.

So that he would somehow know...

that I forgive him.

That he's still my dad.

That I'm still his son.

I'm crying as I type this.

And it's ok...

Angel wings flapping
Sets my heart and soul at ease
To face a new day

AiYahh!

I feel so happy right now

2008-09-20T00:01:00.001-07:00

I got flowers, another view
Originally uploaded by AiYahh

So... on Thursday, I had to go to work at 7:30AM for a staff meeting. I normally start work at 11:00AM, so just getting to work was going to be hard for me. After the meeting, my boss asked me if I'd like to just work through my regular shift. Of course I said "sure". O.T. is always welcomed in my book!

Halfway through my twelve hour shift (now I know why I never want to be a doctor), I was starting to feel loopy. Partly because my body was desparately in need of food and partly because I had just received a floral arrangement sent from my BF Drew!

I got a call on my direct line at work and was asked what my address was. At first, I thought the caller was from some telemarketer or something just as sleezy, so I asked what it was for. I mean, it may be work related and they just needed our mailing address. The caller said *blank* Flowers.

Hmmm. That's the name of a local florist shop, so I told the caller where I was located. Soon afterwards, a wonderful floral arrangement arrived at my doorstep. I wondered who had sent me flowers. It wasn't my birthday and I haven't had sex with anyone recently (other than my bf, it's been MONTHS since the last time I had sex with anyone).

Hey, I'm good, but if I'm getting flowers in appreciation, this is way too long.

So, I opened up the card and the message inside says:

Hi Howard!

I may be away but you are still in my heart!

LOVE, DREW

If I wasn't already madly in love with this man, I would be now.

Drew and I had visited the Azalea garden and had a great time looking all the flowers and taking pictures. This was a great way to bring back those recent memories and it's making me gush all over :)

I had to leave the flowers at work, since i was going to the gym afterwork and couldn't bring it with me there. I'll bring it home with me afterwork on Friday.

Update...

Friday is here and I'm still sore from my work out last night! I did a really light workout. A combo Bodypump / Bodystep workout. I think I kinda freaked people when I got all the equipment together on the floor. I bumped into a guy I had met from my most recent photoshoot (back in July) at the gym. I tend to have tunnel vision and didn't notice him till he said hi to me.

Once I acknowledged him, we both continued our respective workouts. I was a little surprised that this guy even remembered me. At the photoshoot, he and another model were really into each other and almost like they were in their own little world.

So, I'm going to be doing some more O.T. tomorrow. We were consolidating our files, which should really help in locating the files later on. October is National Breast Cancer Awareness Month and from what my co-workers that have been working there for a while tell me, thing's are going to get pretty crazy soon. So anything we can do to make the filing better would only help us in the long run.

So I'm really looking forward to seeing Drew again once he returns from his vacation. I really miss him and the flowers are a great way to show that he feels the same way. I'm going to go gush now.

He really loves me
But how can I really know?
Let's just say, "I Do"

AiYahh!

Happy Mid-Autumn Moon Festival

2008-09-15T23:32:00.001-07:00

mooncake05
Originally uploaded by AiYahh

I should've known better.

My mom called me up last night and after chatting for a lil bit, I told her that I had to go take a shower and go to bed. I was out all day and was really tired from the lack of sleep from the previous night and all the walking around I did today.

She didn't mention that it was the Mid-Autumn Moon Festival! So happy Mid-Autumn Moon Festival folks! In the past, I would get a mooncake and that would be that. My favorite is the lotus seed version without eggyolk or nuts. I'm going to have to go into ID (International District) tomorrow before work and get one.

These suckers are really filling, so I'm sure I can have it for lunch... and breakfast :)

If there are any MMORPG and Sanrio fans out there. Hello Kitty Online is now accepting folks for beta!

That's my secret wish... to be a very cute cartoon character that makes you spend all your money on useless cutesy stuff :)

I'll kill the bad guys with kindness or something like that :)

Sweet little moon cake
Made with love, kindness and lard
Sits HEAVY in me

AiYahh!

Spore's here and I'm getting it... NOT!!!

2008-09-10T23:56:00.000-07:00

So...

I find a wonderful man and we're now dating then he takes off and leaves and goes to Bali for two weeks!

ARGH!!!!!

Believe it or not. What I miss most is his laugh. I mean, I love everything about Drew, but what I miss most is the way he laughs. He sent me an email while he was in Hong Kong for a layover. I wasn't expecting it and it brightened up my day. I replied, but he probably won't get it till he can find another place to get on the net and check his email.

***Sigh***

Drew asked me several times before he left, if there was anything I wanted from Bali. To be honest, there isn't. I'm the kinda guy that loves to shop and buy the things that catch my eye. If someone wants to get me something, it would be great if it's something that I'll like, but I'll definitely appreciate it, because that person was thoughtful enough to think of me. THAT's what matters most to me, the thought and not the item.

Efren, because of our being together for such a long time, has gotten to know me very well and knows what I would like and has given me some great gifts in the past.

I hope to get to that level with Drew, but that's going to take time.

In the meanwhile...

I am trying to keep myself busy and stay out of trouble. So far, I've been successful, by just going to work, stay at home and hanging out with friends that are in couples. Seeing people in couples, helps to remind me that I'm part of a couple now as well, we just happen to be apart currently.

I was really excited when I found out from a gamer friend that the game Spore, was almost here. I had been looking forward to this game for close to 2 years and now I can finally play this fantastic game.

Silly, so far... the only thing I can go on, are on the write-ups about the game, but nothing on the game itself. I mean, I know a lil about the game play. I've seen some screen shots, but nothing else. So I decided to do a lil bit more digging.

I found the information I needed on a CNet article. I was really excited about the game after reading the article and went to Amazon to do a pre-order. Something stopped me from completing the purchase, so I just left it in my cart. While I was at it, I also dropped the game guide and the DS version of the game. I wanted to be able to play it at home and while I was out and about!

Finally, the day came and Spore was being shipped out to customers. I decided to check out the comments from other people and was totally shocked by what I saw. A lot of people rated the game poorly! I had to find out why of course and saw that it was mainly due to the DRM and/or the 3 game limit.

WTF!

I'm the kinda gamer that plays several games. I love and have played with practically ALL the games from the Final Fantasy series. To date, I've actually completed two of them... purely by accident! I love level building and ended up beating the final boss by mistake. I was that powerful! So a game like Spore was perfect for me, except for the DRM and 3 game limit!

There is no way in hell I am going to lower my protection on my computer, not with all the virus and other nasty stuff out there on the net, plus I have a limited storage space because of all the games I play. I need for any game that I buy, something that I can actually PLAY! Sadly, I don't think I'll be playing Spore anytime soon. Maybe if EA changes their policy, I'll change mine. Till then, I'll be playing with all my many other games, currently, I have over 12 characters on City of Heroes / Villains on several servers, Civ 4, and KotOR on the PC, and many others on the PS2 and DS.

Oh, I also just bought tickets to see Janeane Garofolo, who's doing a comedy show here in Seattle. She's so funny!

So that's what I'm going to be doing as I wait for my Drew to come back to me :)

Sleepless in SeaTac
Playing games to spend my time
The leaves start to turn

AiYahh!

Singlehood no more

2008-08-30T15:04:00.001-07:00

Waiting for Batman
Originally uploaded by AiYahh

Well... it was bound to happen. I fell in love!

We met at a Cinco de Mayo party earlier this year and started seeing each other ever since.

I was actually having a hard time with it, because I had been kinda hurt pretty recently on Valentine's Day. I had just met someone and my heart just flew open! I think I was really ready for another relationship and then I made a horrible mistake on Valentine's Day.

I told the guy those fateful words, "I Love You" that night.

I never heard back from him ever again afterwards.

I'm kinda surprised that I didn't see it coming, but I guess I shoud've in hindsight. And hindsight is 20/20.

Jump forward almost three months later. I was invited by an Facebook friend to his Cinco de Mayo party.

To be honest, I had not met this guy before and I only accepted his friend request, because I thought he was cute. I'm such a sucker for a cute guy! So i went to the party and knew absolutely nobody. That didn't stop me from getting drinks and chit-chatting from anyone though.

It was a little bit later on that night when Drew arrived at the party. At the time, I had a drink in my hand and was chatting with other folks at by the snack table, when Drew came by and I found myself being dragged away!

Somehow, we ended up together on a huge chair and spent the rest of the time together.

I realized something was different about this guy and felt really comfortable with him. The fact that I thought he was incredibly cute probably had something to do with that *grin*

Several months passed where we spent time together, talked, hanged out with friends, etc. We both realized that something special was happening between us.

It was my own experiences that prevented me from asking him to be my boyfriend till now. Last night, I laid my fears to rest and when I woke up, I held him close, looked into his eyes, told him that I Loved Him and asked him to be my boyfriend.

He happily accepted!

Then he mentioned that he was going to switch his status on Facebook. I mentioned that I would probably post something on my blog (this one) about it.

So there you have it. I almost made it to a year of being single ...

And I couldn't be happier :)

The Sun is Shining
Everything seems SO damn bright!
But no shade for ME!

AiYahh!

Stress

2008-08-13T00:51:00.000-07:00

I sometimes wonder if the stress that we feel is all in our minds our a product of life in the current modern world. Last night, I bought a plane ticket back to San Francisco for October. It's my cousins wedding and I had promised my mom that I would try to make it down there to attend. What really upsets me, is that I was talking to my mom on the phone Sunday night and mentioned that I was going to get tickets. She responded and asked me what I was going to give as a gift.

I'm like, "My cute ass!"

Isn't the fact that I'm making a trip down there from Seattle, my presence enough of a gift? At that point, I mentioned that I'll just take the money I was "going" to spend on a plane ticket, split it in half, spend one half on a present and the other half on myself! Save myself the bother of a trip!

I guess the fact that with the fuel prices rising, plane tickets are also pretty expensive now and it's getting to me. I thought about just renting a car and driving down, but if I did that, I'll probably end up sleeping through the wedding AND the reception that follows. Now THAT would make a great impression and probably get my ass kicked out of the family by my mom.

So since I've resigned myself to attending the wedding AND giving a gift. I decided to look online and see what the happy couple wants to celebrate their lifetime together.

Hmmm... it doesn't seem like they haven't registered at ANY store. I checked the major wedding and gift stores and can't find them! Now, I understand that my cousin and his fiance have been living together for some time now and probably already have everything they need, but this really bites for people (like myself) who are almost forced to give gifts.

My mom (and all her siblings) are apparently pretty old school. They just give money. The problem here, is that, I don't do that. I never done that and just give money. I have always tried to give thoughtful gifts to the happy couple. So with no idea of what they want. What is already at their place. Blah Blah Blah. I'm going to have to see what jumps into my line of sight in the next two months, since the wedding is on October 18.

If I don't see anything. I'm just going to get some books... for him "The Multiorgasmic Man", both of them "Kama Sutra", and something to help them on his and her technique. Of course, I'll probably throw in some massage oils (to help with the fun), a few feathers (so they can get nasty) and a chicken (so they can get really kinky).

Of course, all this stuff means that I'm going to have to check in my luggage. I can always buy the stuff in San Francisco, but I won't have much time to go shopping for it, since I'll be flying in on Friday night and the wedding is on Saturday.

Maybe I'll just give them a chastity cage for him and her and give each of them, the key to the other's lock =)

The wedding bells toll
Rings exchanged, the rice is thrown
It is baby time!

AiYahh!

Happy Belated Father’s Day

2008-06-17T01:16:00.000-07:00

It’s funny… this is the second Father’s Day after my dad’s passing last year and I think that I can start… accepting that fact. I guess that what people say is true. That the dead can do no wrong. That we start thinking of them in a better light and kinda forget the bad shit that happened. What makes this funny, is that I hold on to things forever!

Or it just seems like it. I spent yesterday saying so long to my roommate and ex-boyfriend Scott. It was time for him to go back to San Francisco and his friend Eddie came up here to accompany him on the trip down. I personally think it’s just so that he could spend more time with Charlotte (the cat). Afterwards, after they left, I felt kinda sad. I could really feel the “space” he occupied. Scott would often go for trips, but this time, I could feel the difference.

I ended up watching a HBO comedy special, Rita Rudner’s “Born to be mild”. In the beginning, David Spade was asking her a question “How did you get here”. It’s a great intro to the show, but it’s also a good question to ask once in a while. Then I watched “Lemony Snicket”. The movie about some crazy count, trying to get his niece and nephew’s inheritance.

So, back to the question, how did I get here?

My friend Stacy called me out of the blue tonight. She didn’t know I had moved and so I told her some of what I was going through, the events that led up to my leaving San Francisco. My dad’s passing away was a huge factor in my moving.
I have wanted to leave San Francisco for a number of years. I was ready to leave back in 1997 when I met Efren. He lived in South Pasadena and I was looking forward to/dreading the L.A. traffic. Just my luck, he decides to move back to the Bay Area. One thing led to another and we got closer, grew further, became friends. Oh yeah, somewhere in there, we got married along with all the other over 4000 couples in San Francisco’s City Hall.
I have to say, I’m not ready for marriage. I take after my dad in that respect. He wasn’t ready either. I don’t think he ever was. I wonder sometimes why he even got married to my mom. I’m glad that he did, otherwise, I wouldn’t be here. But I do wonder.
I wonder at how people that have not seen each other for a period of time, can still have that connection. Just like no time had ever passed.
I wonder at the connections I am making with the people I meet here in Seattle. At how, I can feel so at ease with some of them.
I wonder how I was ever able to be the person I have become. With such liberal leaning opinions, but staunchly conservative values.
So I guess I can thank my father for that. For helping to shape my growing years (I’m not sure I ever had a childhood), sometimes in the actions he took, the words he used and sometimes by his absence.
So that what you see now, is the man I have become.

Once more, with feeling
I sometimes hear those few words
But nothing comes out

AiYahh!

Is it really Spring?

2008-05-14T08:58:00.000-07:00

Well, the weather "was" getting better, but it rained yesterday! I thought that Winter was already over, but then again, this may be normal weather for the NorthWest. It's supposed to get better this weekend, where we are expected to get 85 degree weather *eep*

Speaking of weekends. This past weekend, I had the opportunity to visit the Seattle Art Museum (SAM) for the closing weekend of their "Rome" exhibit. It was over 100 pieces of art loaned from the Louvre museum in Paris and it was amazing. I went with my friend Dan S. and we had a great time. They actually give you a time to enter the exhibit, but once you get in, you can stay as long as you like. I spent close to two hours! Due to it being the closing weekend, the museum was going to stay open for 35 hours! So if there are any art hounds out there, they can go to the musuem after the bars close at 2am and get in for 1/2 off! I was so impressed by what I saw, that I ended up joining as a member of SAM (SAM's club? LOL).

It was a weekend of joining things I guess. the very next day, I joined the PCC Natural Markets, a food buying co-op. Joining PCC actually had an added benefit, because I can also use my Puget Sound Community Card (PSCC), to raise money for charities. I love it! I can do my grocery shopping AND help others!

This weekend, I will be waking up early Saturday morning to attend the GayCity's GayCity University. I get to learn some really kewl things, like acupuncture, wine, coffee and of course, get to meet my fellow STUDents. So yes, it does mean I will be waking up at an ungodly hour on a Saturday morning, but I'm sure it will be well worth it.

Upset 'bout something?
BE the change, you want to be
Man in the mirror

AiYahh!

would you wanna live with me?

2008-04-26T02:49:00.000-07:00

So, my life has been pretty good this week.

Work has stabilized. I think I finally have a pretty good handle on all my job duties. That's when I got a shock. I found out that both of the people working in my office is leaving! So I am now trying to learn all the duties that the both of them do. I guess it's a good time to really learn and grow. So we are looking to hire more people, but there is a chance that it will be just me there.

*eeep*

On the homefront, my roommates and I are still looking for a new roommate. John and Scott have met two guys and really liked both guys. It's come down to me, to see what I think of them. I am meeting both of them tomorrow... erm, later on today.

On the possibility that both of these guys don't work out, if there is anyone out there that actually reads this blog and wouldn't mind living here with me, send me a message and I'll send you the description of my place. We're hoping to have the new person move in, on the first of May.

Oh, on a kinda hippy health note. I was listening to NPR and there was a story on how shoes are the worst thing you can do to your feet! Apparently, by wearing shoes, we're not allowing our feet to do it's job. So I'm looking into that theory and might start wearing shoes that allow my feet to actually work. I'm hoping to check out one of the shoes tomorrow at REI and see how they feel on my feet :)

I was also contacted by my local yarn store, Weaving Works. I had misplaced a knitting pattern for felted clogs and had the store order me one. My pattern has arrived! I am going to pick up my pattern and start knitting some clogs for my roommates and a pair for me to wear at work! It's a good thing I'm getting paid soon, I'm going to have to buy a whole lotta yarn!

Since I'm going to be in the area anyway, I also have to pick up more yummy honey at the local farmer's market and organic soap!

Hunting high, and low
Knowing I, will find the "One"
and not the "Many"

AiYahh!

It's finally Spring!

2008-04-12T13:53:00.001-07:00

I woke up kinda early this morning. Not a bad thing all together, but it is Saturday and since I have no reason to wake up early, it sucked.

So, lemonade outta lemons time right? I went into the kitchen and decided to grab breakfast. That's when I realized that I ate the last of my homemade granola yesterday! Oh well, time to make another batch. So I whipped up a batch, adding chocolate chips and cinnamon to the mix this time. I offered some to my roommate John, then went to change into some clothes. I was totally naked at the time.

I came out catching John with his hand holding more of my new granola. I think I've got a winner with this batch.

I got the original recipe from Cook's Illustrated and it contained, walnuts, almonds, sesame seeds, sunflower seeds, coconut, raisins, honey and molasses. I added a cup of semi sweet chocolate chips and a 1/2 teaspoon of my yummy kick-ass cinnamon (that I bought in Napa Valley and never got a chance to use).

I think I have to get more ingredients, cuz with this batch, I'm out of almost everything! Good thing I'm going to Costco later today.

Speaking of which, I'm getting a new bed today! I'm currently waiting for Scott to come by with a van, then we're hitting Ikea to look at some of the bed frames. Then it's off to Costco to pick up my new memory foam mattress!

Those mattresses are the best, you can lay in it and won't be disturbed if someone else gets on the bed. Not that I've ever had that problem of course :)

So it's finally Spring here in Seattle. My allergies have been telling me that it's Spring, but it's actually really bright and sunny now! Heck, even the birds are singing! It was kinda pretty while I was shaving my head.

So the birds are getting it on during the day, while I plan on getting it on tonight with two hot tops!

Yeah, I'm planning to have a 3-way tonight.

So if anyone sees me walking around at the Green Festival tomorrow. They'll probably notice that I'm going to be walking a lil bit funny!

I was going to go to the Green Festival today, but I need that bed more. Also an interesting thing happening in Seattle... the Dalai Lama is in town for the five day "Seeds of Compassion" event. I plan on showing my comPASSION tonight to those two guys (who ARE going to the event today).

Spring is in the air
Life and love meets compassion
Oh look, a rosebud

AiYahh!

Adventures in online connections

2008-03-23T16:32:00.000-07:00

Well, my life up here in Seattle has been pretty good so far. I am starting to get used to the colder temperature (finally). My job situation has gotten better. The people I've met in person so far, has been pretty positive, for the most part.

It seems that there is a higher than average incidence of flakes and weirdos here in Seattle. Now, this isn't a scientific study or anything like that, just what I've been experiencing.

For example. I don't go out to the bars / clubs very much. I tend to meet people online first, then go get a drink or meal or something. If there is some chemistry, then something happens. If there is no chemistry, we call it a day (or night) and leave it at that and go our separate ways.

So today, I received a message online, that I was perfect and he really wanted to meet me. Of course, I was flattered. I looked at the guy's profile and saw a picture of his dick. Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with dick shots, but if I am to meet someone, I need to know what he looks like. I can't really see through people's pants (as much as I'd like to). So I asked to see a picture of his face.

He responded that he couldn't show his face pic for personal reasons and suggested that we meet in a neutral place where I would feel safe. I agreed to that. I already had plans for today (I had to paint the bathroom today), could only meet some other day. We decided to possibly meet not this coming Monday, but the following Monday. Then I logged off the site and went to paint the bathroom.

It took me longer than I expected, because I also had to do some touch-ups on the bedroom I painted several days ago. I logged back onto the site and I saw that there was a message from the guy earlier.

He told me that I was to address him as "Master" or "Sir".

I was very taken back by this. First of all, I have no problem with BDSM. In the past, both distant and more recent, I had developed relationships with some men, whom I am proud and honored to call "Daddy" or "Sir". Of course, this is after we have established that we have that type of relationship. It can happen either through clear communication or it may happen over time, naturally and organically. No matter how it comes to be, there is always some type of agreement between both parties.

So for this unknown man, to insist that I address him as "Master" or "Sir", when we were only supposed to meet and talk! I was extremely offended.

This non-entity, assumed, that he was already in control of me and my person! When did "I'll see you that Monday then. I'll contact you next Sunday to discuss the place and time." mean that we'll be doing anything at all!

I responded to his message with my standard reply, "Thanks for contacting me, but I am not interested. Have a nice day."

He responded with another message with a simple "?".

I deleted that message.

Just because someone logs onto a website geared towards "hookups", doesn't mean that he will jump for everyone. Hey, I admit that I'm a slut and love sex. Some people (mostly my friends) say that I have no standards in regards to the men I have sex with. I disagree, I do have standards. They just happen to be very low sometimes! But it doesn't mean I have none!

When it comes to respect, that's a different story. Even when I'm being plowed like a two-bit street corner whore several times an hour, I have to at least feel that I am being respected on some level. Otherwise, why the hell would I be in that situation!

So when someone "assumes" that they will have sex with me, before even meeting me in person, that person has just lost any hope of ever doing so. I don't need that type of "dis-respect" and I don't know anyone who does.

Cherry blossoms bloom
Petals on wind, flutter down.
Covers the condom.

AiYahh!

V-D

2008-02-14T00:18:00.000-08:00

Happy Valentine's Day minasan (Everyone)!!!

I'm a total sucker for sweet cutesy crap, so of course, I love SANRIO!!!

Sanrio is the home of the famous Hello Kitty and they currently have a MMORPG in closed Beta. Of course, I have submitted my email, so I can be a cute lil bow wearing pussy.

***waits for the laughter to die down***

There, now that you've got that out of your system,

There's a link to a sugary sweet Valentine's Day card on the title, go check it out!

I wish everyone joy and love on this very happiest of days :)

Love is in the air
Hearts bounce, flutter and fly by
Smacking all in face

AiYahh!

It was a very good day

2008-02-13T22:19:00.000-08:00

I got a new job! It has taken a few months of searching, but today, I have been offered a position in a hospital's film library.

I was running a lil bit late this morning. I was meeting my friend Bryan at 9:00AM and talk. He works at the hospital and was offering me moral support (which I really needed at this point). I got out of the house late, and by the time I arrived at the bus stop, the bus I had planned on taking had already passed. Luckily, there was another bus I could take, so I ran several blocks to catch it. I made it!

One very kewl thing once I got off the bus and was walking to the hospital. A little girl was walking by me with her momma. The woman just passed by me, but the little girl turned around and said hi to me. Of course, I responded, and the two of us kept turning our heads back and smiling at each other. It made my morning spectacular for some reason.

Apparently, people here in Seattle, don't greet people in the street as a norm. If you do so, you're considered weird and should be avoided at all costs. Of course, this doesn't apply to the folks on Bainbridge Island, where, I am told, are very friendly to each other and greet folks wholeheartedly. So, the fact that this lil girl, broke out of her shell and greeted me, totally made my day. Getting offered the job, just made a wonderful day, even better.

So I had to break the bad news to the chocolate shop that I work at. I will be going from (almost) fulltime to part-time, and can only work on weekends. Preferably one day (Sat) and cover for Sun if needed.

There is a reason for my keeping the job at the chocolate shop. In my new job, I will be working in an office of all women. I will be the only guy (other than the mobile trailor drivers) it helps to have easy access to chocolate when working with women. Hey, it doesn't hurt to be able to bribe someone with chocolate.

So I am now waiting to hear from HR about my paperwork tomorrow morning. Then I will be starting next Tuesday. I get to go to new staff orientation. My friend that works at the hospital, told me that it's a day and a half snoozefest, but I'm really excited about it and am looking forward to it.

Don' you know, How feel,
New Dawn, New Day, New Li-ife
And I'm Feelin Good

AiYahh!

It's the Year of the Rodent!

2008-02-06T21:36:00.000-08:00

Happy Year of the Rat.

Does this mean that cats all over the world have to worry? No, it just means that it is time for the new Lunar year to begin.

I was taking the bus coming home and the girl sitting next to me was wishing people happy new year the whole time. I assume that it was different people, since she kept saying that she was on the bus, in both Cantonese and Mandarin. I love being multi-lingual.

I have to admit, I may have some doing in her wanting to call people up. When she first sat down next to me, I was knitting a scarf. I finished, then started sending out text messages to my friends and family members. I have an adversion to talking on the phone while on the bus, so texting is perfect for me.

I noticed that she was looking at my cell phone screen and READING. How rude of her! I guess my happy new year text messages prompted her to call people up. I'm also sure she felt talking out loud, because she spoke only in the different Chinese dialects, was safe. That nobody around her would understand.

I'm just glad she didn't talk about anything personal. I would have a hard time keeping a "straight" face. Sitting next to her, I was able to listen to everything she said.

This is also the first time I'm celebrating the Lunar New Year without my family. My dad passed away last year right before the Lunar New Year, so we didn't celebrate. It kinda sucked, but that's the way it goes. So the last time I've had to really celebrate, was two years ago. I kinda forgot what I had to do to prepare for the big shindig.

What I do remember to do, eat vegetarian (not hard, since I AM vegetarian), not wash on the first day (so I have to wash up really well before midnight tonight), don't handle things with sharp, cutting edges tomorrow (so everything has to be able to be eaten sans knife... i.e. no pizza for me), no foul language or talk of death, etc. (it's a think and say happy thoughts time for me), no arguing, no work of anykind.

Happy New Year everyone!!!

WELLcome to New Year,
Peace, Happiness and Fortune
To you from AiYahh!

AiYahh!!!

Where do these people come from?

2008-01-02T18:59:00.000-08:00

I'm at work, crazy huh? I'm working at a store, and I'm blogging. Not very hard to do actually. It is now 7:00PM and my store is supposed to be closed, but I have one homeless guy (who bought something, so technically, he's a customer) and sitting down. Another customer is looking at our boxed chocolates (she is taking forever and I have no idea what she's doing).

She has already asked me to open up a box since it's wrapped in plastic. I told her no. There is a sign nearby showing the contents of the box.

Why me.

Isn't this the time of year a lot of people commit suicide? Oh yeah, that's Christmas time. But that was only last week, does this still count?

On a bright note, my Christmas was nice and so was my New Year's Eve. Stkyrice came up here and we spent Christmas together and it was my first white Christmas. So of course I had to be out in the middle of it. We're still doing renovations at my place, so I was doing laundry during Christmas. Hey, at least I have clean clothes.

I had to work New Year's Eve. After work, I thought about going out to a bar or club, but ended up playing video games with friends that were sick (and so didn't go out). So we had a virtual New Year's Eve (I was fighting baddies in a mini-skirt) (if I was still seeing a therapist, he would've had a field day with that one).

So the renovations of my basement is coming along. The new concrete floor has dried and some walls are going up. The electrician is coming on Friday and we're going to get an estimate on how much it will cost to do everything we need to have done. So we'll probably get some stuff done first, like the power for the pumps and some lights, then leave the other areas unfinished till we have more money.

At the end of it, I'll be living in an unfinished basement for a while.

AiYahh!

Happy (Post) Gobble Gobble

2007-11-23T18:20:00.000-08:00

Well, Thanksgiving has passed and now the official shopping season has started.

Did anyone hear the gunshot go off?

I was actually a little too full from Thanksgiving dinner to even move. I went to some friends place, where I was actually able to eat everything that was served! This was a very unique experience for me since I have been dreading this holiday ever since I became vegetarian. It's either not enough food, in some cases, none at all. Then there are the common, "What do you mean you don't eat meat?" comments. I've actually stopped going out with certain friends because of that comment. I think that friend has been inviting me to his house every year since then, for Thanksgiving and regretting his comment, since I may forgive someone, I will never forget what they did or say.

Is that holding a grudge? No, not in my eyes. That comment made me feel very uncomfortable and I would rather NOT be in a place where I have been made uncomfortable, so I will never go to his house for Thanksgiving dinner.

So... what did I have this year? Let's see, butternut squash soup, greenbean casserole, cauliflour casserole, something with beets, vegetable raggout, stuffing, trout, rolls, wild mushroom aioli, mushroom gravy, caviar appetizers on little pancakes, cranberry sauce, pumpkin cheesecake, and my contribution... magic blondies.

I ate at a moderate pace and felt satisfied at the end of the evening. On the way home, my stomach was in pain! I ate too much it seems. Oh well, it is Thanksgiving, and that's one of the traditions.

After I got home with Scott, we watched "The Black Hole" with our roommate. I don't remember very much of it, since I had a full stomach and spent most of it curled up on Scott's lap sleeping. I do remember people shooting what looked like lasers and menacing robots. Not exactly traditional Thanksgiving fare.

Oh well, welcome to my world.

This year, I'm thankful for my friends, both old and new. I'm thankful that I still have my health. I'm thankful for my newfound appreciation of Seattle weather and its occupants. I'm thankful for everything that has happened to me in my life leading up to this point, good and bad, because those experiences are what has shaped me into the person I am today.

What are you thankful for?

Counting my blessings,
The clouds pass over my head,
Isn't that, silver?

AiYahh!

Swimming in chocolate!

2007-11-02T18:12:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I last posted anything here. It's taken me this long to settle in here in Seattle!

So, I have been looking for a job pretty seriously. The first month here was especially hard. I had one prospect, but after the first and second interview, I lost out. They decided to hire internally. I kinda had a feeling that I wouldn't get it during the interview, but I was trying to be optimistic and ignored it.

So I continued looking for jobs, sending my resume and job applications all over the place. Not really all over to be honest. I am really trying to make a decision over where I worked. I want to only work in a place where I can get to on one bus ride. It helps that I'm within walking distance to several bus lines and can go almost anywhere in Seattle.

In the meanwhile, I have found a job working at a chocolate store. I won't mention the name, but it's a franchise and it's based in Colorado. To be honest, I wasn't too sure I could work here. I mean, I AM a bit of a food snob. So the only reason I was willing to work here, was because they use higher quality chocolate.

Hey, I've worked in a chocolate store in the past. The employees are expected to try everything. If the chocolate was low quality, I would have threw it all up on my first day!

The pay isn't very much, but it's better than nothing. So I have to tighten my belt a little and curb my spending a lot. Pasta and red sauce for dinner and Almond Butter and Jelly (AB&J) sandwiches for lunch, have become a reality for me. It's a good thing there are several Costcos up here and my membership is paid up for the year.

One common comment I've gotten after working here for a month is, "How do you stay so skinny?"

The answer I give is, "Moderation". I don't eat a lot of anything in the store. Which is true. I have a major sweet tooth, so it would be very easy for me to just open my mouth and start shoveling candy into it, but I don't. Since I have to try everything, I portion whatever I'm eating. My favorite is chocolate cover sunflower seeds. I'm really glad we have these, since they were already my favorite for about 2 years now. They are not very common, so when I find a place that has it, I tend to buy several pounds of it, to last me of course :)

So wish me luck as I make my way around Seattle looking for a (better paying) job and just generally, enjoying my time up here.

Oh, I'm headed back to San Francisco this weekend for my appointment with Project T. So a few folks know about it, but of course, I won't be able to meet with many people.

Rain in Seattle
Isn't really rain at all.
More like heavy spit

AiYahh!

How am I supposed to respond to that?

2007-09-05T11:58:00.000-07:00

Well, yesterday went well.

My last day at work went very smoothly. Created a few accounts. Deleted a few accounts. Received an order from OfficeMax, saw it was missing some items (one only really), so I contacted them to get credit and have them ship out another one. Blah Blah blah.

I spent all night packing. Just when I thought that was it. I would find another thing that I had to bring up with me. I stopped counting all the times I had to open up and close that relocation box.

So here I am at home, waiting for a phone interview. That's the one thing I hate about SF. The cell reception can sometimes cut out completely for absolutely no reason and it just enough of a break so that your call ends.

I couldn't risk that happening to me, so I decided to stay at home today to wait for that phone call. In the meanwhile, I'm here blogging, chatting and watching porn.

Now if I could only get paid for this LOL

So since I have so much free time on my hands, I thought about a conversation I had with my mom as I was packing. We were just in the garage, me packing, her smoking, when she brings up my friend from the Ping's (Ping Yuen Housing Projects, where I grew up in Chinatown). She couldn't remember his name or what floor he lived on, but did mention that it was the guy that broke his back.

She was talking about my friend Simon. I remember Simon, because we were friends growing up. He was a year older than me, but was held back in school, so we were in the same class. I would often tutor him in school work. Simon was one of the "kwai jai" a bad boy, a gangster. I just thought he was kewl to hang out with, along with all our other friends.

My mom mentioned that Simon's mom had left and was no longer living there. I didn't ask if she knew where she moved to, this was sounding a lot like gossip, and I really didn't wanna hear about all the bad shit that's happening around there. My mom went on, that the sister was dealing drugs and turned the apartment into a brothel, that she was now a prostitute.

What am I supposed to say to something like that? "Good for her?" "Is she looking for clients?" What?

I also remembered the sister. Actually, I knew the whole family. When the dad passed away over 10 years ago, it hit me really hard and I was depressed for a while. I got over it slowly by moving on and giving support to the whole family. I studied for the S.A.T.'s with the youngest son. Heck, I considered that guy my best friend. So when my mom mentioned the sister, I remembered that I had seen her recently at work. She was with some ladies using the public computers here at the library. I said hi to them and she was surprised to see me.

I realized that she was "ashamed" or embarrassed for some reason. So I mentioned that I worked there and that if they needed to print out anything, they could do it on my computer so they didn't have to pay for it. We said our goodbyes and that was the last I'd seen or heard of her, till now.

So I really don't know what's happened to that family. If what my mom is telling me is true, that family's really screwed and not in a good way.

I'm not sure if I"m ready for this kind of conversation with my mom. Can't we go back to talking about what we're having for dinner and who won the most at mah jong last night?

Things and people change.
For the good sometimes and bad.
Just roll with it boy.

AiYahh!

Farewell to ...

2007-09-04T01:16:00.000-07:00

It is now the eve to my last day at work. I have spent the this past weekend packing and spending time with friends to say goodbye. Did a lil bit of shopping. Bought a tuberose scented diffuser from Pottery Barn for my mom (it's her favorite scent). A Pee and Poo Plushie for Stkyrice. A new wallet for myself from Under One Roof. Strangely enough I wasn't really feeling it as I said my goodbyes. Yet, now, at 1:21AM, I have this weird "knot" in my stomach. I find that taking a breath of air doesn't come easily to me. My stomach and other internal organs are making funny gurgling sounds.

I just finished packing up all my cooking gadgets and most importantly, my KitchenAid Mixer. Early on during my relationship with Stkyrice, he asked me what I wanted as a gift. I told him "A KitchenAid mixer". It seemed funny, but that was exactly what I wanted. several years later, he bought it for me. It helped that I was working for Macy's at the time and I had a sweet discount, but I finally got my KitchenAid mixer and that's what's really important!

Here's a checklist for those people that are uninformed on what gay people want.
Kitchen appliance [X]
KitchenAid Brand appliance [X]
Shopping [X]
Item On Sale [X]

So after I've packed all my kitchen stuff, I'm almost done with the packing. All I have left is my computer and all the stuff I have on my computer desk. Why can't I get over it and just do it? This is something that really fracking irritates the frack out of me. I will be able to start something, do it really well, but as I get close to finish, my steam runs out. This has been a constant in my life and it fracking sucks BALLS!

That's one of the issues that I hope to address with this move to Seattle. No time like the present right? Uh, not quite.

Frack it all!

So I find myself not being able to do the last bit of packing.

Tomorrow is my last day of packing, the movers are taking the box away the next day. I have to have everything that I'm moving, in that box.

I find that, THAT's the surefire way for me to do something, to do it at the last minute. It seems that, then, I can't really think too much about it and I just do it. So I'm going to call it a night and finish packing tomorrow.

I'm really hoping work is going to be a chill day. I've already gotten my last pay check and I am SO temped to call in sick. I mean, what are they going to do, fire me? LOL

But that's just not me, I never call in sick unless I really AM sick. A huge reason I racked up so much sick leave. I actually like to work and when I don't work, I try to busy myself by finding things to do.

That's another thing I need to work on, doing more "Me' things. I hope to do more knitting, yoga and meditating. I've already decided that one of my first knitting projects will be a cover for the lounge chair I'm bringing up to Seattle with me. This was going to be the only piece of furniture, while packing, we found Stkyrice's old computer desk. He's giving it to me, so now I'll have a comfy chair and desk up in Seattle!

I'm feeling much better right now. Just the act of blogging about my move is helping to calm me down, way cool.

Who wouda thunk it, blogging as therapy!

Words spoken out loud
Take with them my fear and doubts,
Ahhhh, comes out my mouth.

AiYahh!

On a count of, One

2007-08-31T23:36:00.000-07:00

I now have one more day of work. The farewell party at work yesterday went off pretty nicely. At one point, I was afraid that there wasn't going to be enough food. What does that say about me?

People started coming in slowly at first, but then it seemed as if the whole world was there. What I really liked, was that almost everyone there was from my department, but since this department was so big, not everybody knew each other. I was the only person there that knew everyone. Which is as it should be, since everyone there was there to say goodbye to me. I would have to say, that was the best time I've ever had at a "Work" function. It's just sad that it's also practically, my last day there.

I think I'm a smalltown boy at heart. I tend to like knowing my neighbor. That I can grab an empty cup, run next door and borrow a cup of sugar. In the past, I really enjoyed working in small offices. Where the staff size was small and we worked hard and partied just as hard, if not harder!

I guess I kinda miss that feeling.

A common question to me was, "Why are you leaving?".

The simple answer was that it was time for me to leave.

I've never worked at a job for longer than 2 years in the past. It was the perfect length of time it seemed. It was long enough to get to know the job. I mean really know it, so that what started off difficult and impossible, is now easy. It was also enough time to get leave, before any resentments can grow. Leave while people are still nice to each other.

So what happened in this case? What happened, that I would stay at the same job for over 5 years?

I'm not really sure, to be honest. To be sure, I got complacent, I got lazy. Early on, I had posted a list of classes I was to take near my desk. I never looked at it. At some point, I wanted to just "take it easy". Which is exactly what happened. I took it easy after that 2nd year and I never really pushed further.

That's my mistake. Now that I am moving on, I have to push myself and see what I can do.

Tomorrow, the movers are bringing a huge box. I am to fill it up and lock it with my own lock once I'm done. Then the movers will transport the box for me to my new place. I have been slowly packing and DAMN if it's not the hardest thing to do!

I am having to go through all my things and decide if I really want to bring it with me or not. In a way, I use my physical things to define me... mostly books, but also a lot of little knick knacks. Now since I'm moving into a new place, I'm not going to have a room to hold all these things. Which is one reason why I'm trying to limit myself, using just one relocation box.

Stkyrice jokes around and says that he's going to sign me up for one of those shows that help you get rid of clutter.

I told him that, that would be the last he'd ever see or hear from me. And I meant it, even though I laughed as I said the words. Throwing out my things, the wanting to throw the things away, has to come from inside of me. It can't come from the outside, no matter what.

I guess I really do take after my Zodiac sign, the rat. I tend to make a burrow and build it up to be safe and happy. My place may look messy, but I can always find the things that I need to.

I'm going to have to deal with this "Burrowing" feeling in the new place. I'm hoping that by making things around the house, I'll satisfy it. Right now, as far as I know. I will not have a space I can call my own, just yet.

I'm going to be doing my contract transcription job in the dining room. I hope that once the basement is finished, I'll be able to set up my space there, but we'll have to wait for the basement to be finished first.

When I first saw the place with Scott, he joked and said that it had a dungeon.

I actually got excited! Yes, I am a sick puppy and I admit it. All these thoughts of what we would be doing in a "dungeon" got me really turned on. Then Scott shot those thoughts down when he said that he was going to get rid of it.

It's too bad really. After looking at the supposed dungeon, it's really just a pantry in the basement. It would have been perfect for storing wine. We're storing our wine in boxes right outside the dungeon right now, it's such a shame, really.

I'm going to see if I can set up a wine bottle storage somewhere down there.

It's really funny. I'm not even moved up there and I've already had plans on how to change it.

That's another way to identify a gay man. We love to redecorate!

If you ever have a gay man visit your place. Feel free to ask him what he would change, just be prepared to go shopping with him to get all the materials or new furniture the changes will require!

Don't say I didn't warn you!

The countdown has begun...

2007-08-29T11:50:00.000-07:00

It's finally here, my last week on my job.

So in a few short days (Laborday is on Monday), less than a week. I'll be leaving my current position.

To be fair. I did give six week's notice, so this is not a total shock for the folks here. What's shocking, is that they are going to throw me a farewell party tommorow! What makes it so shocking, is that I am not the person organizing it.

Ok, to be honest, the person who is organizing it needed some help. It was a good thing I helped her. The original guest list had twenty people invited (not including myself). After seeing the lists of invitees, I noticed that there were people I worked with here that were not invited. So of course, I went ahead and invited them, pushing up the numbers another twenty! Time to order more food.

The original list of invitees only had the other Administrative Assistants and folks in my lab. The problem is that I work with many more people than that. Doing projects for other folks in my department and the university at large. It took me quite a while to cultivate these relationships and it was only right, that I got to say goodbye to them as well. Anyway, it's my party damn it and I can invite anyone I damn well please hehehehehe

So on the job search front. I've been sending my resume to any contacts that I had up in Seattle. Hey, when looking for a job, it's sometimes not WHAT you know, but WHO. I've gotten some responses and have already done a telephone interview. I'm setting up some interviews in two weeks. I was getting a lil bit worried, till I got those phone calls. I can't believe how nervous I was! Getting called by some of the possible employers really helped set my nerves at ease.

So wish me luck!

Out knocking on doors
Pounding the pavement again
The job search goes on

AiYahh!

What do I look like?

2007-08-09T00:17:00.000-07:00

I had a funny night today. There I was at Cafe Flore, a pretty popular cafe (a coffee house that serves mix alcoholic drinks, how gay is that?) and as usual, I'm killing time waiting to meet up with a friend. This time around, I'm waiting for my friend Jason.

He told me that he was busy in meetings till about 8, so I sat down with my IPod (I'm listening to "A Dirty Job" by Christopher Moore) and some hot "Tension Tamer" Tea and got ready for more "reading". I got a few minutes into it when I heard them announce that they were going to have a benefit for "Under One Roof" a local charity that will benefit about 30 agencies here in the San Francisco Bay Area. They were kicking off the night with a raffle drawing, live performances and selling abstract art by an artist from Palm Springs.

I always want to support as many agencies as I can, so had decided to buy some raffle tickets. I saw the art that was being sold and I was never going to wear any of that tacky faggoty clothes or hang up that kinda stuff in my place. So I'm a bad fag, sue me. I'm Chinese and the raffle was the best deal. Each raffle ticket was one dollar. Five dollars gets you six tickets. Ten dollars and the volunteer will measure your inseam for that amount of tickets.

Did I hear that correctly? Measure my "inseam". I think I probably have the shortest legs in the whole place, no way am I going to get any value there! I would be better off buying with two five dollar bills and get twelve tickets!

So as Rob the volunteer comes near me, I hold up two fives. Damn it, another volunteer sees me and says, "Oh, ten dollars? Do you want your inseam measured?" I shook my head no, cuz I really didn't. She looked confused and asked am I sure. I told her, "Yes, I'm sure."

They really wanted to measure me, they had already seen that I was Asian and wasn't very tall, the bastards. So I told them that they could measure the white drag queen, who I had just seen being measured and saw a huge line of tickets. I figured, hey, at least I'll have as good a chance as that queen!

So off Rob goes, to measure her again. I took a picture as proof. They asked me if I wanted to tear the tickets in two. I said, "Sure." and stood up. I was handed on half of the ticket and the drag queen the other. As I pulled the ticket apart, Rob grabbed my dick through my pants and jack me off!

I was shocked and of course I got hard! I'm just hoping my boyfriend, Scott doesn't show up unexpectedly, that would be a bad thing. So I got my tickets, thanked both Rob and the drag queen, I think her name was Sister Belle Of The Ball (of the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence) and I sat down again to read an actual book that I brought along to read. I wasn't going to be able to hear my IPod with this event going on.

As part of the event, there was an alcohol promotion going on. I'm not going to mention what the alcohol was, because although several rounds of the free drinks were passed around all over the place, I wasn't offered any!

I mean, do I look like I'm underage or can't drink or something? I already proved that I had money by buying raffle tickets and I'm still in my business casual clothes since I didn't have time to change after work. So what was it?

I would have to chalk it up to old fashioned racism. Yes, folks, it is still alive and kicking here in San Francisco. Even over something as stupid as free fucking alcohol. I noticed that everybody got drinks, many people got seconds and thirds, I never got one. The lady with the glowing drink tray was standing three feet away from me and made it a point of always having her back to me the whole time as she passed out drinks to everyone except me. How fucking obvious can you get.

If my tea hadn't cooled off, I would've thrown the whole damn thing all over her skinny ass.

Instead, I just went back to my book and wished every there a happy case of jaundice or food poisoning.

The raffle happened and I didn't win anything, but I wasn't surprised, my night was turning out to be pretty crappy anyway.

My friend Jason did show up and we chatted for a bit before he had to take off to meet with another friend of his. I stayed and waited for Stkyrice, who eventually came and we went to dinner.

The two of us headed across the street to Bagdad Cafe. I don't know what it was, but tonight was not my night.

I wasn't very hungry, since I had a slice of pizza earlier, so just ordered a bowl of corn chowder. I thought that was safe, no cooking needed, just scoop it into a bowl and I'm happy. Stkyrice ordered the sloppyjoe with desert fries.

We noticed that the quality of the servers had gone down, dramatically. Another party of seven came in after us and they were treated horribly. By our server. It looked tonight is our lucky night.

Our food arrived. I should say, Stkyrice's food arrived. Mine was still M.I.A. (Missing In America) and was nowhere to be found. I told you tonight's my night. Stkyrice was halfway through his sandwich when my soup came. It was the wrong soup. I looked at it and since it didn't look anything like any kind of chowder, much less corn, I sent it back.

My chowder came back. I felt like I should've checked to see if anyone spit in it or something. How can you tell if someone spit in your chowder? Oh well.

I ate it, and when Stkyrice asked me how it was? I told him that I liked Scott's better, cuz I did. My boyfriend, Scott makes a terrific corn chowder. At that point, Stkyrice asked me if I wanted to leave.

I looked at him and asked if he wanted to start working there, since it looked like he already had the attitude down pat. Stkyrice was already finished with his food, so we waited till I was finished with my soup to leave.

I had always considered Bagdad Cafe one of the best places to eat around the Castro. The food was tasty, inexpensive and the service great. Now, I'm going to have to change my opinion of it. The service has gone down hill and doesn't look like it's getting better anytime soon, or ever and the food along with it.

I love fries and usually sneak as many as I can off of Stkyrice's plate. I had one this time and regretted having even that one!

It's sad when even the fries sucked ass.

So Bagdad Cafe, come for the crappy food, stay for the attitude.

This just ain't my night
From one place to another
It's time to move on.

AiYahh!

I need a BIG towel and a cold shower right now

2007-08-07T15:32:00.000-07:00

I just saw a slideshow of the pictures out of 2.AM a new picture book from Artist/Photographer Norm Yip based in Hong Kong.

I've never heard of this guy, but WOW!

He has a blog and a link to the slideshow I mentioned earlier on it. Check it out and prepare to drool.

Men of all shapes, sizes
Float by like a distant dream.
Leaving me...wanting.

AiYahh!

Guess what I'm watching and singing to?

2007-08-04T00:31:00.001-07:00

Guess what I'm watching and singing to?
Originally uploaded by AiYahh

Yep, that's right, I'm going to the Hairspray: Sing Along!

I've been hearing so much about it so I thought I'd look it up online and saw that they were going to have a sing along version! So of course I had to go, I'm gay, I think there's like some bylaw in the gay manual somewhere that says I must be crazy about Broadway musicals and showtunes or something like that.

Yeah, it's right there, next to the part about having no gag reflex and looking for sex everywhere I go.

Speaking of which, before going into a movie, I like to hit the restroom first, so I can enjoy the movie easier you know. So there I am, waiting in line listening to my IPod and then I get cruised by a cute guy coming out.

This is the part where I should mention that I'm as thick as a brick. I only noticed the guy cruising me when he walked by and had his head turned my way, watching me as he washed his hands and then as he was drying them.

It feels kinda nice being cruised, but since I'm not looking for it, I didn't want to send out any signals that I'm interested, so I pretty much ignored him, but dang it felt good to be cruised :)

Words up on the screen
The toe taps and mouths open.
Can't stop the music

AiYahh!

Where have I been?

2007-07-31T07:33:00.000-07:00

I don't know where the heck I've been, but I've never seen or heard about this performance of Jai Rodriguez and Cheyenne Jackson perform the Elephant Love Medley from Moulin Rouge. I finally bumped into it on Ethan Reynold's site Brat Boy School.

I'm putting it up here, so I have something to study. My boyfriend and I are always singing it to each other, but we can't seem to get the dang words right! What was that about memory being the first thing to go??? Damn it, we're only in our mid 30's!

Give me a G sharp
Singing brings us together
Earplugs by request

AiYahh!

Why can't I sleep tonight?

2007-07-29T03:20:00.000-07:00

Well, it's now 3 freaking O'clock in the morning on Sunday morning and I can't freaking sleep. Now normally, this would be a bad thing, but in this case, it's not. So what's different about today you ask? Well, it may be because there is so much that is happening.

First of all, it's super instructor (and resident hottie) Matty's last day here in San Francisco. He'll be teaching his last two classes later this morning and then heading off to San Diego afterwards.

Here is a mini video of his last day at Sauce.

The lovely folks at Sauce made him a PENIS cake!!!

I have no idea how they got his measurements to get such an exact replica, but I'm sure he enjoyed the experience *grin*.

Sadly, I'm going to be missing out on this and said my goodbyes on Friday after a great BodyJam class. Who sez I don't hug people when I sweat?

I'm spending my precious morning volunteering at the San Francisco Marathon. I'm going to be handing out water and electrolyte drinks at water station 11 along the route (17th and Wisconsin for all the folks not running in the marathon). This is mile 22 1/2 out of the 26.2 miles total. My station is the last with electrolyte drink and second to the last for water. Check out the map yourself for a more detailed look.

So now we get into the reason of why I'm up so early. The race starts at 5:30AM and I have to be at my station at 6:15AM. We're to expect the first runners at 7:22AM. That means the first runners would have ran 22 1/2 miles in less than two hours! We're talking about serious world class athletes here folks.

I've decided to wear my olive green shoulder bag with me today. Inside will be a few energy bars, my DSLite, reading book, sunscreen and a microfiber towel, cause I'm going to be wet!

From handling the water of course LOL.

Ok, ok, it may also be because my boyfriend Scott, is also running in the marathon. I so love seeing him all sweaty and panting. Something about it just turns me ON!

So I'm supposed to wrap up at the station by 12:30PM. I plan on meeting up with Scott and take care of him in his post race exhaustion. Once that's taken care of AND if I have any energy left, I might head on over to the Dore Alley for the "Up Your Alley" Street Fair.

Last year, I took part and did a chest and nipple play demo. The pictures can be found here.

So I'm not sure if I'll go and if I go, I'm not sure what I'll find there, but whatever happens, I'm sure alot of people will be tired out and sweaty today!

Running in circles
An absolute truth, hits me.
Sweat is good for you

AiYahh!

It's time to mosy on up

2007-07-19T01:34:00.000-07:00

So, I finally gave notice to my supervisor at work yesterday that I'm leaving work. I think it may have come as a surprise, but since I had told a few people about the possibility of my leaving, I wouldn't be surprised if she already knew.

She had called me into her office to discuss the plans for what to do in my office since a new doctor is coming to work here and we're going to be playing a game of musical offices. It's started with the moving of one person's office, which will allow for us to clean it up, paint it and basically make it ready for the next person to move in. The trick here, is to do it two more times in the space of a month and a half.

As part of this meeting, I was informed that I would be supporting this new doctor as one of his new administrative assistants. At that point, I knew I had to tell her that I was leaving.

I found that after I told her that I was leaving, it felt like I had this huge weight lifted off of me. I have a concrete date (September 4) really looking forward to it. I originally wanted to take my last day off as a vacation, but I was told by human resources that I had to work on my last day. One good thing, is that by working one day in September, my health insurance will be covered till the end of October. It's like getting two months for the price of none. I mean, how much work am I really going to do on my last day? I hope that a new person is hired by then and I will be spending all my time training him/her. If someone isn't hired, then I can see myself being worked to the bone creating accounts, trying to contact Accounting (again) to pay some bill that's slipped through the cracks, or answering another call from a user who has forgotten (in some cases, never known) their password.

So I took my first BodyStep class yesterday and the teacher was Matty. He had his own bittersweet (his words) announcement to make as well. He has been trying to get hired as a Trainer of trainers for a few of the Les Mills Body Programs and he got the job! So that was the sweet, the bitter part is that, the job is located in San Diego, which will require him to move at the end of this month!

This announcement actually is good for me, because since he's training Trainers all over the West coast, it means that he'll be going up to Seattle, where I'm moving to! So I'm really happy Matty got this new job. Of course, it also means that I have to find a gym up in Seattle that has the various Les Mills Body Programs. Oh goody, I found two!!! Pro-Robics has two locations and it looks like one might be near my new place. I just did a search and YES, the gym is two miles away from my place, practically next to University of Washington! This gym has BodyStep and BodyPump, which is great since I do both. Things are looking really great, since Matty is a trainer for both of them, how cool is THAT!

This actually solves one of my moving issues. I was trying to figure out what gym to join after the move. Now I know which gym and where it's located. This is more incentive for me to get a job working from home or near UW, to make sure I go to the gym.

Hey, I've been a gym member for years now and proximity to home and/or work has always been a huge factor in how often I work out. I found that if I have to travel too far out of my way just to work out, I end up making too many excuses for myself not to work out. By having a gym nearby my work or home, I can go more easily and make working out part of my lifestyle.

Strangely enough, my friend Lee, saw me right after the BodyStep class and she said that I looked really good. It made me feel great at first, but I started wondering if it's because I actually put on some weight. Maybe I'm too skinny? Oh, one thing I found out from taking part in the Project T Study, is my body fat. I have a bodyfat of 12%. I know that's pretty healthy, I just have to stick to what I'm doing. What I'm eating and not be too hard on myself when I'm not feeling great and really hate what I see in the mirror. On those moments, I have to look at myself and tell myself that I'm healthy, attractive and gosh darn it, pets love me. Ok, maybe not All pets, but most of the pets that I've had the pleasure of meeting so far.

A one and two and...
Steps to a whole new body.
Three and four, now turn!

AiYahh!

Proof that this town is crazy

2007-07-08T10:44:00.000-07:00

So I finally went back into the the gym this past Friday. I hurt my toe changing a lightbulb back on April 8th and since then, have not gone into the gym. I mean, how crazy is that? I live in a three story house and of course the lightbulb that burned out was on the very top ceiling over the stairs. I do have an extension thingie to change lightbulbs but it wasn't long enough, which required me to stand on a ladder that wasn't stabilized very well. So there I was, up on a ladder that was half on the stairs and half on a suitcase, all steadied by my 70+ year old mother. It was an accident waiting to happen. Where's my sitcon damnit!

There were two bulbs that went out and I changed the first one without any problems. It was after I changed the second one when the accident happened. I had finished changing the lightbulb and was stepping down off the ladder. Now remember, I had just changed the lightbulbs so it was still dark. So when I stepped down to the stairs, I misjudged the distance and once my first toe touched the step, I placed my whole weight down on it. The toe of course wasn't able to support my whole body and I went down.

There was a lot of pain and after a while, I was able to isolate it to just my toe middle left toe. Since I didn't see anything wrong with it, I limped on and went about my business. Later on that night, when I noticed that the toe had swelled up and was now the color of an eggplant, I rushed to the emergency room.

X'rays were taken and three doctors looked at it. An ER doctor, a Radiology Fellow and an Attending. Two of the doctors saw nothing wrong, but the third, the Attending, did. I went on crutches for the next few days, then switched to a Orthopaedic boot for two more weeks.

Long story short, I haven't exercised for the two months after I hurt my toe and I decided to go back to the gym on Friday. I took a BodyJam class with Matty. He's my favorite gym instructor and I try to take his class whenever I can. Why is that you say? It's because he's got that something special going on. Yes, he's a hottie and very easy on the eye, but he's got this great ability to really motivate me in the class, and that's why I keep going back.

This time around, I think I must have overdid it. I was able to do almost everything in the class. I found that I really can't do jumps very well without pain, so stopped doing that during class, but what a workout. By the end of the hour, I was no longer dancing as I used to do, and was just marking the moves, and pretty much taking it easy, because that was all I really could do. I was wiped.

My body was in pain. Everything was sore. I think my sores were sore. Geeze that sounds disgusting. It's like little tiny sores were squirting out something, or something like that. Ick Ick Ick.

Speaking of sores, I woke up and found a pimple!!!! The weird thing was, it was on my inner thigh on my left leg. I had a body pimple!!! I need to scrub my body like crazy now with loofa or something, I can't have pimples popping up (hahahaha get it, pimples *popping*) all over my body.

So I needed to do something about this sore body. I decided to get a massage and it's frustrating! I guess I'm naive or something, but when I see non-sexual in a massage ad, that's what I expect, a non-sexual massage. I went to a massage once that was supposed to be non-sexual. I didn't have much money and the guy advertised a non-sexual massage $60/hr. I said "great". I have to say, the massage was pretty good, but things got weird when the massage turned sexual. I am not made of stone. When a cute guy is touching me all over my naked body, there's a pretty good chance that I'll pop (this word is SO going to be my favorite word for a while) a boner. I didn't expect that he was going to massage my cock as well, or do any of what happened afterwards. We ended up making out and he wasn't using his hands to massage my cock anymore. I have to say, I did enjoy the sex, but I didn't want it and wasn't looking for it. So although I had a nice massage and the sex was great, I don't think I'll ever call this guy ever again.

So where does that leave me? I am pretty wary of all massage ads now. I looked in all the massage postings and couldn't really find anything that I was comfortable with that was in my price range. After a full day of looking, I broke down and decided to try Eros. Eros? You're probably wondering WTF? Eros is a sex club here in SF. Yeah, strange, I know, but Eros is also a day spa and has a great non-sexual massage practice. So I called them up at 2AM to make an appointment for the next day, which happens to be today.

I explained to the Eros staff on the other line the whole situation and he suggested that I go with Jay. I said sure, I looked him up on the massage staff page and saw that he was trained at National Holistic Institute. My friend Tho also graduated from there and the training there is amazing, so I was very comfortable with my selection of Jay as my massage therapist.

I'm home now, and I have to say, Jay did an amazing job releasing all the tension that I had in my body! Best of all, no sex! It was kinda odd, since this was a sex club and I could hear some sounds of sex going on, but I didn't have sex during my massage. Don't get me wrong, I definitely felt like there was sexual energy between Jay and myself, but that's as far as it got, and I'm really happy for that. If I were in a situation where I could play around with others, I would have no problem trying to get into Jay's pants (or vice versa, let him into mine). Jay is a total cutie!!!

At the end of massage, Jay taught me a way to stretch to release more tension and gave me his contact info for if I want him to do an outcall apart from the spa and have him come to my place, but I don't think I would ever do that. I don't have any space here at my place that would be conducive for a massage. What with my sister and nephew being here, I would never be able to have a room or space for that without someone barging in. So I have to see if he has a private studio or I'll just have to see him at Eros again.

We're always, Seeking, Searching.
But never, Finding.
Till we stop, Looking.

AiYahh!

Sorry for the disappearing act...

2007-06-22T13:29:00.000-07:00

Hi there,

It's been a while since the last time I posted anything here. It doesn't mean that I stopped living or anything, but some things did happen in my life that brought me down.

I tried several times to write something, anything, only to lose that moment and ended up scrapping whatever I wrote down.

In a nutshell, I found out my dad had lung cancer in the middle of January. He actually found this out on December 23, 2006 while he was in China. He spends half the year there ever since he retired, so it was quite a shock for him. After a lot of conversations between members of my family, it was decided that my dad would move back here. He would have better access to medical care and the expenses would be covered by the kids. My brother Chester was the only one of us with dual citizenship, so was the natural choice to go there and help bring him back.

My dad died on January 19, 2007 during the flight back here.

I've been trying to deny it to myself, but I'm pretty sure that I'm suffering from depression. I find it hard to concentrate on anything personal. Work is a lil bit easier, at least I can concentrate better there.

So, here's some of what I'm trying to do to move on. I now have a more tangible date for my move up to Seattle...September 8th. I've decided to concentrate on more "Me" things and stopped playing Role Playing Games, at least the versions that have contact with others. So now my only RPG playing is on my DSLite. Oh yeah, I bought a DSLite. I'm currently playing Animal Crossings, Children of Mana, Pokemon Pearl, FFIII, and Nintendogs. I haven't given out my friend code to anyone yet, so I'm essentially playing with myself.

My gosh, that sounded dirty.

Speaking of sex, that's pretty much what I'm doing...playing with myself. Strangely enough, I'm ok with that. I still get crazy horny and find cute guys attractive, but I don't have that urge to want to do anything with them. I have started fucking myself with a buttplug I have. It has an opening in it for an egg vibrator, so guess what I did? Yup, I bought a vibrator so I've got a vibrating buttplug. And yes, It makes me very happy :)

My digital camera broke pretty recently. I never dropped it or anything, the dang thing just broke! I have absolutely no idea how. So since it is Gay Pride this month and I'm going down to AnimeExpo, I NEED to have a working digital camera. So now I am the proud owner of a Olympus 7.1Meg digital camera. I'm still learning how to take shots with it, so be look out for them here.

Since I'm moving up to Seattle in September, I'm trying to do as much (community wise) as I can. So I'm serving as a Safety Monitor for tonight's Transgender March being held in Delores Park. It starts at 6:30PM and it should be fun. Tomorrow, I'm going to have a spa day and booked a massage at Kabuki Springs. I plan on spending the whole day there, so it should be fun. My bf Scott keeps joking that I'm getting a "happy ending", but I'm absolutely sure THAT's not going to happen. Especially not the way I'm feeling right now towards sex. At night, the 15th Annual Dyke March is happening going right into Pink Saturday in the Castro. If I can swing it, I would love to check it out both, but I'll be happy just hanging out at PInk Saturday.

Sunday is going to be crazy busy. I'm marching with the Billy De Frank Center in the Gay Pride Parade. The crazy thing this year, is that it's going to be televised on live tv (if you have cable tv Channel 99 in sf), but Clear Channel and KRON TV are going to have a live unedited webcast of the whole thing! After marching, I'm going to again, act as a Safety Monitor, either during the parade or at the festival.

On a modeling tip. I was just asked today, to do a photoshoot for UCSF's fitness center. This is part of the community campaign so of course, no money involved, but it'll be fun and the shoot is scheduled for Thurday, right before I head down to L.A. for the AnimeExpo and the True Colors tour.

I hope to visit the ostrich farm on this trip :)

To everything, turn, turn, turn
I see the light now
On wings of doves, I fly off.

AiYahh!

Merry Christmas to all...

2006-12-25T23:22:00.000-08:00

...Even to those that are disturbed by my blog LOL

To be honest, when I created this blog, I put in the headlines that this was a blog by a Gay, Chinese guy and that if you are easily disturbed by things, leave. I never thought that anything I wrote in here would ever disturb anyone. I guess I was wrong.

I talk about anything here, mostly about world events, some politics, things in my personal life, current events, etc, etc. Pretty much anything that happens in this world as it affects me. I also take pictures and sometimes little videos like the one on this post.

A few days ago, I was contacted by someone asking for a knitting pattern. You see, I had participated in this year's yoga olympics and my entry was a yoga mat. Sadly, I didn't make it in time before my friend left, but I did finish it in time. So I am now holding onto a really kewl handmade yoga mat :)

As a life lesson, I really should start putting my knitting patterns in one place, because I have no idea where I put the yoga mat pattern!

I made it during my lunch break at work and since finishing it, have no idea where I put the pattern. So since I still have the yoga mat, I am going to try and figure out the pattern and send it to the person asking.

What's really funny, to me at least, is that I looked online and saw that someone wasn't comfortable with stuff I post in my blog!

Of course, I have no idea what it is that could possibly be offensive to someone, so I asked Stkyrice.

Me: "Hey hon, check this out" I show him the other person's blog post.
Stkyrice: "Well hon, your blog is pretty racy."
Me: "It is?"
SR: "Yeah, you may not think it is, but it is."
Me: "Oh, are you sure?"
SR: "You're so oblivious."

Well, I'm not planning on toning down my blog so people will just have to deal with it.

Oh, this video is of a house here in San Francisco on 21st Street and it's off the hook! There is a huge Christmas tree outside, with presents, toys and stuffed animals, even a guy dressed up as Santa. I actually sat down with him and asked him if this place was his house. He told me that his place is up in the North Pole. I didn't want to argue with him and just said that he must have come a long way just for this. Oh, he did give me a candycane and let me take a picture with him :)

My brother is here right now and he's going to be heading for China soon to pick up my dad. I still don't know how I feel about all this, but I guess time will tell.

I'll end tonight's post with a clip of "A Charlie Brown Christmas". The songs from this show are THE ONLY Christmas songs I will listen to when it's not actually Christmas. You can say that I love this show.

Enjoy :)

Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah
Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah
Don't you understand?

AiYahh!

Happy Holidays...

2006-12-22T10:28:00.000-08:00

to all you gentle ladies and men folk.

This year's holday season isn't turning out to be the best.

As I am stuck in my own feelings and thoughts, I'm constantly reminded that life goes on. Not everything is bad or horrible.

That's one thing that I have been accused of in the past, I'm too happy. I guess I'm guilty of it. I own it. I revel in it. I refuse to let bad or not so good things, ruin my outlook on life.

So I'll leave you with two things in today's post.

First, here is a holday wish from my friend artist, Sherrie Thai.

And second, a posting I saw from Tribe for global peace

WHO? All Men and Women, you and everyone
you know.

WHERE? Everywhere in the world, but especially in countries with weapons of mass destruction.

WHEN?
Winter Solstice Day - Friday, December 22nd,
at the time of your choosing, in the place of your choosing and with as much privacy as you choose.

WHY? To effect positive change in the energy field of the Earth through input of the largest possible surge of human energy a Synchronized Global Orgasm. There are two more US fleets heading for the Persian Gulf with anti-submarine equipment that can only be for use against Iran, so the time to change Earth’s energy is NOW! The intent is that participants concentrate thoughts during and after orgasm on peace.

Know when we'll have peace?
When we can Cum together!
Happy Holidays!

AiYahh!

Maybe it's the cold...

2006-12-19T02:14:00.000-08:00

Lately, I've been feeling kinda introspective, I find myself looking inward, analyzing everything that's happened in my life, how it affected me, what my actions were, should I have done the things I've done, would I have done them differently, would it even make a difference?

Hold on folks, this post is going to be long one.

It's Christmas time. At least that's what this time of year is usually called. It's past Thanksgiving and all the X'mas carols that have been playing everywhere are finally starting to NOT annoy me....much. See, I have this thing about hearing the appropriate music and songs for the events and holidays. Meaning, I do not like to hear X'mas songs on any day except Christmas morning. Yes, I don't even like to hear it on Christmas Eve. Except for that "Lucy and Linus" song from the "Charlie Brown X'mas Special" album. I just fucking LOVE that song and can't get enough of it.

So last week, while I was playing City of Heroes, my sister calls me up on the phone. This has always really irritated me. I live with my sister and our place is a three story house. She's usually on the top floor, while I'm on the bottom level. I always thought she should come down here if she wants to talk to me, but no, she just calls me on my cell phone. What's even worse, I'm in the middle of a battle in COH. I see from the caller ID that it's my sister, pick up the phone and snap at her. I immediately feel like shit when I hear her voice. I can hear that she's been crying. My sister and I aren't very close. None of my family have ever been close. I mean, we've had our odd moments, when we let our guard down and open up to each other, but that's few and far between.

Me: "What's the matter?"
Her: "Why do you always have to be so angry?"

I hear the tears in her voice and tone it down.

Me: "I a little busy right now, what's wrong?"

There's a pause.

Her: "Daddy's in the hospital."

I feel a sense of dread.

Me: "What do you mean?"
Her: "Daddy is in the hospital and he has cancer."

It got a little confusing after that, but I found out that my father, who was a huge smoker all my life, had developed lung cancer and it had already spread to other parts of his body. Chemo has already been ruled out, due to his age (he's in his mid 70's) and whatever else reason. He's being treated in a hospital in GuangZhou and says that he does not want to come back to the states. He states that nobody here will care for him.

I started going through my past. I thought of all the happy times I've had with my father.

Not surprisingly enough, I can't seem to find any. What's strange is the fact that I'm even trying to find any.

I came to the conclusion a long time ago, that my father isn't my father. At least, since he doesn't act like my father, then I won't treat him so.

I was having a really hardtime at this point. I mean, I could have compassion and empathy for complete strangers, but I can't muster up any for my own father.

I realized that I didn't feel sad about this.

I got angry at myself for not feeling sad.

I was still playing COH, so I told Tan and Scott what I've just found out and not to tell the others in the group. That I have to go take care of my sister and will be away for a while. I went upstairs to my sister.

I saw that she had stopped crying and I was able to get more info about dad's situation out of her. Apparently, someone from the hospital had called my sister and that's how she found out. My sister has the phone numbers of all my brothers, so she's going to coordinate something. My brother Allen has already said that he only wants to go back to China if it's to pay his last respects. My brother Chester will probably be the one to go back and handle things, as he has inlaws in Hong Kong and can stay with them. I've already decided that I won't be going back.

I still haven't decided if this wasn't some scheme of my dad's. Regardless, I still have a dental surgery planned to pay for, so have no money for an overseas trip.

I felt so useless at that point.

For the longest time, I always wondered what I would do if I were to find out that my father was dying. What would I say? Would I forgive him of all that's he's done to me and my family? Would I forget it all and just accept him as my father?

All those times, I never came up with an answer.

I couldn't.

At least, I couldn't and still be true to myself. I would end up resenting him even more and myself and everyone else around me for "forcing" me to accept him, to forgive him, to forget.

So in all those previous times in my mind, I never forgave him. I decided that if he wants my forgiveness, then he will have to make the first move. He will have to prove to me, that he is acting like my father, that he is even capable of that.

I knew that he wasn't.

So I never did, and here we are, the moment of truth.

I flashed back in time. Back to when I was still in high school and I was hanging out with my best friend Kevin. We were hanging out every day and were as close as two people can be.

One thing that Kevin could never get past was the way I acted towards my father. Kevin's opinion was that no matter what he said or did, he was ultimately my father. He gave me life and I had to give him respect for that.

I didn't have that opinion.

I knew that I wasn't wanted. I knew that my parents did not want another baby. My dad had already had three sons from a previous marriage and already had one son and a daughter with this wife. I was an accident. Hong Kong had something happen to it's contraceptives that year, but that didn't stop my father's getting pleasure. So he continued to fuck my mom, without protection, and I was the result.

When I was only a year old, I had really fell in love with superheroes on TV. I decided to emulate their flying, by jumping off our really high bunkbed.

For just a brief moment, I was flying just like a superhero, then the pain came.

I had dislocated my right arm in three places, shoulder, elbow and wrist, all at the same time. I had to go to the hospital for treatment immediately. My mother called my father on the phone to come home and take me. He declined and stayed with his friends and gambled. So my mother took all three kids and went out the door, right into the hurricane that happened to be right on top of Hong Kong that day.

We had to walk all the way to the hospital since taxi's and busses were not running due to the hurricane. I was carried on my mother's back as my seven year old brother and six year old sister had to walk.

Year's later, in the United States, I would go to family association gatherings with my father. I was usually the only one to go with him. I never understood why that was. My brother and sister never went with us, just the two of us. I felt very special those times. My father would tell all his friends about my arm and I was constantly being asked to show how strong I was. I had forgotten that my arm was dislocated in three places, apparently, my father hadn't. He was telling them how good of a son I was, that I could have an arm broken (in Chinese, we didn't know the difference between "dislocated" and "broken", so it was all called "broken") in three places, but still be as good as new.

My father got a lot of praise for fathering such a strong and healthy son.

It was only years later that I found out the whole story. I just got tired of constantly showing off my arm and feeling like a show pony or a sideshow freak. I couldn't see anything wrong with my arm and didn't understand when they told me that it was broken, since it was obvious (to me) that it wasn't.

I stopped going to those gatherings.

My memory jumped to another time, when all I could remember was my father was really angry. He grabbed my brother Chester out of our room and into the kitchen. I had no idea what was happening. I was studying, when he came into the room, dragged me out and that's when I saw that my brother was chained up, on his knees. I was dragged through the kitchen and to the chopping block. I was getting totally freaked and thought I was going to be killed. My father grabbed my hand and put it on the block, asking me, yelling really, which hand did it. I had no idea what he was talking about and yelled that out in my answers to him.

That's when I found out that my brother was caught shoplifting. I told my father that I didn't steal anything and I was finally released. I noticed the open bottle of whiskey at that point and I recognized the smell of it on his breath. I ran back into my room and locked the door.

My memory jumped to another time. I was 13 years old now. I was just coming out of my bedroom to get something to drink, when my father started attacking me with a feather duster. This feather duster is the prefered weapon of choice when the kids were punished, and would leave stinging marks on the body for weeks after the lesson was administered. I had no idea what this time was for and I tried to protect myself, with no success. I was getting beat.

I kept screaming, asking what I was being punished for and didn't get a response. I finally noticed the bottle of Jack Daniels on the table. I didn't know it was alcohol at the time, but I did see that it was open and there was a glass next to it, half filled. I realized that my father was drunk.

I screamed for him to stop hitting me. He didn't. He wouldn't stop the beating.

At that point, I tried to grab the feather duster. I was finally able to grab it as it hit my open hand and I snatched it out of his hand. I was so angry, that I snapped the feather duster in two. My father was shocked, then got even angrier.

My memories went back to when he threatened to cut my hand off.

He reached for his slipper and I told him that if he ever hit me without reason again, I was going to totally kick his ass.

By then, I was already a full head taller than him and the only reason that I never did anything and let him beat me, was that he was my father. I had just broken the feather duster like it was nothing. I did not lay a hand on him yet, but I just threatened to. We were at a standstill.

He turned around and started towards my mom. I told him that he better not touch her. He turned around and glared at me, then left the room.

I had told all of this and more to Kevin, yet, he still insisted that I have to respect my father. Finally, I told him to just come home with me one day, while my father was there. I asked that he not say anything to my father and just observe. He didn't understand, but agreed.

It took several weeks, but it came one day, Kevin came over to my place and my father was home. Kevin didn't act any differently and asked for me. He went into my room and after grabbing my stuff, we left together. Once we were outside and the door had closed, Kevin just turned to me and said that he understood.

Now, I find myself on the edge of something, some decision. Stkyrice mentioned that he thought something with my dad was going to happen before I left for Seattle. I wish he had mentioned it to me, not that it would have made any difference.

I spoke with Scott about this and he made a very good observation. I was able to be compassionate for total strangers and not my own father, because these strangers didn't hurt me, whereas, my own father did. This makes sense, I'm not happy about it, but it does make sense.

I'm listening to Pandora right now, and it's playing (Money Can't) Buy Me Love by Blackstreet. Funny thing, whenever my father tried to placate me, he would bribe me, with money, clothes, etc... something material.

I'm not stupid, when I was young and didn't have a job, I took his peace offering and everything would be fine. I've always believed that everything was okay, as long as the person was sincere in their apology. I learned that my father wasn't. He just did his best to placate me, till the next time, when he would bribe me again.

I learned how to take the bribe, but not accept the apology. Like I said, I wasn't stupid. When his bribes were no longer having the desired effect, he stopped trying and never just asked what I wanted or said sorry.

I'm now listening to "This Woman's Work" by Maxwell and the line comes on, "I should by crying but I just can't let it go, I should be hoping, but I can't stop thinking..."

The cold, numbs my heart,
Protecting it from the world.
Waiting for the Spring.

AiYahh!

Dreamgirls

2006-12-06T22:32:00.001-08:00

Dreamgirls

Spiderman 3 Poster

2006-12-06T18:06:00.001-08:00

Spiderman 3 Poster

Reflections of Our Community

2006-12-05T22:48:00.001-08:00

Reflections of Our Community exhibit at LGBTQ Center in San Francisco

BO(RED)

2006-12-01T09:24:00.001-08:00

BO(RED)

Is it safe to come out now?

2006-11-29T09:48:00.000-08:00

The turkey is finished. The bell has rung and shopping season is now in session.

For people of all sorts, the hottest gift for others, but mostly for ourselves, are the new next generation video game systems... namely the Playstation 3, Nintendo Wii and Microsoft XBox 360.

Reports of rabid game fanatics lining up for hours on end to snag one of the very limited quantities of the PS3 filled the airwaves. Followup stories of those very same fanatics being beaten and robbed of their precious PS3 were not as widely known.

Gamers, while having mad skills in button mashing and pulling off combos in fighting games, stood no chance against the real world punches into their face and stomach.

What's a gamer to do? Should they bulk up? Should they spend some time at their local ninja or kung fu school? Hoping to absorb some little bit of knowledge so they can fight back?

Be serious, of course that's not going to happen. Gamers will go for their guns!

I'm a gamer. I admit it, but I'm not one of those waiting to pay $600 for a PS3. I guess that's why I'm a gaymer. The "Gay" comes first and I WILL wait in the freezing cold to pay $400 for fashionable clothes. I figure that once it calms down, prices will fall back down to something more reasonable and I won't have to fight off anyone trying to beat me up for my PS3.

Buyers of the Wii have an advantage of course. If you buy it here, you'll also get a free pistol and a bag of 1000 BBs!

Wow! Entertainment inside the home and physical protection, all for the low low price of $499.99!

It's a good thing this offer is only online (I think). I could just imagine scores of gamers running through town having shoot-outs, try to show off their quickdraw "skills".

Although... the holidays is known as a stressful time and stress has been known to cause "accidents". If all the really aggro folks start hurting themselves, maybe a brief stay in the hospital emergency room will make the streets a little bit safer for me and mine.

Is this the Armed forces way to get new recruits?

Winter wonderland
Joy and laughter, fills the air
Lone sob, goes unheard

AiYahh!

I'm still stuffed!

2006-11-28T14:42:00.000-08:00

So, Thanksgiving came and went, but I'm still stuffed like there's no tomorrow!

To be honest, I really did not eat as much as most people, I just satisfied my shopping needs this past Thanksgiving.

On Thanksgiving, I went to Cutlet House and had a very non-traditional Thanksgiving meal. You know, non-traditional Thanksgiving meals are happening more often than not. So I guess I was having "MY" traditional Thanksgiving meal. I had curry fish balls for an appetizer, walmon smothered with corn sauce and washed it all down with Hong Kong cold milk tea.

Yummy Yummy Yummy!

So after eating, the time was 10:00PM. It was time for me to get down to the Gilroy Outlet mall and do some serious shopping! The malls were trying to fight back this syear and started a "Midnight Madness" sale, to compete with the big box 5:00AM Black Friday sales.

Hey, it worked for me. I and a gazillion people made our ways to the stores and shopped till we couldn't stand anymore.

As our car approached the Gilroy exit on the freeway, we came to a standstill. There was a mile long back-up! The time was 11:30PM I wondered if there was any chance in hell I'm going to make it in the mall in time for the midnight opening.

We pulled into the mall and seeing so many cars already there, pulled into the nearest parking space, which also happens to be the mall building housing Banana Republic. One of the three stores I was hoping to hit tonight.

Coming up to the store, I noticed that there was a huge line in front of me. I thought "This couldn't be the line in, could it?". To be safe, I asked Stkyrice to line up and I'll go find out what the line is for. The line WAS for Banana Republic! There were hundreds of people, almost all Asian, waiting to spend money and get BR crap! The reason of course is this.

Thanks right, 40% off the entire store!!! That's 40% off all ready marked down outlet prices!!!

I think I just creamed myself thinking about it.

So yeah, as soon as I stepped into the store, which took 45 min by the way, I went into turbo shopping mode. I already knew my size and I scrutinized everything in front of me for first color then, if I liked the color, I'll pick it up for fabric, liking that, then look for my size. It's a pretty quick way to shop, no need to try on anything. If I find that it doesn't work once I get it home, it's become somebody's Christmas present.

Another 45 minutes passed since I entered the store. That's when I noticed the line to the cash register. Damn me it's long! Not surprising, but I didn't really think about it, but if there's a lot of people going in, a lot of them will be in line paying. I asked Stkyrice to line up while I did some last minute shopping around the store. I was able to pick up a few more scarves and loads of boxers with cute lil prints on it. I might have to take pictures, once I get my camera back from Seattle.

The register line took about an hour, but I was there! Now the pain starts. My bill came out to be over $450!!! I couldn't afford this AND go to the other stores. Then I realized, I don't have a Gap credit card! I asked if I could open one up. I could! So I opened one up then and there, and got 15% off on top of it! The new credit card paid for the whole thing so I could save my money for the other stores.

Speaking of which, since we spent so much time in BR, there was no time to waste, we had to get over to Best Buy and try to get some cheap computers and DVDs. We rushed to the car and over to Best Buy. It only took us about 5 minutes and as we entered the line, which was around the store now, I saw people that were just arriving that I saw from the BR line! I said hi to them and mentioned that I saw them from BR and we all chatted. Hey, it was only 2:30AM it was going to be a long time before we were let into the building at 5:00AM and it helps to have people to chat with.

The time passed and the night got colder and colder. Luckily there was an "It's A Grind" that was open and I got a hot caramel apple cider for myself and an espresso for Stkyrice to keep us warm. It became so cold that I couldn't even play my gameboy, because I had to wear gloves and couldn't play with them on. I started dancing around, trying to keep the blood moving.

We found out later on, that the people at the head of the line were there since 4:00PM! I'm like damn! People had sleeping bags, tents and everything in that line! I was jealous for maybe a hot second, but I would have never been able to sleep in that cold anyway and would have much prefered my warm snuggly own bed. I kept dancing.

4:00AM came and a guy from Best Buy came with tickets for a DS. Since there was such a limited amount of certain hot ticket items, Best Buy staff would walk down the line with tickets. These tickets entitled the holder to buy that particular item. I never saw any tickets for the cheap computers. I found out that the first forty people in line took them all! DAMN it all!!!

We entered the store. It was a complete madhouse. The aisles were too narrow, people with way too many items couldn't move. There were lines to everything. You couldn't get a salesperson to help you, because they were already helping a dozen people ahead of you.

I ended up just looking for things I wanted. Stkyrice didn't want anything, so he waited for one sales person to get me my bluetooth headset and I was off!

So I ended up getting some really cheap blank DVDs and DVD movies and music CDs. I'm still happy about it. Poor Stkyrice, was really fading. He waited in the checkout line and once I took his place, he went to the car to sleep.

We ended up going home at 7:30AM I'm normally not even awake at this ungodly hour, but after such a night, I couldn't sleep! I stayed up and finally fell asleep at 9:00PM

ZzzZzzzZZzZzzzzZzzzzz

Best value for less,
Discounts are great in all things,
But never in love

AiYahh!

(Almost) Time to gobble gobble

2006-11-22T18:24:00.000-08:00

Another year and it's time for another Thanksgiving.

Of course, this is a purely (United States of) America(n) holiday. This event usually takes place on the fourth Thursday of November, so the actual date moves around. This time around it's a lil bit earlier in the year.

So what's the big deal, what's it all about?

Well, supposedly, the original pilgrims arriving to this land (notice I didn't say country) having just arrived and not knowing how to care for their own needs, ran out of food. The natives of this land (the American Indian) shared some of their bounty with the poor pathetic saps and the poor saps returned their generosity by introducing new diseases and illnesses, taking their land and killing their people and decided to celebrate the event around this time every year. oh wait all that bad stuff didn't happen till much later.

so for now, let's keep it all nice and sweet, the Indians shared their food and the Pilgrims survived the harsh winter.

Let's all go kill a poor defenseless non-flying bird, the turkey. Some folks like ham instead. I just had dental surgery, so I'm probably not going to be eating much of anything, not that I'm going to be eating much this time anyway, since I'm vegetarian.

So in the spirit of this season, since I'm not going to gorge myself silly with food or drink, I'm going to be very capitalistic and just spend lot's of money. I'm planning on having a light semi-liquid meal and head off to the midnight madness sales that start at, you guessed it, midnight tomorrow.

I plan on shopping all night going from one store to another and will probably be finished around 9AM.

I hope my credit card can handle it!

Now, I give my thanks,
Thanks to those that come before,
and the ones after.

AiYahh!

Somewhere over the rainbow

2006-11-12T01:57:00.000-08:00

I'm here in Seattle on my last night up here. I'm sitting on the couch watching Stargate Atlantis SG-1 with my boyfriend besides me. I have about 1/4 glass of really good syrah that I opened earlier tonight to share with two new friends that came over here to have some really yummy thai curry that my boyfriend made for all of us.

I should mention, that this is the second bottle of wine. The first was a Chard that I had picked up at the local Whole Foods that was supposed to make it over to a friend's place for dinner one night, but never did, so of course, it stayed here and was opened tonight.

So, since the boyfriend made din din, I cleaned up. The two guests had left, two very nice guys, that I hope to spend more time with when I come back up here to Seattle.

I had a great time up here in Seattle. Of course, it got rainy. This was my fifth trip here and it's the ONLY trip where it got rainy. Just my luck, all my other trips up here, the weather has been great! This time around though, I got to experience the famous wet Seattle weather and I still got to do some things that I wanted to during my trip up here. I was able to really get a sense of what life was like up here. I got to walk around and walked to University of Washington, Seattle (UW) several times and around the campus. I walked around the U District Shopping center which isn't very far away from UW, but of course, I had no idea where it was until Scott took me there walking from UW. I ended up in Pike Market twice and on the second time, I was trying to go to the Asian Art Museum, but since I wasn't able to find the bus there, I decided to walk since it really wasn't very far (to me) and ended up just spending time walking around Capital Hill, Seattle's gay district.

I realized that I was in the gay area when I saw the rainbow flags. Funny thing, the rainbows were on street flags and nowhere else! It was kinda on the one hand, refreshing, but on the other hand, kinda sad, that the rainbow has become the symbol of what defines "Gay" on the one hand and on the other to have that symbol need to be legitimized by a public agency, but not by the population.

One of the things I was looking for on this trip was to see where I fit in, I don't think I fit in on Capital Hill.

When does a rainbow.
Isn't really, a rainbow.
But an illusion.

AiYahh!

October Photoshoot

2006-11-02T00:21:00.000-08:00

So I did a photoshoot in San Jose in mid October with Zedneram Photo Studio.

The photographer, Desi, found me through an online website that had a lot of people in the business. I was actually kinda blown away that he wanted to take my picture after seeing his work. But he insisted and this is what came out of the session.

All of the pictures are on Flickr. So since some of the pictures are of me nude, I'm only going to allow friend contacts on Flickr see those. All the other pictures can be seen.

I have no idea what I'm going to do with all these pictures, but I had a great time taking them, although some of the shots weren't the most comfortable. Desi was a great guy and really cared about me, so those shots were very quickly taken, so that I am not in those positions for too long. Unlike the time I live modeled for a drawing class. Now THAT was an uncomfortable session. I had to do some weird poses and keep them for long periods of time. Thank god for the breaks in between!

The following are some samples of what's in the set.

The whole set of pictures can be seen here.

Enjoy :)

Life is just snapshots
All moving along forward
Ready for close-up?

AiYahh!

My closet is feelin a bit small today

2006-10-31T14:12:00.000-08:00

This was my Halloween costume two years ago.

Now my sister just sent me a picture of her this year.

Now I know why it feels like my closet is too small, both of us are in it!!!
I wonder what happened to my dress???
It looks like a t-shirt now!

Costumes come and go
From one person, to the next
Share and share alike

AiYahh!

Trick or Treat!

2006-10-31T10:14:00.000-08:00

My friend Sherrie sent me this to wish me a

But for some reason, I like this one that my other friend, George, sent me more.

I wonder why that is?

Well, no matter how you celebrate Halloween tonight, stay safe and play happy.

Happy Trick or Treating!!!

Goblins and witches

Creep out in day and nightlight

They yell, "TRICK OR TREAT!"

AiYahh!

Shooting The Messenger

2006-10-30T23:18:00.000-08:00

Talk about shooting the messenger.

Isn't it funny how people hate to tell their friends bad news, because when they do, their friend blames them for the bad news!

This isn't quite the same thing, but the blogger who posted Former Rep. Mark Foley's emails to a page was fired for doing so!

Now , it seems that the blog had no connection to Human Rights Campaign and it was a personal blog owned by the blogger. The problem is, is that the blogger posted it using a HRC computer! So when a West Coast blogger threatened to "expose" this blogger if he didn't reveal his political party, the blogger in question went to his supervisors, who then fired him two days later!

I haven't looked at these explicit emails and probably never will, but I for one am glad that they got posted. I mean if they weren't, Foley would still be in office. That freaking lame ass excuse of "I was molested" or "I was drunk" is so much bullshit.

If you were molested, don't perpetuate the cycle of violence and molest other people. If you have a drinking problem, get on the freakin wagon and join AA or something.

Mark Foley is a pedophile , plain and simple. List him as a sexual predator. Make it so that he no longer has any contact with anyone under the age of 18 (the age of consent in the U.S.A.). Get some counseling so that he can get the help he so obviously so desperately needs. Change the page system, so that they can be protected and not abused.

But shooting the messenger, talk about sending out the wrong message. I mean, whose side is the HRC on anyway? Maybe it's time to start thinking about what those little "=" signs mean.

In this day and age

What's black and white, isn't so

Just a lot of gray.

AiYahh!

2006-10-27T01:12:00.000-07:00

Color me Busy

This week isn't even over and I'm already tired just thinking of what's going to happen this weekend.

To start off with, after work later on I'm going to go listen to my friend Blue sing at Tina's Cafe, a weekly support group at Magnet , for folks dealing with speed or have friends that are. I've been wanting to check it out for the longest time and this will be my chance to support a friend as well as satisfy my curiosity.

Then a great big plus for me, my boyfriend Scott is visiting for the weekend!!! He's going to be crazy busy, so the only time we'll see each other is on Saturday night. Speaking of Saturday, my two friends Nelson and Mike are adopting an 18month old son and they're having a home-coming party to welcome the lil bundle of joy at their place during the day. I knitted a baby blue colored baby blanket and found a really cute light up blue teddy bear and will be giving it to BaAn at the party. The blanket was surprisingly easy to knit and I finished it in one week's time. I wanted to keep it simple and didn't put any lace or anything that might come off easily if yanked or tugged on. This blanket is TOUGH! I'm going to be taking my nephew Justin along with me, so BaAn will have new friends to play with. It's going to be fun, as long as nothing goes horribly wrong.

Right after the party, I have to head off to a poly group meeting, being held at Eros sex club. Eros is great by providing meeting space for all these groups to meet. I swear, I come to this club way more now when I don't play around than I EVER did when I was out looking for it! So it's always an interesting scene, since I'm always fully clothed and there are people running around naked or in towels. Of course, the conversations are always great! I give good talk LOL

After the meeting, it's off to hang out with my friends who are visiting from L.A. I hope to hang out at the new mall downtown and hit that great food court.

Which brings us back to the nighttime, when I can finally spend time with Scott. It's a good thing that he's going to be just as busy doing his own thing, because it would've been a problem otherwise.

Sunday will be slower. I'm going to be trying out a brand new campaign and this is going to be our first gaming session. It'll be kinda weird playing a RPG without Scott there, but I'll make it through.

Speaking of RPG, my current fav is the new Pokemon Mysterious Dungeon . Yes folks, I'm officially addicted to that dang game! I have it with me all the time and if I'm not eating or knitting, I'm on the game saving some poor lil pokemon.

That's my game plan for this weekend. Now let's see if everything goes accordingly :)

This is what I'm listening to as I wrote this post.

Check, check, check the mic
Plans are made to go awry
There's no rewind here

AiYahh!

2006-10-26T04:03:00.000-07:00

Time to exercise my right to be completely confused and frustrated.

Yes folks, it's time to think about open enrollment and the election process!

The system must be against us because in the month of November, you have to make all your health and insurance decisions for the coming year as well as vote!

Either of these two events can cause a sane person to run away screaming. Which explains why most people just go with what they already know. In the matter of health insurance (if you're lucky enough to even have it) most folks don't even bother to look at the package and continue with the plan that they already have. Even if it no longer fits their needs! Well, I don't really have a choice this year. I have several changes happening next year and I have to make my decisions now to account for those changes. The first change being that my rates are going up. Apparently, my monthly dues are going up 60%. That lil shocker isn't going to kill me, but it's going to mean at least one more of my bagel (plain and toasted) lunches, at the cost of $1.80. This is how I save some money and fill up my tummy. Hey, welcome to the life of the a poor and unknown. Okay, maybe I'm not THAT poor, but you know what I mean.

Second major change happening next year, I'm moving up to Seattle! That lil fact means that I'm going to be leaving my job and since my job is currently providing health insurance to my husband (or domestic partner, thanks to our marriage in 2004 being nullified), the husband will have to get his own health and life insurance. Open enrollment is the time to make all these changes folks.

I've been trying to get as much information about the plans and fees so I can make an informed choice, but of course, that's not possible. That information is only going to be available on November 1, 2006. Then you have about three weeks to read it all up and make your decisions.

So while I'm trying to make decisions on my health care and how much to pay for it, along comes the Election. This one is going to be a big one too. Ahnold is up for re-election and it looks to be pretty ugly. Already the ads to choose the Democratic candidate showed how ugly this fight can get. With Angelides and Westly slinging so much mud in the air and on paper that the voters can't tell the difference between the two! The Republicans already have Ahnold and of course want him to stay in power, but does anybody else?

Me? I'm all for the luck of the dice. I see that there are six candidates on the ballot, and five more write-in candidates, for a total of 11 candidates. So what's a sensible thinking responsible voter supposed to do? I'm going to trust the fates. This of course is all due to the fact that I play Dungeons and Dragons (as well as other Role Playing Games *RPG*) and have so much experience rolling dice, that I'm comfortable with letting the toss of the dice decide my destiny.

This isn't as crazy as it may seem. The first thing I do is read up on all the candidates. i decided in a previous years that I can't stand the two major parties, so decided back then to be a part of neither and registered as an Independent. It was liberating actually and I have no problem with voting for whoever I like. Sometimes it's Democratic, sometimes it's Republican, sometimes it's Green, etc. So this year, with all the ickiness in the polls, it really comes down to if I like what the individual candidates are saying (or not saying in some cases). i look up as much information as I can find in the public domain and the candidates that say things I like hearing, get a number on my dice. Once I have all the faces of my die (singular for dice), I throw it. (I have a program that will create any number of side dice)

No, I'm not going to tell you what I'm voting, that's for me to know and you to guess at. But i will say that it's something that I never thought I would be voting for.

I really like this way of voting. Once all the information is gathered and the decision is still not clear, let the fates decide!

At least this way, I can say that I voted, unlike a lot of "Citizens". It's really a cop-out for me actually, because no matter who wins, I'll only have to live with that decision at the most, a few months, then I'm outta here, since I'm moving to Seattle.

Decision Oh Six
The toss of da die decides
Match made in heaven?

AiYahh!

2006-10-25T16:46:00.000-07:00

Ok folks,

It's been a while since the last time I posted here on my blog. My life was going through some changes and as a result, I got depressed.

You would think that since I was depressed, I would actually get off my fat ass and write about it right? Oh well, that's just not me. I regressed (a huge issue in my life currently) and went back to watching shit loads of tv. The difference now though, is that I have the help of tivo and the web episodes and so really can watch all my shows and turn into a real couch potato.

One thing that I didn't stop doing, was take pictures. So while I've been quiet, I've been saying a lot in where I've been and what I've been doing.

Some things that stuck out in my recent past in pictures, are my trip up to Seattle during Labor day; Dore Alley's "">"Up Your Alley" Street Fair; Dore's sibling, the Folsom Street Fair ; The Castro Street Fair ; My brother visiting with his wife ; My mom's birthday and of course, all the yummy food I've eaten.

During this time, I also did two photo shoots. The first one was for the Stop AIDS Project's updated SM Safety Guide and the second one was all of me doing what models do (besides throwing up their food) and just took pictures of me in clothes, out of clothes and everything inbetween. The Stop AIDS Project's shoot is up and available for viewing, the other isn't and once i've finished working with the pics, I'll upload them.

So I'm back and plan to start posting more regularly.

Time passes you by
One way, never turning back
A baby cries out

AiYahh!

It's almost time to walk

2006-07-13T11:38:00.000-07:00

at AIDS Walk 2006!

So, it's almost about to happen. AIDS Walk 2006 is taking place this Sunday. This is going to be the first time I'm taking part in a looooooooong time.

I'm doing it in order to raise much needed funds for an innovative approach to HIV prevention, the SFGMCI (San Francisco Gay Men's Community Initiative).

The following is a blurb from one of the volunteer organizers:

Over the years, many of us have sent donations to organizations such as the San Francisco AIDS Foundation to help offset the financial shortfall that reduced government funding has caused. Have you ever done that? The SFGMCI has never been funded by the government (and probably never will be), and yet has experienced its own "budget cut". In 2005 the SFGMCI was fortunate to receive a grant that allowed the SFGMCI to get its work underway, only to find that in 2006 the grant would not be renewed and it received $00.00. Talk about getting a running head start and then running into a wall! Unlike the SFAF, zero SFGMCI dollars goes to paying salaries. Every penny of the original grant, and any funds that have ever been raised, went to the activities and events of the SFGMCI. Because the SFGMCI is not government funded, and because its grant was not renewed, the SFGMCI has to take advantage of every fund raising opportunity that comes our way – selling Passport tickets, working at Pride, the AIDS Walk, etc.

Our community wanted something different – something that would look at life through their eyes. That's what the SFGMCI tries to do. We'd like to keep doing that, and to do it better, but we need monetary support just like those big organizations do to keep going. Somebody in Boston wants to start doing "Hi!" cards in his community. Someone in Portland is starting a Wilde Chats and there's already one in Toronto. Someone in Fort Lauderdale wants to start their version of SFGMCI. We're small. But what we do seems to echo from coast to coast! Why? Maybe it's because what we're doing is different and important. It's great to hear that other communities want to copy us, but what's important to us right now is our own survival. Without funds, we won't be here for anybody to copy! There are not many fund raising opportunities that come our way. The AIDS Walk is only two and a half weeks away. We need support from our own San Francisco guys. Toronto, Portland, and Fort Lauderdale will find their own way, with our guidance. But SFGMCI needs help now. Please go to the AIDS Walk web site and make a donation of any amount to the SFGMCI. Or become an SFGMCI sponsor and have people donate to you as an SFGMCI team member. If you would like to make an AIDS Walk donation to the SFGMCI, go to www.aidswalk.net.On the home page you'll see four pictures. The bottom right one says "Teams" (or just go here).

Click on the Team picture. Now you're on a new page that has a column of small paragraphs. Scroll down to the paragraph that says "2006 Registered Teams" and click that heading. That will bring up a new window with a list of all AIDS Walk teams. Scroll way down and look for "San Francisco Gay Men's Community Initiative under all of the "San Francisco" headings and click. You will now see the SFGMCI page and on the right is a box with a list of registered walkers. The first thing on the list says General Team Donation. Click on that, or on a team member, and follow the instructions to donate. That's it! If you want to register as a sponsor, go back to the home page and click "Register Today", then click "Join a Team", and then click "Join an Existing Team". Look for "San Francisco Gay Men's Community initiative 9539" and sign up.

One reason people do not donate to organizations is that they do not trust where their money goes. Come to our events and you'll see your money at work. Another reason is that it takes time to go through the process. Life is too short. Take time to read something that might make you laugh, to hear music that might bring tears to your eyes, and to help out a worthy cause. Thank you for your support.
Joe

end blurb.

So that's how I'm going to be spending this Sunday morning.

What will you be doing?

A thousand miles,
Begins with a single step.
In memory of...

AiYahh!

Avast matey

2006-06-28T12:33:00.000-07:00

Guess what movie I'm about to see? :-)

Please pray and think good thoughts for Joz

2006-06-27T10:29:00.000-07:00

I met my husband back in the April of 1997. During that same weekend, I had the immense pleasure of meeting face to face, blogger JozJozJoz! We went out and grabbed a meal together and it was amazing how well we all clicked together. I didn't know it, but she became one of my favorite friends and we try to keep in touch across the miles that lie between us as we live our daily lives.

I just found out, that Joz is having a really difficult time right now. Her dad suffered a stroke and is in serious condition. The doctors have already told the family that this was a type of stroke that was too deep and they cannot operate. That they will have to wish for a miracle.

Joz has asked that if you pray, please include Joz's dad in your prayers. Pray for that miracle. If you don't pray, just think good thoughts and send them to the sky.

Wishes and good thoughts
Combine with human spirit
Miracles happen.

AiYahh

Sitting, waiting wishing hoping

2006-06-26T22:29:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting, waiting, wishing, hoping, (sorry, I love Jack Johnson). Sitting at the theater. Waiting for a movie. Wishing it's a good movie. Hoping not to be disappointed. I'm watching Superman Returns baby!

May Day, May Day!

2006-05-01T09:37:00.000-07:00

Welcome to May Day folks.

While you're going through your day, other folks are marching through the streets in protest of the U.S. Immigration policies. Which is kinda funny, considering that the lawmakers are actually trying to do something right this time around.

I've always thought May Day and the subsequent no shows at work and boycot of businesses, really silly.

I can understand the not showing up for work, that actually makes sense to me. Not that I would do it, because I need to pay my bills and can't afford an unpaid day off from work.

But let's take a look at the boycot a little closer shall we?

So what's happening here? People don't buy anything for one day. It shows that Immigrants and supporters, have real economic clout doesn't it?

Well, yes, in a manner of speaking.

What's really happening.

My boyfriend is having his weekly movie night at his house tonight and bought a pizza from Zacharies yesterday, to be heated up and served tonight.

I know for a fact that most people will do just that, stock up the day before, so they don't have to buy anything today.

That's just shifting one day's profits to the previous day. Not exactly effective.

After my boyfriend tried to get me to take the day off from work, he then mentioned that he was going to have his hair cut on Monday. I just gave him a look and said "You're going to BUY a service on Monday?"

I had to repeat it several times, till he got the message. He later canceled the appointment and said that yes, I was right and he was a hypocrite.

So here I am at work... yes I'm writing this while I'm at work. This is my form of protest (however small). I do not plan on buying anything today. I also did not stock up yesterday. I am going to spend my lunch hour knitting and drinking soy milk (that i keep stocked up regularly). Tonight's meal will be provided by the previously mentioned pizza.

I realized today, that I am running low on creme to prevent athlete's foot. Since I am not going to buy anything, I am going to have to make what little creme I have left, last until tomorrow.

I have to say though, that my tootsies are looking mighty cute (according to the hubby) *grin*

What is one Day worth?
Not much in the grand ole plan,
But priceless to us.

AiYahh!

Putting words in my mouth

2006-04-28T12:08:00.000-07:00

My friend Ronn has a blog and is telling me that this is Put a poem in your blog weekend.

So who am I to fight it right?

Since I have been writing haiku's to each posting here, I'm going to give everyone a break from me and post something from one of my favorite poets, Barbara Jane Reyes.

From Barbara's website

For Paolo Javier

It is much higher at high noon, and I have to stand on my tiptoes to touch it with the tips of my straining fingers. In Chinatown, firecrackers jumping in sunlight like glinting pistols tell me it is time for old ghosts to rest. The boy version of me once said he would ride a carabao cross country because only I know where to place the “h” in him. I am still waiting for his poem to tell me he is on his way, closer to the Pacific’s salty embracing roar. I will allow myself a moment of susceptivity and remember a time when I collected pretty rocks and felt them clicking against one another in my pockets as I skipped barefoot into the ocean’s froth like soda fountain root beer floats. Today I sit with knees together, swinging my legs to and fro. Today I’ll hum a little song, and maybe I’ll be out of tune.

AiYahh!

A walkin' we will go...

2006-04-26T11:38:00.000-07:00

A walkin' we will go,

Hi HO!

A Mary YO!

A walkin' we will go.

What am I talking about now? Have I finally lost all my marbles?

Well, I haven't lost all my marbles. I think a few are still rolling around in my head.

I just registered to take part in the San Francisco AIDS Walk on July 16, 2006.

Ok, for those people who know me, they know that I would NEVER do AIDS Walk (willingly) and that I must have gone bonkers.

Well, while it's true, that I never do anything with AIDS WALK anymore, I do still support individual walkers and organizations individually. Instead of supporting a huge AIDS machine, I send in my checks to the organizations (that would benefit from AIDS WALK proceeds) directly. This way, I bypass the middleman and the organization gets more money.

I used to volunteer with the organization that produces AIDS WALK and because of some things I didn't like, I decided that I didn't want to support them anymore. That's why I changed how I get involved.

So you may say, "This is really boring, what are we talking about again?"

Weeeeeeeell, I decided to walk this year.

*insert sound of bomb dropping here*

There's actually a good reason this year. I am walking to support the San Francisco Gay Men's Community Initiative (SFGMCI). Every dollar that is donated will go directly to the SFGMCI. That's 100% folks! How often can you actually say that the whole donation will go to the charity and nothing to administrative, publicity, etc. costs? Almost never, that's how often.

So the big question is, why am I supporting SFGMCI?

Well, I guess it boils down to me wanting to help keep folks alive and healthy.

AIDS and HIV has been around for how long now? Over 20 years. People seem to have gotten "used" to the idea that it's here. The new generation of sexually active people (aka kids) grew up knowing about the disease, but have they really felt the emotional impact of it?

I still remember walking around S.F. and seeing all the folks with purple splotches on their arms and face.

I still remember asking where so and so was, only to find out that they are no longer with us.

I still have a hard time passing by certain houses, because Bobby, or Duy, or Dougie, or *insert name here* used to live there.

SFGMCI is taking a different approach towards HIV.

The group is trying to get people in the community to care about each other and by default, themselves. The idea is that, if people cared enough, they will think twice before putting themselves in danger of getting anything.

HIV is only a small part of staying healthy, but it's become a huge thing in our lives. Beyond HIV are all the other things that can make you sick. Like other STD's, substance abuse, mental health, excercise, friendships, etc.

That's why I am supporting SFGMCI.

So if you're in the area, please join me by walking with us on July 16, 2006, donate some money if you can, or just send us some friendly emails :)

My name is Howard Kwong and I am walking with the San Francisco Gay Men's Community Initiative - 9539.

Please help me spread the word among all your contacts.

Time marches onward,
Each step, someone's milestone.
Can you smell the rose?

AiYahh!

And now, for your entertainment...

2006-04-18T10:16:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine sent out this survey. I normally don't fill out surveys (unless I'm really really bored), but decided to do this one, because it's very focused on sex and I thought it would make a great topic for a blog posting :)

So here are my answers to The Fabulously Gay Survey.

1. How Old Were You When You Knew You Weren't Straight?
I was 16 years old when I first realized that I was different and not straight. I've always just been "me". It wasn't until I was 16 and taking a class to be a peer counselor that the topic of sexuality came up and at that point, I began to question mine. That maybe I wasn't straight. Not that I was gay, but that maybe I wasn't straight.

2. Have You Ever Had Sex With The Opposite Sex?
I guess it all depends on your definition of "sex". Not to pull a Bill Clinton on everyone, so here's my definition of sex is "any physical contact involving genitals or breasts for the purpose of sexually excitement". So in my case, yes, I have had sex with the opposite sex. I was at a sex party to celebrate the equinox or solstice and it was pretty boring. There were a lot of people and no one that I knew. There were men and women, of all colors and shapes. It was very new agey. I had explored all over and finally after several attempts with guys I thought were hot, ended up on the mattress. I was soon joined by other people on the mattress. Our group kept growing and growing, till there were about seven of us, all Asian. We ended up just chatting and finding that we were all having problems "hooking up". How interesting huh? One thing led to another. Our conversations led to touches, which led to kissing and more. Yes, we were a steaming mass of legs, arms and mouths and we were freaking HOT!

So, to answer the question, I ended up kissing both of the Asian lesbians in this puppy pile (a lesbian term I picked up recently) on the lips and made love to their breasts and nipples. Although I spent most of my time there comparing them to a guy's flatter and more dense version :)

3. Who Is The First Person You Came Out To?
That distinction would have to be my best friend at the time, Kevin. I would later serve as his groom's man at his wedding. I first came out as bisexual and then later as gay.

4. Are You Out To Your Parents?
Yes, I am. It took a bit of work to do so though. My family never talked about anything that had to do with sex (not unusual it seems in most families) and when I moved back home, I realized that I didn't want to go back into the closet. That I enjoyed the freedom to be "me", all of "me". So I tried to bring up the subject several times without any success. I finally decided to bring in outsiders, knowing that my parents will not be able to withstand the gossip. I participated in Gay Pride and marched. My parents and I had a very spirited conversation two days later when I finally came back home.

5. Do You Want Children?
Yes, I do. I am not sure if they have to be mine biologically or not. I waver on this issue, but I do know that I want to have kids.

6. Do You Have More Gay Friends or Straight Friends?
I have more gay friends compared to straight friends. This is due to the places I frequent. I grew up in San Francisco, so I bump into my straight friends all the time around town. It's become a joke among my friends, that no matter where I go, I will bump into someone I know. It's not true, but more often than not, I have bumped into friends no matter where I have been.

7. Were You Out in School?
In high school, no. I came out during college. Once I came out to myself, I came out at school shortly after. I joined the GALA (Gay and Lesbian Association) at school. I was also very active in HIV prevention and was very out in my class presentations.

8. Is Your Best Friend The Same Sex As You
Yes, they are :)

9. If Your Best Friend Is The Same Sex, have you ever had sex with them?
I have had sex with some of my best friends, but not all of them.

10. Have you ever done crystal meth?
Yes, I have. It's not my proudest moment, but I have used meth in the past and for a time, was using quite a bit of it. It was mostly weekend stuff, but some weekends, I was high the whole time. It's enough to say that I was addicted to the stuff. I have been clean for two years now and although I still get the "urge" to use again, I clamp down on it really hard and don't give in.

11. Have You Ever Been In A Sling?
Yes, I have, but only to sit in one. I have never done anything while I was in the sling, which is the real question.

12. Have You Ever Done A 3-way?
Yes, in fact, many times. I actually prefered group sex, starting with as few as three people to more over one-on-one for a while in my life. It would give me immense pleasure to start an orgy in a public space (usually a sex club).

13. Have You Ever Dressed In Drag?
Yes, I have. I have also preformed on stage in drag and entered a drag contest (didn't win) and was photographed with B.D. Wong (actor) while I was in drag.

13a. Would you date a Drag queen?
Yes, my second boyfriend was a drag queen and was really helpful by giving me tips and assistance when I was first doing drag.

14. Are You A Top/Bottom or truly Versatile?
I'm truly versatile. I enjoy being a top and bottom equally and can't restrict myself to just doing one activity. How boring is THAT!

15. Have You Seen An Uncircumsized Penis?
Uh, duh, everytime I'm standing naked in front of a mirror.

16. Have You Had Sex With Someone of A Different Race?
Of course. There are way too many to list.

17. Have You Ever Barebacked?
Yes, I have. For several reasons, like it was the first time I ever had sex, and I was really stupid.

18. How Many Cher CDs do you own?
I'm kinda shocked to say that I don't have any of her albums. I do have a CD single though. Does that count?

19. Name Of Your First True Love?
My second boyfriend, Rafael. He was the first person I fell in love with. He is also the first person to break my heart.

20. Do You Still Talk To them?
Yes. Well, make that sometimes. He called me up out of the blue and asked me to dinner. He wanted to get back together with me and I turned him down. Part of me wanted to still be with him, but my heart couldn't take being broken again.

21. Does Size Matter?
Of course it does. The size of the heart is critical in a relationship. If you're talking about dick size, you better believe it! Hahahahaha, ok, not really. Dick size doesn't really matter, as long as there's enough to work with and the guy knows how to use it to full effect. Remember that old saying? "It's not the size of the boat, it's the motion of the ocean" Yeah baby :)

22. Biggest Turn On?
Warm eyes and a great smile. You can't fake either and the two together is damn sexy!

23. Biggest Turn Off?
A bad attitude. Second biggest turn off is flakeyness.

24. Ever Been Harrassed Because You Are Gay?
Yeah, but it wasn't a big thing. I've had people say shit like "Fucking Fags" to me. The lamest ones are those that scream it out as they ride by in their cars. The ones saying it to me in my face are braver.

25. Worst Gay Sterotype That Applies To You?
I have soooooo many. I love fashion. I did floral arrangment. I bake. I love to redecorate. I can dance. The worst though is that I have a fag hag. Cuz, you can't be a fag, unless you have a fag hag. It's like one creates the other.

26. Ever Been To A Pride Rally?
Oh yeah! I try to go to everyone. I also marched many times in the parade when I can. One year I marched twice. The first time around i was holding the parade banner at the very front. After reaching the end of the parade route, I ran back and marched again with the Asian contingent.

27. Would You Marry If You Could?
If I could, I would. I find that I'm very conventional on this issue.

28. Would you rather be rich and smart or young and beautiful?
I would rather be rich and smart, because the youth get old and the beautiful grow ugly. If I was rich and smart, I can create the fountain of youth and have plastic surgery.

29. Do You Sculpt Your Eyebrows?
Only when I do real girl drag, otherwise, no. It's all natural baby.

30. Do You Trim Your Body?
I take it that this question is asking about body hair. I don't have any body hair to speak of. Part of being a stereotypical Asian and having an almost hairless body.

31. Ever had sex with more than one person in a day?
Hahahahaha, yeah. At one point I had to get a 24hr planner to schedule my day. I've also had sex with more than one person at a time, either in an orgy situation or one after another at a sex party (I was being very piggy) *oink*

32. Ever been to an orgy?
Oh yeah, many times. I love them orgies and when possible, would start one.

33. Have you dated your best friends ex?
I had sex with my best friend's ex, does that count? Otherwise no. One of the best things about my best friends, is that we all have different tastes in men. Although there are some guys that we have all had.

34. Would you vote for Hillary Clinton if she ran for president?
That would depend on what her position is on topics that matter to me at the time. She doesn't get an automatic vote from me here.

35. Do you want monogamy in your relationships?
Yes, I do now.

36. Do you believe in true love?
BIG YES.

37. Do you have any tattoos?
Yes, one on my back.

38. Do you have any piercings?
Yes, I've had my nipples and ear lobes pierced. The right ear lobe one closed up when I had to take them off for an x-ray and they've never opened up. The right nipple never really healed, so I had that one taken out.

39. Would you date a smoker?
I have in the past... my second boyfriend. The only reason I stayed with him, was that I was in love with him. Otherwise, no, i would not date a smoker. I'm very sensitive to smells and I can't stand the smell of cigars or cigs.

40. Do you know anyone who has died from H.I.V.?
Yes, too many. Their memories are what sustains me sometimes when things look darkest for me. They also provide me with inspiration to be who I am meant to be in life.

41. Do you know what Stonewall was?
Yes, I was also in NYC to celebrate the Stonewall 25th anniversary. It was the biggest freaking rainbow flag I've ever seen.

42. Wonder Woman, Xena or The Halliwell Sisters?
I'm old school, Wonder Woman. She's lasted the longest and I used to pretend I was her and spin around and around. Yes, I did sometimes hurt myself after getting really dizzy :)

44. Strangest place you have had sex?
This is a hard one. I'll list a few, because I really can't say which is the strangest.

Moving auto over the Golden Gate Bridge (San Francisco)
In public during the day in front of strangers (San Francisco)
Outdoor hot tub in a condo complex (San Francisco)
Kitchen counter for a sex video shoot (Orange County)
Night club bathroom stall (Hong Kong)
Restaurant bathroom (San Francisco)
Picnic bench in Golden Gate Park during the day (San Francisco)
Night club couch (San Francisco)
Flower shop (Hong Kong)
In my bed, (Various locations LOL)

45. Strangest place you've woken up?
Hong Kong. I went home with a guy that picked me up at the club. I woke up to the sounds of people talking...many people talking. I didn't recognize the place or the voices. When I heard a females voice, I decided to leave. After I got dressed and left the room, I saw three people, two guys (the one I came back with another) and a girl. They tried to get me to stay, but it was just too weird and I left. I got the feeling that they wanted to do a group thing, but when you add in a girl, it got too weird for me. I wasn't comfortable enough with my sexuality to do anything with girls back then.

46. Are your best years behind or in front of you?
They're still in front of me :)

47. Favorite porn movie?
I don't really watch porn, so can't say I have a favorite.

48. Are you in love now?
Yes, very much so.

49. Ever been in love with a straight guy/girl?
Nope. All the guys I've fallen in love with have been gay and I've never fallen in love with a girl.

50. Did you ever have sex with them?
I have had sex with straight guys before. They later turn out to be gay. I don't know if they were already gay to begin with or if I had something to do with it. I would like to think that I was so good that I turned them gay, but who knows :)

51. Have you ever been to a nude beach?
Oh yeah, San Francisco has several.

52. Have you ever been to a bath house?
Yup. A few here in the San Francisco Bay Area and down in Los Angeles. I've also been to saunas in Hong Kong and in Bankok.

53. Ever had sex in public?
Oh yeah. Although, not as much as I'd like ;)

Not at bad survey and it actually let me relive some of my memories and post something to my blog. A win-win situation for me :)

What's a memory?
Fleeting moments of our lives.
Relived forever.

AiYahh!

Two Ladies Talking In Heaven

2006-04-17T11:37:00.000-07:00

My friend Blue Buddah sent me this joke and I nearly died laughing

So of course, I had to share it with you here.

Two ladies talking in heaven

1st woman: Hi! My name is Wanda.

2nd woman: Hi! I'm Sylvia. How'd you die?

1st woman: I Froze to Death.

2nd woman: How Horrible!

1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to ! get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?

2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.

1st woman: So, what happened?

2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere,and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.

1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer---we'd both still be alive.!

Laughter frees the soul,
Letting it soar to new heights,
Bringing new insights.

AiYahh!

What a scam...

2006-03-22T10:26:00.000-08:00

If you ever wonder why I will NEVER use a relationship site, such as True, read on.

I just got an email in my work email address today. I usually look in the spam folder at least once a day, because I have it turned up pretty high and one or two legitimate emails get caught.

Let's see what we have here today. Ah hah! An email from a friend of mine. Ok, he's not really a friend, more of an acquaintence. We met when he was working in the Surgery Department. I was friends with the manager and since their office was right next to my mailroom, I would see them often. I would also pop in pretty frequently when I was creating accounts for the new batch of Residents.

His daughter had hurt her ankle and was seen here. They had still not received the x-rays and was wondering if I could be of help. Of course I had to do something and contacted the manager of our Film Library. She's going to take care of it.

Case closed.

That's when I noticed an email from True.

I normally just ignore stuff like this, but for some reason I decided to look in the preview panel. I didn't actually open it, just looked in the preview panel.

Here's the ad:

1000’s OF SINGLE ASIAN MEN TO MEET!

To unsubscribe from Serene Idea list, you may do so by clicking on our unsubscribe link
Serene Idea wishes to ensure that any user who does not wish to receive our emails is removed from our lists as quickly as possible..
To unsubscribe from Serene Idea list, you may do so by clicking on our unsubscribe link

This email is an advertisement from Serene Idea.

This message may be part of an ongoing mailing campaign.

Your continued receipt of email from us shall constitute your agreement with the terms of our privacy policy.

If you disagree with these terms please remove yourself from our mailing list by clicking on our unsubscribe link
If you would like to remove yourself from all of our mailing lists please contact us immediately. Our Customer Service contact address is:

Quality Care
26 Fenn Rd
Department 361
Newington, CT 06111
This message is delivered to howard.XXX@XXX.XXX.XXXat 12:32 PM on 2006-03-22
Thank you howard.XXX@XXX.XXX.XXX

What's really scary is that yes, I am gay, very proud of that lil fact to be honest, but I have NEVER used my work email for anything non-work related. So the question is "How the heck did this get sent to me here?"

The standard unsubscribe message is there, but I've never noticed this:

Your continued receipt of email from us shall constitute your agreement with the terms of our privacy policy.

So even though I never subscribe to this, if I don't tell them to take me off the list, I agree to them sending me email!

Since I never use the unsubscribe option as a rule, that's a sure way for spammers to keep sending you spam, I guess I'm stuck.

Now I just wish they would send me ads with more attractive Asian men. I mean, since they already know that I'm gay and that I'm into other Asian guys, they must know what TYPE of guy I'm into! The picture that's attached to this ad they sent just blows chunks!

So come on spammers, start sending me those shots of Takeshi Kaneshiro, or Dean Cain!

Spam, cooked up fresh, hot.
Like a Musubi, just right.
But what's with the smell?

AiYahh!

My completed yoga mat

2006-03-19T01:18:00.000-08:00

My completed yoga mat, originally uploaded by AiYahh.

How's this for a kick in the butt. I just completed the yoga mat that I started back on Feb. 10, (as my entry into the Knitting Olympics) today.

"God, he knits slow!"

I actually have an excuse...I was doing really well and would have finished in time, but guess what? I ran out of yarn.

Seems really silly, but that's exactly what happened. If you notice, the mat is made up of mostly gray and blue bands with a white multi-colored band. The white band was when I ran out. I noticed that I was running out once I started the project and went to the yarn store immediately. The specific yarn I was using was very limited in quantity, so I bought up their entire stock and had to special order the rest.

The kicker, the ordered yarn won't arrive for another three weeks!

*sigh*

So I knitted all the yarn that I had on hand and had to wait for the extra yarn to arrive.

So the yarn did arrive, eventually and I went to work like a mad knitter. I could be seen everywhere knitting (mostly at Cafe Flore). I would just order something and then sit down and knit for hours. I would go to discussion groups and knit. It was getting kinda funny. People were asking if I could knit them cock warmers. I was like "cock warmers? Isn't there already cock warmers around? They're called assholes."

Yes, I hang out in a mostly gay crowd.

So after finishing up the mat today, I called up my friend. Only to find his cell phone disconnected.

(insert dread music here)

Being the kinda person I am, I started jumping to conclusions and thought my friend was dead.

I had to slap myself and start thinking happy thoughts.

(sings "On the good ship lollypop")

No, that didn't work, it just made me depressed.

Ok, ok, I'll just have to hope and believe that he's not dead.

I looked in my phone book and saw that I had the number for a friend of his that he stayed with while he was here. I called him up.

I found out that he was ok, and had just left town yesterday.

I felt really upset at that moment.

I mean, WTF! Why didn't he at least freaking gimme a call to say goodbye!

So I thanked the guy and hung up.

I still have his email, so I sent him a pic of the finished yoga mat and the message that if he can give me his contact info once he's settled in, I can send the mat to him.

I would have really liked to give him the mat in person, but since that's not going to happen, (FedEx) is the next best thing.

So my next project is a verticle striped scarf, because I've always wanted a scarf with verticle stripes :)

It's not good to dwell on the negative. This does mean, that if I ever make anything for anyone ever again, they better not leave town, untill I have a chance to give it to them. Unless they give me a great big hug that is :)

I can never stay angry at anyone for long.

*sigh*

Knit one, purl twenty,
Each stich made with love and heart,
To cover you with.

AiYahh!

Win-In-Mac?

2006-03-17T12:43:00.000-08:00

Also known as Windows on an Intel Mac.

As reported by Peter Cohen, hackers have been able to get Windows XP to work on the new Macs with Intel processors.

Crazy Macin love
Both sides of the fence, shake hands.
But what of Ole Bill?

AiYahh!

Cowboys and Ice Cream

2006-03-16T15:51:00.000-08:00

Me at the Academy of Friends Gala, Taken by Fred DeBose, originally uploaded by AiYahh.

Ok, the story can finally be told.

It has taken me this long to get over the fact that Brokeback Mountain didn't win for Best Picture.

On the day of the Academy Awards, I decided to do something useful with myself and volunteered at the Academy of Friend's Oscar watching gala.

It was held in San Francisco's Concourse Exhibition hall and tickets went for $200 a pop. *OUCH*

So what would you get for $200, besides in the door. Well, as you can see from my picture, you'll at least get gelato. Along with that, there was some really amazing hot food and other goodies from all over the SF Bay Area. There was also a truly exceptional silen auction. I'm sad to say, I didn't win anything *sniff*sniff*, but I'm sure that the winning bidder really deserved that three pack of PORN DVD's that I was drooling over. Ok, I was drooling over the possibility of meeting the actor IN the movie. Oh well, it was for a good cause.

Speaking of causes. This shindig benefitted a bunch of AIDS organizations here in and around SF.

I did take some time before the crowd arrived and was able to take pictues of the live Oscar awards, here and here.

I saw this movie twice and cried both times.

Here's the quickie version.

Pup tents and horses,
Cold seeps past my thin jacket,
You welcome me in.

AiYahh!

Putting words in your mouth

2006-03-15T12:26:00.000-08:00

Do you ever get yourself in a situation and have absolutely nothing to say?

I just got sent this message. It wasn't sent to me personally, it was a posting on one of the online forums I am on.

Here's the message:

"suche dominante Partner die mich tabulos benutzen wollen

Suche dominante Männer die mich tabulos und hemmungslos als Zweiloch fickstute benutzen wollen.
Lasse alles mit mir machen."

I copied and pasted it into this posting, so any grammatical errors were made by the original sender and not me.

At first, I didn't know what to make of it. The forum, where the posting was made, usually has posts in English, Spanish or Portugese. This didn't look like any of those languages. Just by looking at it and sounding out the words, I thought "Hey, this might be German." So I looked for an online German to English translator and found one, translation2.paralink.com.

Here's the translation:

"look dominant partner me without taboo want to use

Search dominant men me without taboo and unrestrained as a 2-hole fickstute want to use.
If everything allows to do with me."

So feel free to use this whenever if you ever find yourself in a situation that applies (it's up to you) and you don't know what to say.

The language of love
is understood all over.
But what about lust?

Translation:

Die Sprache der Liebe
wird überall verstanden.
Aber wie steht's mit der Lust?

AiYahh!

Sleepy yet?

2006-03-15T09:39:00.000-08:00

From the pages of the New York Times.

The report is about how some people who take Ambien, are gaining weight. These people are really confused about how they are gaining weight. I would think the empty candy bar wrappers and used popsicle sticks around the bed would be a pretty big freaking clue.

It seems that after taking Ambien, these people would sleep walk out of bed, have a total food binge and then go right back to bed!

One lady didn't connect the dots until after she gained 100 pounds!

I don't know about you, but I notice when I've put on 5 pounds. Maybe it's a gay thing to notice I guess. Seeing myself in the mirror with that extra 5 pounds and I get a huge burst of enthusiasm to get my (slightly) fat ass to the gym and work out.

Now, what's even more scary about this story is that Ambien sleep walkers not only eat while they're asleep, they also drive!

This is getting scarier by the minute.

Even now, I see people in cars, not just driving, but doing other things. You have the very common talking on the phone, reading maps/directions, changing radio stations, disciplining the kids in the back seat, etc. In some cases, I've seen people put on makeup. Now, I can understand someone putting on their lipstick or lip balm. You can easily do that while paying attention to the road, but these people are doing things with their eye! I saw one person putting on mascara, another one curling them, WHILE driving! I pay close attention to these drivers when I see this and make sure there is a HUGE space cushion between their car and mine.

Can you imagine if these Ambien users start driving and eating (or other assorted activities) while asleep?

For all we know, maybe they already are doing just that. It would certainly explain some of the people that I see driving on the roads.

If these people were asleep, it would explain why someone would do anything else while driving.

Sleep calls, day or night,
Hummers in pink tutu's dance,
It's time to wake up!

AiYahh!

Google learns how to...

2006-03-10T10:39:00.000-08:00

...Write(ly)

Google picked up another website yesterday. This time, Writely, the online word processor. Funny, I have never heard of this site till now. I wonder, why the heck would anyone even need something like this. Doesn't everyone already have Microsoft Word, or some other program to bang out that great (insert random name of County here) novel.

After I had that thought, I immediately had a recent memory pop into my head. I saw myself last night trying to find something to put my copy of Brokeback Mountain. I had just found the text of the story online and wanted to put it in Word.

I looked on my mac...

... and looked,

....... and looked,

........... and looked.

The result? Nothing. I finally gave up and decided to use the crappy text editor that was included with my mac.

I realized that I had Word on my new tablet computer, but not my older mac. Wow! I needed Writely!

I usually write out the text of my blog on the site itself...hopefully, being able to use Writely will clean it up.

or not. hahaha

only time will tell.

Inspiration strikes!
Digital ink, bit by bit,
Our stories, now told.

AiYahh!

Happy Burpday to...

2006-03-07T10:39:00.000-08:00

Today's my husband's birthday.

Last year on my birthday, he and the bf took me out to a French restaurant and had the servers sing to me in French. It was pretty nice, especially because I flunked French in high school (probably the only faggot to EVER flunk French) and had no idea what they were saying.

So of course, I have to sing him the happy birthday song.

So here it goes.

Happy Birthday Babe,
The stars twinkled years ago,
On this special day.

AiYahh!

I've been Joz'd

2006-03-01T10:23:00.000-08:00

I've been Joz'd, originally uploaded by AiYahh.

I feel SOOOOOOO special now. Gee, how am I going to celebrate, I wonder???

Oh!

I know, there's a movie tonight at the LGTB Center... "Meth".

It's the perfect place to show off my spankin new Jozjozjoz shirt!

Update:
Okie, I went to see the movie "Meth" and it was really good. It was directed by Todd Ahlberg (a very yummy hunky guy) and tonight's showing was a sneak preview sponsored by the LGBT Center, SFDPH STD Control and Prevention, SFGMCI, Stop AIDS Project, ACCESSSF and Castrobear Presents (try to say THAT five times fast).

I arrived at the Center and went up to the second floor where the movie was being shown. I noticed that there was already a full room. I did a quick scan of the room and not seeing anyone I knew (there were people I knew, I just didn't see them) I tried to decide on where to sit. The room was almost packed, so I ended up sitting in the front row just off center, not exactly my favorite movie seating preferences, but oh well.

As I made myself comfortable, I took off my heavy jacket, so everyone can see my spanking new Joz shirt! After I got comfortable, I picked up my knitting and went back to work on my wrist warmers. I had already finished one, but the dang thing was too big, so this was actually my second one. I'm planning on taking the first one apart after I'm finished with the second one, so I'll have material to make another one. This time with the right sizing.

I tend to tunnel vision and tune everything and everyone out once I start doing something. I do this when I read, play video games, watch TV... in this case, knit. After doing a few stiches, I noticed someone had sat down across the aisle from me and I could feel his eyes on me. It was a kinda slimy feeling to it. Something I didn't think I would feel outside of a club, but what am I kidding, I'm at the LGBT Center and in a room full of gay men.

I looked up, just a brief glance really and the guy was looking back at me. I went back to my knitting. This guy kept looking. So I took another look, this time a longer one. He took this opportunity and introduced himself.

him: Hi
Me: Hi
him: I'm Matt
Me: I'm Howard

I was kinda waiting for something else from this guy, but that seemed to be the extent of it. I went back to my knitting. He kept looking.

I looked up again.

Matt: What are you doing?
Me: I'm knitting. (duh)
Matt: Kewl
Me: Do you knit?
Matt: What?
Me: I said, do you know how to knit?
Matt: Oh! No, I can't do anything like that.
Me: It keeps me out of trouble, gives me something to do.
Matt: Yeah.

You can tell, we're not exactly having the greatest discussion. Of course, I decided not to put down my knitting this time while I was talking with Matt. That's when I realized what I must look like. Non-stop knitter, having a conversation, waiting for a movie named "Meth" to start.

I must look like I'm high on speed!!!

I kept on knitting anyway, but thinking that I might look like I'm high, made me notice Matt's behavior a little more. I noticed that he kept shifting his body around and every so often, he would say "Yeah" as a response to something someone had said, even though he wasn't part of that conversation.

This boy Matt was TWEAKIN!

The movie started, so I put down my knitting and watched the movie.

It was pretty interesting. Basically a documentary showcasing gay guys that use Meth, either in the past or the present. The movie details what the people do to get their high, what it looks like as they get high and what they would do to get their next fix.

There was also a connection to the HIV epidemic. Most of the folks in the movie got infected because of things they did while they were high on meth. What's sad is that, one guy in the movie was already HIV positive. He mentioned that he had no excuse.

In the end, I think that we all have no excuse. The information is out there, so if we decide to do drugs and be stupid, that's our "right". It's also our responsibility to know when it's time to stop using meth...no body can tell you to stop except you.

There are no more excuses.

Head rush, body flushed.
Dick slams into open hole.
Ready for next hit.

AiYahh!

I'm having a nice day

2006-02-22T10:06:00.000-08:00

Food Diary: Dinner at King of Thai Noodle, originally uploaded by AiYahh.

details to follow.

Update:

Well, I've been having an absolutely great day at work.

What made it even better was that as my husband and I were walking down Castro street, we ran into Chadfox!

We had gone down to the Castro after Stkyrice picked me up from work. He was a little hungry, but since I had a late lunch, I really wasn't. So the decision wasa to go to Quickly, so he can grab something light there. He ended up getting popcorn chicken and a coconut snow at Quickly. We walked up Castro after getting the food and actually had no idea of where we were going. It was a very "blond leading the blond" moment. After walking down Market street a bit, this was our conversation:

Stkyrice: Uh, where are we going?
Me: I don't know. Where are we going?
SR: I don't know. I just followed you.
Me: I don't know. I just started walking.

We turned around and started heading back towards the car.

The two of us were just chatting as we made our way up Castro street, when we heard someone call out my name. I turned around and there was the fantastic Chadfox! We ended up chatting right there with him on Castro street and it was really fun. It was the first time we ran into each other after the Blogger Meet Up where we met. I remembered his name and blog, because a friend of mine is totally in love/lust with him and had mentioned his name to me. So of course, when I saw his name tag at the Blogger Meet Up, I had to say hi to him, introduce myself and tell him that my friend thinks he's the cat's meow!

One thing that came out of our discussion, Chadfox kissed me...twice, on the lips!

Hey, he's a hot guy and I'm a fully functioning faggot! I was in heaven :)

oh yeah, the one thing...Chadfox told me that he liked my haiku's!

I'm sure we talked about other things and I'll remember them when I dream. The husband did remark later on, that he only recognized me, because of him. Are the two of us really that joined at the hip?

Chadfox left us and made his way home, while we headed on our way to the car. We were almost there, then I saw my cousin Michael. He was sitting in his car on the corner of 18th and Collingwood. At first, I thought he was cruising, but then thought better of it. My family is not very "open" and so during one of the frank discussions I had with my mom, she asked me if Michael was gay. I told her that I had no idea. So that discussion was on my mind, when I saw him on this corner. We went up to his car and chatted.

I was kinda afraid of getting hit by passing cars, but I just kept my ass pulled in, very unlike the trashy street corner ho that I am, please disregard this setting. Michael worked for a laboratory now and he was waiting to pick up lab samples at the doctor's office on that corner. We chatted about our respective families. New illnesses, kids, etc. It was very "family oriented" and on the streets of Castro no less! I found out that he lived in Sunnyvale now. I still don't know if he's dating or not. I'd be really interested in finding out if he was in fact, gay or not. That particular question, did not come up during our conversation. Although I did introduce him to Stkyrice as my partner.

So I was really happy, because I hadn't seen Michael in years. The last time we saw each other, I was working at the Asian AIDS Project (now the API Wellness Center)and my office was on 4th Street in the SOMA. This was back in 1996.

Now, after all this chatting, I was hungry. We left Michael and headed over to King of Thai Noodle on Sloat.

It was a good day.

It's the little things,
That can perk up one's whole day.
Like a hug or kiss.

AiYahh!

I'm the last person

2006-02-21T10:33:00.000-08:00

ok, maybe not THE last person, to see this video.

It does sound like Colin Farrell in the video and I'll have to say, that dick on the screen looked pretty damn tasty!

Ok, this is not a good time for me to get horned up!

Where's a cold shower when you need one.

*splash*

Okay, that did it. I'm okay now.

Funny what a look at Maddie can do for a horny guy (gay or straight).

Celebrity Dick,
Somehow end up on the web.
Tongues come out to lick

AiYahh!

JetBlue Coupon

2006-02-20T16:20:00.000-08:00

I just got this from a friend. JetBlue is my favorite airline. I wonder where I should go?

So please pass this around and tell everyone you know :)

AiYahh!

Confessions of a Bear widower

2006-02-18T22:58:00.000-08:00

Well, it seems that I'm married to a bear. What's a bear you may ask? Well, a bear is a man who is usually pretty big and hairy. There is some argument about it but the wiki has a nice entry about bears.

But I'm jumping a little forward. Today's story actually really began yesterday. I had decided to have dinner with my husband, Stkyrice, at T28. It was right after work and I was really looking forward to some good cheap food. I'm a foodie and proud of it. I'm not really into expensive food, as long as it tastes good. While we were headed to T-28, we were talking about all the new Hawaiian restaurants that were popping up all over San Francisco. I mentioned that I really didn't notice them. Actually I thought that SF was losing some of our long time Hawaiian eateries.

We lost that one over on Irving and 36th Ave a while ago and most recently Tita's over on 17th Street in the Castro. We have had some new places, like L&L BBQ (Daly City), Huki Lau (SF) and Ono BBQ (SF). But it just seemed to me that SF kept a status quo in the number of Hawaiian restaurants. Just then we reached 19th and Taravel.

On the corner was one of the new eateries, JT's Island Cafe. At that point, we decided to check them out.

There was only one table of people inside as we got to the door. I looked at the menu and noticed that there was only one thing I could have, the mahi mahi. "Not bad" I thought, at least I won't starve. Stkyrice got excited, because he could get his spam musubi. I could never understand the attraction, it must be a Spam thing.

We went in. I faintly recall the feeling of doors slamming shut behind us and chills ran down my spine. The temperature was freezing inside the restaurant. I pulled my jacket closer around me as we were seated at a booth.

Stkyrice remarked that this was a Korean/Hawaiian place, but there was only one thing I could eat there. I really didn't care. I figured that the place was just starting out. That if they wanted to stay in business here in SF, they'll eventually add more menu items, ones that will cater to people like myself. If they don't, I could expect to see another restaurant be in this space in a few months. This kinda thing happens pretty often here in SF, even to go good restaurants.

We ordered our food and waited....and waited....and waited.

I ordered my mahi mahi grill and Stkyrice ordered spam musubi along with something else, I can't recall it, my brain was too frozen.

As we were waiting for our food, a lady came in. She ordered a cup of coffee. It took a while for her to get that cuppa joe (Kona btw), they were making a fresh pot. I found this odd, as this space used to be a coffee shop type of restaurant. It was really weird not to have a hot pot of coffee ready for all the people to come in. Two other folks came in for their coffee.

The spam musubi came out. It looked good. So far, so good. Then Stkyrice picked it up and took a bite. The thing started to come apart. It was actually kinda funny seeing all the food fall into the plate. That's when the fork and knife came out. I thought, "How odd. I've never seen anyone eat that with a fork and knife before".

Stkyrice told me that the rice was too mushy and required him to eat it that way. This doesn't look good. Our dishes came out at that time. I looked at my mahi mahi with some trepidation. It looked ok, there were two slabs of what looked like pan fried mahi mahi, a scoop of mac salad and two scoops of rice. An orchid flower was a nice touch, the cold metal plate the food was on, wasn't. Here's what my dish looked like.

I tried the mahi mahi. It was tough, uh oh. The meat was really tough and I had a hard time cutting into it. Some part of the middle was tender, a very small part. The taste was never really there. I've never had fish that didn't taste like anything. I had some of the tarter sauce and found out that it was yellow colored mayonaise. I tried the mac salad. I thought, "Hey, this tastes like mac and cheese!". This was really bad. Thankfully, the rice wasn't bad, it just wasn't good.

I finished the food, because I just got off work and didn't have anything to eat all day. In other words, I was starving. It was a matter of survival, not pleasure, that I eat something.

The bill came. I paid for it quickly and we left. I really felt cheated. To have to eat something that bad and to have to PAY for it! Isn't there some sort of law against this? Something in the Geneva Convention that forbids "cruel and unusual punishment"?

I really needed to do something to get me in a good mood. We went to Molly Stone's for some of their delicious muffins, only to find that they were packed away. They were still available, just not individually and was in a twin pack. I wasn't in a good mood and this turned me off. We headed for Whole Foods.

We found parking right outside. If you're familiar with San Francisco, finding parking in front of your destination is good fortune, finding it in front of Whole Foods on California St. is a certified miracle! It's these little miracles that make life bearable.

I went inside and picked up some yummy Russian tea cookies (with almonds) and a blueberry muffin for Stkyrice. It did take me some time to find everything I wanted, because I just wanted to roam around and shop! I really needed to elevate my mood!
I did leave... eventually.

I didn't feel too bad. I noticed that a lady getting in a cashier's line as I was entering the store, was now in front of me as I was getting ready to pay. I guess I wasn't taking up too much time after all.

I paid and Stkyrice drove me to my bf, Scott's place. Scott was away to celebrate a friend's birthday and I was sleeping over to take care of his cats. Stkyrice is deathly allergic to cats, so he can't really stay there, so I was going to stay there alone.

I got inside and fed the kitties, changed their water and then took care of their litterbox. If I didn't take care of these three things, I would soon have to deal with kitty pee and shit all over the place. I was not going to deal with that, so I was very good about taking care of the kitties' needs, before my own. That's when I thought about putting my snack together.

I had a very enjoyable snack and got to do some knitting done. When a kitty wasn't in my lap that is. They really love getting in my lap, especially when I'm knitting. I tried to continue and was having some success, but I'm using a double knitting needle and the wire kept hitting the kitty on my lap. I finally just gave in, stopped knitting and did something really useful, scratch the kitty's (Alberta) head.

I went to sleep happy.

I woke up with a numb right arm. I wasn't sleeping on anything, so my arm shouldn't be numb. The kitties must have been sleeping on it all night. I suspect that it was Alberta, she's pretty heavy and seems to like, make that, tolerate me.

I really needed to erase what happened yesterday. So Stkyrice and I went to Taylor's over in the Ferry Plaza for some yummy food.

With our stomachs filled, we walked around the farmer's market at Ferry Plaza and enjoyed ourselves. I just enjoyed the whole experience of being there with a full stomach.

I went back to Scott's place to do some more knitting done. I really was trying to finish this yoga mat for Jason. I ran into some problems, like running out of yarn at the store and kitties getting in my lap, but I really was trying.

My friend Ted called me up and asked what I was doing tonight. I told him that I was planning on going to Underworld at Adonis tonight. I was feeling a little "old" and wanted to do some dancing and get some excercise in. I realized that dancing was really one of my favorite ways to excercise and I haven't been doing very much of that lately, so tonight was going to be a good chance to go out.

I had also planned on playing Urban Dead with Scott tonight, so I had to make sure that was covered as well. We usually played at 9:00PM, so since I was planning on going out dancing, I had to reschedule.

I contacted Scott in NYC and we played a little bit earlier. We had a good session and I got back to my knitting. The next thing you know, it was time for dinner. Wow, how time flies.

I was still a lil bit miffed over yesterday, so I went to Asqew. I find the food here to be pretty good in quality, taste and consistency. This time, I had the mango lime mahi mahi with roasted new potatoes as my starch. This really made my day.

It was still too early to head to the club, so we walked around Castro for a bit. That's when it hit me, the cold. I couldn't get over how cold it was and decided to change my mind regarding going out. I decided that I wanted to be indoors with a hot cup of something yummy in my hands. We went to Hot Cookie instead. I was going to skip the clubs tonight.

On our way over to Hot Cookie, some guy went up to my husband and proceeded to feel up his tit (chest) and made some weird noise, he then moved on. Stkyrice and I looked at each other with a "WTF just happened look". We had no idea who that guy was. That's when I remembered that it was IBR (International Bear Rendevous) weekend here in SF and the city was "invaded" by bears and their admirerers. This guy must have thought Stkyrice was a bear, or a bear cub, and then did what he did.

Did this guy think I was a bear chaser? Someone did in fact accuse me of that in the past. My answer to that, is no. I am not a bear chaser. I actually tend to go for guys that are smooth or hairless. If the guy has body hair, it has to be soft hair like Scott's :)

So I got my cookies and came back to Scott's place. I then made my hot chocolate and got ready to knitt when Alberta decided that she wanted to sit in my lap. This posting took forever to type, because of her. So of course I have to add her photo.

Since I was unable to type for a while, I decided to try out the audio blog route.

It's a little snippet of this blog. It's also my first time, so be kind.

Foodie memories
Once eaten, hard to forget.
Like a bad nightmare.

AiYahh!

Spread the love folks

2006-02-14T11:38:00.000-08:00

Whether your heart is empty...

or full of love.

It's Valentine's day folks!

Go out and spend it with the one(s) you love. Treat each other out to a fantabulous meal at home or a restaurant and just enjoy each other's company!

Go out and spread some love around!

*Notice*

The preceeding message does not apply to any individuals that are past, current or future sexual predators.

Those individuals should just stay at home and go fuck themselves silly.
May I suggest with this.

Love is in the air
Go out and spread all the joy.
Or stick with machines.

AiYahh!

Color me...

2006-02-13T16:51:00.000-08:00

BARF!

I got an invitation on my Yahoo 360 account from another user.

Here's her blog

Ok, I'm truly disgusted.

At first, I was wondering if this was for real or not, deciding that it was, tried to figure out "WHY ME!!!"

Why do I get these freaky ass spam shit.

I'm sure that other people get these as well. So I'm probably nothing special, but grrrrrr.

It seems that this person is based in Manila, Phillipines. I hope and pray for all the people that they can make a decent living WITHOUT resorting to THIS sort of bullshit!

Anger, RAGE, fills me,
Don I my shield and weapon,
White skin turns blood red.

AiYahh!

As seen by... no time like the present

2006-02-13T16:46:00.000-08:00

As seen by, originally uploaded by AiYahh.

I went into the Castro today for lunch. I normally do this, because the weather can be almost 10 degrees warmer compared to the Inner Sunset where my work is located.

I grabbed a Luna bar (smore's flavor, I forgot to take a pic), and a juice from Naked Juice (berry flavor). I was really enjoying my meal when I looked across the street to see how much time I had left before I had to head on back into the office. Imagine my surprise when I couldn't tell what time it was.

I really excelled at telling time when I was a kid, but I must've snoozed throught this lesson. There were no hands on the clock face!

Well, it was a pretty sunny day, so I raised my arm and looked at the shadow (after deciding what direction was North). It was time for me to get back.

Try to turn back time,
And the hands will just fall off.
Time waits for no one!

AiYahh!

Food Diary: Chinese New Year Banquet

2006-02-12T01:47:00.000-08:00

Food Diary: CNY Banquet, originally uploaded by AiYahh.

This has become a yearly tradition, where I make my way over to Oakland and have a Chinese (Lunar) New Year's banquet put together by my friends, Donna and Indigo.

Today's banquet was held at Shan Dong over in Oakland's Chinatown.

Click on the picture to get to the beginning of the series of yummy goodness that I had tonight.

This was the first time at one of these events, where the whole group was homos!

There's usually some straight folks, so it was a surprise to all of us...including the hosts, Donna and Indigo. Indigo states that this was totally unplanned.

Stkyrice was also there of course and took a picture of me and Michelle (someone I've had a huge crush on for the longest time). She's one of the few people that I would totally go after, if I #1: were female and a lesbian or #2 were straight and she liked guys. But since I'm not and neither is she, I'm happy just admiring her as a friend :)

Stkyrice and I were the only guys there. Something that is unusual, but since there there were no straight couples there, it also meant that the usual straight guys, were also absent. I remarked that they were all at home watching the SF Chinese New Year's Parade. Maybe everyone was actually watching it live!

Someone asked us how long Stkyrice and I have been together. After finding out that we'll have been together for nine years this April, the group made us honorary lesbians!

YEAH! We're no longer the token males! So of course, to make sure we had some male presence at the table, Michelle kindly stepped up and became the token male of the group.

After the banquet, we all headed over to the SweetBooth, only to find out that it was already closed. We then headed over to ABC Cafe for desserts. I was the only person to order anything, but it was okay.

That's where I found out about the Knitting Olympics! Indigo was the person who taught me how to bind off on my knitting projects, otherwise, I would just start something, then never finish!

I had no problems with that, but Stkyrice would get really frustrated, watching me start something, only to take my projects apart, over and over again.

So, in the Knitting Olympics, you start the project during the first day of the Winter Olypics and you must finish the project by the end of the Olypics in 16 days! I had just found out about this, but I had started my latest project, a yoga mat, on Feb. 10th, the start of the Olypics, so I qualify!

Now, the hard part. A yoga mat is a huge thing. My friend Jason, saw me knitting my last project, the scarf, and asked me to knit him a yoga mat. I was like, "Are you sure? Wouldn't you rather have a scarf?" But no, he wanted a yoga mat. He wanted to have the most fabulous yoga mat when he started doing yoga.

He's such a faggot. You gotta love him for it.

So I agreed to make this for him, thinking I had two months, seeing as he was leaving SF in that time. Taking part in the Knitting Olypics has really got me energized. I'm willing to really become a knitting maniac and finish the dang thing by the time the Olypics is done.

Knit, purl, then repeat
Knitting away for the gold.
Let the games begin!

AiYahh!

Food Diary: Tea for one

2006-02-08T09:45:00.000-08:00

Food Diary: Breakfast, originally uploaded by AiYahh.

I normally start off my day with a nice hot cuppa... tea. As anyone (who's checking out my food diary) knows, that tea is usually a nice chinky ornamental green tea that I got from Costco.

Today's tea was changed because my bf knows I love tea and got me this as a present. Apparently, it was shipped and had just arrived. I was wondering what he was so excited about the other night. I really didn't know it was over tea bags.

I'm sipping it as I write this, and I have to say, it's damn good tea. The flavors are very complex yet, very easy to just sip and enjoy.

Which makes me think of some other things I wold love to just lay back and enjoy.

Like a good book.

A backrub.

Sunday morning jazz.

Warm sand at the beach.

A job well done.

Welcome to my world
Take off your shoes, just lay back.
Breathe in, now exhale.

AiYahh!

Mac N Cheese

2006-01-30T01:07:00.000-08:00

, originally uploaded by AiYahh.

This was my entree. After the warm brie, I had to have something that was just as decadent, so of course, another CHEESE dish!

This dish was melt in your mouth delicious. It's covered with Japanese bread crumbs, then baked so there's a nice crunchy top on it.

Ted at one point said sorry to me. I was too busy admiring my mac n cheese and had no idea what he was talking about. He then told me that he ordered onion rings and was sorry about that. I told him that he had nothing to be sorry about, it's not like I was eating it. He then said that he wanted to offer one to me, knowing that I loved onion rings, but was sorry I couldn't eat it, because of my recovery.

I was still a little confused about the whole situation. I mean, if I wanted to have some, I would order it right? Yes, I do love onion rings and once I recover, I'll have them again. Until that day comes, I'll just be happy with what I can have.

It reminds me of a saying,

"If you can't get what you want, be happy with what you have."

I'm happy.

What is happiness?
A thing, a thought, a feeling?
Or a state of mind?

AiYahh!

Food diary: dinner with friends

2006-01-29T20:43:00.000-08:00

Warm brie. There were things that went with it, but I only had the brie.

I had dinner with Stkyrice, Ted and Noel at Blue. We started off our dinner with an appetizer of warm brie (pictured here) and some nachos (that I did not have). The brie was so yummy as it entered my mouth (between the rubber bands holding my braces together).

It was kinda funny, I have always really liked brie, but never as much as I did today. Being forbidden to have any of the other items on the plate, made the brie so much more tasty. For your information, the other things were roasted garlic, strawberries and toasted bread. Ever want to make a foodie's mouth water, just serve this as an appetizer!

Once my teeth has healed and the braces are off, I plan to come back here and chow down on the yummy nachos that we ordered today. It's really hard to watch people enjoy something that I can't...I admit it, I did get just a lil bit jealous.

Brie melts in my mouth

Flavors flow, magic appears

Making me wanting

AiYahh!

Time for a snack

2006-01-29T18:39:00.000-08:00

Newman-O's, Hint 'O Mint flavor.

Food diary: you are what you eat

2006-01-29T13:30:00.000-08:00

Eight Treasurers, what a great way to start off the year! I had this with jook (congee)

I was reading Phil Tajitsu Nash's column "Washington Journal" in Asian Week last week and something really hit home. The article was about Jimmy Meng and how he's fighting the food industry and diabetes.

I was like, "How's a politician fighting diabetes?". It seems that Meng is trying to address how what we eat, has a direct effect on our health. Sounds simple right? But think about it for a minute. How many of us has as our number one New Year's resolution "lose weight". As we all know, reality can come crashing through our fantasies pretty fast.

I used to go to the gym and laugh. I would see all these new people working out or attending the aerobics classes in January. I would make bets with my friends over how long these new people would last. How long till their "real life" becomes more of a priority compared to working out and "losing weight" becomes a fleeting memory.

I NEVER make New Year's resolutions anymore. It's really kind of stupid really. Why wait til the beginning of the year to make life changing decisions, only to convieniently forget them when they are no longer easy or urgent.

When did making ourselves better, not matter anymore?

So I try to make life decisions when they are the right decision for me at the time. I find that it is easier to keep, there is no pressure if I "slip", so consequently, I don't "slip". It's amazing what no pressure can do for a guy :)

Moving on to today's post. One of the things that this article mentions, is that Type 2 Diabetes is triggered by what you eat (diet) and what you do (exercise). This message never really hit home with me, till I read this article. I bumped into a high school classmate of mine on the streets one day when I was 27 years old (6 years ago). We were in SF's downtown and it was one of those "out of the blue" surprises that happen to my life. I saw my friend "Susan". We had originally met in a PSAT class in the Summer. During the class, we called ourselves the "4 Red Hot Chilli Peppers", because there were four of us in the group and we were hot! Oh, we all did really well in the class BTW.

So we were trying to catch up with each other, when Alice dropped a bombshell on me. She had diabetes. I was like, "Are you for real? You're my age! How can you have Diabetes?" That's when I told her that I worked for a doctor at Stanford, who studied Type 1 Diabetes. We went on just chatting and I looked at Alice closely. She looked like she was normal size, not too fat, not too thin, just normal. I always thought she looked great and told her so.

When I read this story, that conversation with Alice came back to me. There's a very real chance that I can develop Diabetes. I never really thought much about it, because I try to eat healthy and stay active, but my physical activity really went down when I hurt my back. Then once I had my jaw surgery, I felt something was off. Friends noticed that I look skinny. I didn't pay it much notice, but when I was weighed for the Project T interview, I was 145 pounds. I was normally 150 - 160 pounds. I was truly freaked out.

I decided that since I was not able to work out as much as I liked, I'll pay more attention to what I eat. Hopefully it will have an effect on me, by keeping me aware of what I'm eating.

So I am going to try and blog about every single thing that I eat for this year. This will help me stay healthy.

So expect a lot of pictures folks and enjoy the feast!

Breakfast or brunches,

Late night runs to KFC.

How do you measure?

AiYahh!

A moment of turmoil...

2006-01-27T15:17:00.000-08:00

The Metro car is stopped in the tunnel before me. I asked a man standing next to me what happened, he tells me that a girl was hit. There's people milling around all over the place. It appears that the girl/lady, was on the tracks. I have no idea if she walked into the tunnel or (as some people are saying) she fell out of a previous car.

From past experience, sometimes the doors on these trains do open up and although the driver is aware of it, they do not stop the train, but just move continue moving on. If that is the case here, it is very easy for the lady to fall off another train and stay inside the tunnel. She may have been disoriented and standing on the tracks, when a train coming from the other direction entered the tunnel, hitting her.

Most of the people have left the area, people have their own lives to deal with. A group of kids are being told that they will have to get on another bus to reach their destination. A woman near me is frantic, she has to get to 19th Avenue. A man tells her that the 71 will take her there and gives her directions on where to catch that bus. A few people near me still look like they are in shock after hearing of what happened.

I move near some policemen as they are talking. I try not to look suspicious. They mention that she is still breathing and there is a chance that they can keep her alive. I still see no ambulance. There is supposed to be an ambulance whenever a firetruck is dispached. I see two firetrucks and several police cruisers. No ambulance.

Here's the irony of the story, California Pacific Medical Center (CPMC) is 50 feet away. This is THE place to go when you have to do physical therapy among other things. There used to be an emergency ward here at this location. It was shut down many years ago. I believe it was a "cost saving" decision, to save money. Now this lady has to wait, to be carted off to the emergency ward at SF General Hospital, several miles away. I wonder if she will still be breathing by the time she arrives there.

How much does one life cost?

I would say priceless, if it were your own.

What's the moral of this story? There's a reason why passengers are told NOT to lean on doors. The doors may open unexpectedly.

The cost of one breath
In large amounts, cost nothing.
If the last? ... priceless

AiYahh!

Look up ahead

2006-01-27T14:12:00.000-08:00

The scene on my way back to work.

I have no idea what is happening here, but I was in the Castro getting my haircut and picking up some cleaning supplies for Chinese New Year. I have to look good you know and so does the house (in this case, my mom's house).

I was making my way back to the MUNI Metro stop to catch the train back to work when a fire chief's car blazes past me. That's when I noticed all the firetrucks and police cars up ahead. Something bad had just happened and from the location of all the vehicles, it seems to be involved with the train I was about to take.

Ground falls from below
I fly through the air, weightless.
Landing on angels' wings

AiYahh!